Episode Description - Real Self-Care that Works When Your Life is Falling Apart
What if the biggest threat to your health isn't cancer or heart disease, but something hiding in plain sight that you do every single day? Chronic stress – especially the stress that comes with major life events like divorce or a demanding career, can trigger autoimmune conditions, adrenal fatigue, and thyroid problems. Health coach Jennifer Gilman, who’s known as the Self-Care Muse, knows that reality all too well.
In this podcast episode, Jennifer shares her journey from a burned-out entrepreneur who was experiencing debilitating fatigue, cognitive impairment, and full-body tremors to someone who is now vibrantly alive.
The real power of this conversation, though, lies in the practical, no-cost self-care strategies that Jennifer shares to turn your health around. (And yes, we go way beyond the typical “take a bubble bath” advice!)
We also dive into the science of what’s really happening in the body when we’re exhausted, anxious, or foggy—and why symptoms like these are often dismissed or misdiagnosed. From thyroid crashes to cognitive shutdown, Jennifer connects the dots between emotional stress and physical breakdowns in a way that’s both accessible and eye-opening.
Whether you’re in the thick of a divorce or just trying to reclaim your health, Jennifer offers a grounded path forward that starts with small, consistent steps—and gives you permission to rebuild your life, one moment at a time.
Show Notes
About Jennifer
Jennifer Gilman, is a National Board-Certified Health & Wellness Coach and the visionary force behind New Way Health Coach. After a 26-year corporate career marked by autoimmune struggles and burnout, Jennifer transformed her own health—and now helps others do the same through science-backed, deeply personalized coaching. She and her team specialize in one-on-one coaching and corporate wellness, blending functional medicine with intuitive, real-world strategies. Known as the “self-care muse,” Jennifer inspires lasting change and empowers clients to reclaim their energy, focus, and well-being.
Connect with Jennifer
You can connect with Jennifer on LinkedIn at Jennifer Gilman and on Facebook at New Way Health Coach. You can follow Jennifer on her YouTube channel at New Way Health Coach and on Instagram at New Way Health Coach. To find out more about Jennifer’s work or to schedule a Discovery call for 1:1 coaching visit her website at New Way Health Coach.
Key Takeaways From This Episode with Jennifer
- After leaving a 26-year corporate career, Jennifer experienced severe burnout as an entrepreneur due to overworking and ignoring self-care.
- Her health deteriorated with symptoms like fatigue, tremors, and brain fog, eventually being diagnosed with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, which she managed through lifestyle changes.
- Chronic stress affects adrenal health first, which can cascade into thyroid and other endocrine issues if left unchecked.
- Jennifer built a self-care foundation and rebuilt her routine with morning and evening rituals, inspired by The Miracle Morning, focusing on rest, presence, and intention.
- She learned that micro-habits matter and began small practices like journaling, being in nature, and "healing pauses" during the day are vital for nervous system recovery.
- She uses Breathwork Tools and teaches three key breathing techniques—soft belly breathing, box breathing, and 4-7-8 breathing—for stress and anxiety relief.
- Jennifer also utilizes creative healing: engaging in creative activities like painting or crocheting helps calm the mind and is an underrated form of self-care.
- She helps clients rebuild after divorce, helping them rediscover their identity through strength assessments, values clarification, and visioning new possibilities.
- She focuses on the Body and Mind Connection and how physical movement and nutrition should be approached gently and socially—starting small, with joy, and adding gradually.
- She stresses to stick with basics—Mediterranean diet, 12-hour fasting window, hydration, balanced protein and fiber, and plenty of vegetables.
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Transcript
Real Self-Care that Works When Your Life is Falling Apart
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
adrenal fatigue, hashimoto’s thyroiditis, stress management, nervous system healing
SPEAKERS
Karen Covy, Jennifer Gilman
Karen Covy Host
00:10
Hello and welcome to Off the Fence, a podcast where we deconstruct difficult decision-making so we can discover what keeps us stuck and, more importantly, how we can get unstuck and start making even tough decisions with confidence. I'm your host, Karen Covey, a former divorce lawyer, mediator and arbitrator, turned coach, author and entrepreneur. And now, without further ado, let's get on with the show.
With me today, I have the pleasure of speaking with Jennifer Gilman, and Jennifer is a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach and the visionary force behind New Way Health Coach. After a 26-year corporate career marked by autoimmune struggles and burnout, Jennifer transformed her own health and now helps others do the same through science-backed, deeply personalized coaching. She and her team specialize in one-on-one coaching and corporate wellness, blending functional medicine with intuitive, real-world strategies. Known as the self-care muse, Jennifer inspires lasting change and empowers clients to reclaim their energy, focus and well-being. Jennifer, welcome to the show.
Jennifer Gilman Guest
01:28
It's great to be here, Karen. Thank you.
Karen Covy Host
01:31
I am glad to have you and I'm sorry I just I have to ask about being the self-care muse that title is too good for me to just let it slide. Why do people call you that?
Jennifer Gilman Guest
01:41
Yes, honestly, it was me coming out of burnout and at that point a lot of people were getting to know me better and they're like what are you doing differently? And it was really all about self-care for me. Coming out of burnout, I wasn't giving myself some time for rest and restoration and taking those pauses. So I really rebuilt everything in my day and started teaching what I was doing. I was just, you know, talking to people and, before you knew it, I was writing a self-care book and hence the self-care muse. Here I am.
Karen Covy Host
02:15
I love the title. I think it's absolutely perfect, but I'd like to dial in a little bit more to your story. Right, you said that you were suffering burnout. You'd been in corporate America a few years, and so what did burnout look like? Because I know for a lot of high achieving professionals they don't get burned out, they call it other things. So what happened to you and what should people who think that they might have some of the similar issues, what are they looking for?
Jennifer Gilman Guest
02:51
Yes, such a good question. And, honestly, it was after I became an entrepreneur that this happened. And, yeah, so it wasn't during the corporate part, so it could be happening at any point in time. But it was really because of my passion. I was diving in and I was not taking breaks. I would jump out of bed. I was so excited. I would just work all day long and just fall into bed, exhausted at the end of the day, and I was excited. It was, I was fulfilling, you know, and thought I was unstoppable, honestly, until I wasn't, and I started having physical symptoms. So I decided to go to my doctor and at that time I was seeing more of a conventional, a little bit integrative doctor, ran a bunch of tests and he's like you're fine. So I did what any entrepreneur would do. I'm like, okay, I got this, I'll just keep going, and I ignored my symptoms. The shame of that is I was in the health profession. So I look back on that and I'm like, oh my gosh, I wasn't taking care of me, I'm taking care of everyone else. So what happens?
03:56
Over the next year? It got worse and at that point the physical symptoms I had massive fatigue. Sometimes I couldn't connect the words I wanted to actually say wasn't coming out. I was having full body tremors and that's when I saw a functional medicine doctor and my Hashimoto's thyroiditis was just so flared up at that point and I looked at I was like I have two choices I can take this medication they're telling me about, or I actually can get to work on this. And so that's when I really began the process, in about five months, of really looking at my day and what could change and starting to make these changes. And five months later all of those symptoms were gone and that's what it became. I was passionate about this. Now I do not want other people to go through this.
Karen Covy Host
04:44
Now I'm curious were the symptoms that you were experiencing was that because of the Hashimoto's or was that, you know, like if somebody doesn't have Hashimoto's thyroiditis, are they going to have the same symptoms or is it going to be different? Is it like going to have the same symptoms or is it going to be different? Is it like it's sort of a chicken and egg problem Like what causes what? So how does all of this work?
Jennifer Gilman Guest
05:10
Yes. So obviously, when things come, that question is a little bit difficult because the doctor could never tell me that I had that question for them and they said well, you were hypothyroid slightly, but all of a sudden now you're full-blown Hashimoto's thyroiditis, your antibodies are so high, you have to go on this medication. And you know why did this happen to me, doctor? We don't know why. As I dug into it and fast forward now and learning about functional medicine and everything I know about integrative health hormone health and functional medicine, because those are the three schools I went to basically is I really think it was my nervous system that catapulted me into this bad state. So for me and it's different for everyone they could come into a different state because of a virus or something else going on in their life.
06:05
So back, kind of going backwards a little bit, when I went through a very bad divorce in 2008,. That was the only time that I can kind of connect some symptoms. I didn't have thyroid condition, then it was. I was having full body tremors, my nervous system was jacked up and it was a very bad divorce, but I wasn't also taking care of myself well either. So there was some things I was connecting there of when we go through tough times or when we push ourselves at work. Our nervous system does need a rest, so when are we doing that?
Karen Covy Host
06:47
Yeah, it sounds like what you're doing is you're connecting a couple of things that people might not otherwise have connected, which is that these symptoms can come from burnout, from just burning the candle at both ends going, going, going, not stopping. It can also come from the stress of going through a divorce or any kind of difficult life transition. Right, that it's. The idea is, it's the added stress on the body that we don't pay attention to that causes problems. Am I getting that right?
Jennifer Gilman Guest
07:22
Yes, and that hits the adrenal gland, so physically in your body. We're talking about adrenal health and once your cortisol, cortisol is the stress hormone it starts pumping out. It's trying to keep up with you, but if you don't stop and start taking care of yourself, it's going to finally be like I can't keep up with you, I am done, and it's going to start showing you symptoms by showing you brain fog, fatigue and all of these things start happening. So now I know what happens from adrenal fatigue and those are many of the symptoms, plus more hair falling out. All sorts of things can happen with adrenal fatigue. And then, once we're in the endocrine system, anything else can happen within it. So often adrenal fatigue happens. The next thing around the corner could be thyroid health or potentially your pancreas, and then of course that becomes maybe pre-diabetes or becoming a diabetic, but often the thyroid is right behind adrenal health.
Karen Covy Host
08:30
So when you say the thyroid, is it possible to start to develop thyroid problems when you've never had them before, Like maybe when you're in your 30s or your 40s or your 50s? Could it happen at any time?
Jennifer Gilman Guest
08:39
Absolutely, absolutely and generally the consensus is we want to first look at what's been going on with your adrenal health. How have you been living your life? Because we're kind of, you know it's set up to keep up with you. I call it a silent creeper in that aspect because you might say why all of a sudden am I feeling this way? Why all of a sudden are my thyroid numbers? It wasn't really all of a sudden, it's. You've been burning the candle at both ends for quite some time and finally your body said I cannot push enough cortisol out to you.
Karen Covy Host
09:17
And so it sounds like it's something that really has been happening. It wasn't all of a sudden. It's been happening for a very long time, but we just don't pay attention.
Jennifer Gilman Guest
09:29
Yes. So if I back up in my own personal story corporate it's probably started there. I left. I got into this field back in 2012. And at the time I was working both jobs for two years before I left the other right. So you start thinking about wow, what is your? What was your journey actually to get where you are now? And it's good to put a timeline together. In functional medicine, we're taught to actually put a timeline together for our clients or patients. If you're a doctor, I'm a coach, but you know I call them clients. So we do want to know what's been going on in your life. How have you lived your life? When did you last feel amazing and what was happening when you were feeling really good? But it's. It's really interesting to hear some of the stories and how people haven't felt well in quite some time or some traumatic situation happened that could spark it.
Karen Covy Host
10:24
Yeah, and speaking about stress and a traumatic situation, as you know, divorce is often that for people it is a major life transition and it comes with a whole lot of stress. So you know, we always think of divorce in terms of the money or the kids, or the legalities of it, and people don't often think about the effects on their physical body of going through a divorce. So if somebody is about to embark on that journey, what advice would you give them so that they could take care of themselves along the way and not end up burnt out and in adrenal fatigue.
Jennifer Gilman Guest
11:08
Yes, such a good question, and it happens over and over again that you're trying to cope with all of this when in reality, it's almost like you know, when we're in the airline and they say put your face mask on, your oxygen mask on first, I want you to remember that if you're going through a divorce right now, you've got to put your oxygen mask on first, and that could mean multiple things thinking first about what are maybe two things I can do that I know always work to make me feel better, and it could be very different from for you.
11:42
For me, many people, it is like making sure I get outside and exercise, going for walks outside. For another person, they might see say to me, I need to make sure I don't eat sugar, you know. So there are a lot of things, but I would never want to overwhelm anyone. So the question to you would be choose two things that you could do right now that you just know you would feel better, because once you start doing that, you'll start to do more actually and start to take care of yourself.
Karen Covy Host
12:13
I love that, because divorce, especially, is already overwhelming. And to hit people with a whole list of you've got to do this and this and this, and that is just adding to the overwhelm and not really solving the problem. But I just have to ask you this might not be the best question and I apologize, but everybody, when I think of self-care, everybody always talks about oh, just go take a bubble bath and that makes it all better, and something inside of me says that's not going to cut it. What do you think about that? And how can people engage in productive self-care? I don't know the right word, but you know what I mean.
Jennifer Gilman Guest
12:55
That's a great way to put it actually just productive self-care on a daily basis, and that's what I love diving into this. And there's another term that some people say mind body medicine for this, because really it is what can I mindfully do and be present for where I'm actually in a more relaxed state? And so that could be. How do you start your morning? So I do want to, I'd love to you know, talk a little bit more about this. How do you start your morning, how do you end your day, and then do you take healing pauses in the middle? So a couple of examples.
13:30
You might start your day initially as you, as you begin a morning routine and maybe you've never done one before with just a cup of coffee or a cup of tea, sitting on your porch and journaling, or just doing nothing, actually being aware of the birds singing around you, the sun coming up. These are precious times for you that put you in a relaxed, very gracious state. That is self-care. Now there's other people that build lengthy routines. I don't know if you've heard of Hal Elrod with the Miracle Morning.
Karen Covy Host
14:04
Yep, of course. Great book, by the way.
Jennifer Gilman Guest
14:05
Yes, so good. When that first came out is when I was going through my crisis. So 2017 was burnout time for me, and 2018,. I dove into his book first, and then I read many others the 5 AM Club and all these others to just realize I need a morning routine and I need a nighttime routine and I've got to get serious about this and that is what really helped me. That is all self-care. So in his acronym SAVERS, it's like being silent, doing your affirmations, visualizing, exercising, reading, and then S is for scribing, which is journaling. So that's his acronym SAVERS and it saved me.
14:46
Honestly, I started that routine and I began to transition into like, oh, this is self-care. When I go for a walk or I do some exercise. That self-care when I intentionally cook my breakfast or have something like really nutritious to eat and I do it kind of slowly and then sit in a quiet area without, like, being in front of a TV. That is self-care.
15:12
You know all of these little moments, these little rituals that you can have. It could be prayer, it could be reading a devotional, it could be listening to some nice music. So all of those could be the morning and then it could be listening to some nice music. So all of those could be the morning, and then you would build a routine for the night as well. Lately I've been doing a lot of talking around healing pauses throughout the day, because I do speak to go into some companies and speak to their employees. How can they take a moment and do five deep breaths at their desk, or stand up and do a little bit of stretching, or just go outside to look at the sun and come back in. This is all self-care.
Karen Covy Host
15:50
Okay. So just to play devil's advocate here for a moment, what would you say to the person? Because you've been through a divorce, so you know what it's like. And the person who says, oh great, I'm supposed to just sit in silence. Well, when I do that, that's when my brain starts going crazy and I start thinking of like the parade of horribles and you know doing what psychologists call awfulizing. You know that that's worse for me. What would you say to that person?
Jennifer Gilman Guest
16:18
Yeah, for that person who's just beginning some of this work, it's really good to start to dream and think about the possibilities and starting that on paper, because there's no way you're going to sit in silence. I don't want you to even try it. You know, if you're listening and you're like I can't even think about meditating or anything like that right now. But it is very cathartic to actually write, to spill on paper your thoughts, but reversing it because at this point in time you might have been like all right, I've already been talking to my friends and I'm pouring everything out in such a negative way. I need something opposite of that. So, if you want to start building your new life and starting to look forward to that, that freedom that you will have even though you're in the trenches right now, start to spill that on paper. I'm just like what do I maybe want?
17:13
The possibilities are possible. You know it's endless. What, what, what would this look like, you know, a year from now or two years from now? Hmm, I wonder, and just let anything throw it all on there. You know it doesn't mean it's all going to be what you choose to go after, but allow that to start happening and really starting to visualize then yourself in that state of now it's behind me how happy I'm going to be. So we do need to begin that process, and it's good to do that right now, because you still will have your conversations that are on the negative end of you know, whatever you're going through, because you need that too. You need your friends and your social connections, those best friends or your faith, whatever it is to be able to pour out verbally how you're feeling.
Karen Covy Host
18:03
Yeah, I love that and I love the idea of journaling. I work with that a lot, with my clients too, and what is important to know is that nothing is set in stone. You're writing it with a pen and a paper and you could crumble up the paper and throw it away, right it. Just because you something comes out doesn't mean this is what you're bound to do or it's you know, it's your life plan. It's just writing.
Jennifer Gilman Guest
18:33
Exactly. And then I would say being out in nature as much as possible. Nature does nurture. So those are the two real things of when you're really in the trenches and you feel so lost and that you are losing your mind. You start to fill your head with like how am I going to get through? Even today, you know those are a couple of things. To do is really get out in nature, even if it's walking in the grass barefooted, that's. That's called earthing or grounding. That's wonderful for you. Sitting up against a tree, that is very grounding, or just laying down in the grass, like you did when you were a kid, and looking up. You know these are things. This is grounding. There's science to it. But I don't want you to think about the science, just do it.
Karen Covy Host
19:21
I love that. It's like, yeah, there's a really good reason, don't worry about it, just do it, get out in nature. Yeah, yeah, because so many times when you start thinking about it too much, that's when you start spinning and it just never happens. And I love the whole morning routine idea I've heard a lot about that but the evening routine, why and what should that look like?
Jennifer Gilman Guest
19:44
Yes, and again, I don't want you to think of what should it be like? Right, what would be something that you might want to try first. All the science, again is there is, if you shut that TV off an hour or two before, you're going to have a better night's sleep, If you stop with your phone and electronics, blah, blah, blah. We all know that at this point, right. But now it's like how do I actually implement something? So I want you to think of one or two things that you would like to just try. Maybe you've already said to yourself like if I had an evening routine, I feel like it would be a cup of tea and reading a book. Well, then you start that and maybe you only read, you know, five pages. So what you started, you started the process.
20:27
Just be careful. If you're reading nothing too heavy it's usually time for maybe a fiction book and just have fun with that. Allow yourself something light, because if you get into something that is, you're learning from it, or if you have to think, you're going to carry that into your sleep or you might not be sleeping. So that's just a couple of things. But start light. Dim the lights in the house, you know, start to bring the whole house into that nighttime vibe and then, if you can, begin with a half an hour before bed shutting off all electronics, that's a really good beginning. So just start really, really slow, but, trust me, you'll fall in love with your night routine before you know it. The days you don't do it you'll be like I just I didn't sleep well. I feel so much better when I do my routine, and you'll prove to yourself that it works.
Karen Covy Host
21:19
Yeah, that reminds me of the things that Dr Huberman, Andrew Huberman, recommends about getting light in your eyes early in the morning, right when you get up, and then in the evening, winding things down, making them darker and staying away from the screens, like if you're gonna read a book, read a book, not on an iPad or a reader or anything like that.
Jennifer Gilman Guest
21:43
Right, right, and you don't have to be buying a bunch of books. We still have a great library system. I use it. So I think you don't need to own all these books or have that expense, especially going through a divorce. You don't need another expense, right? So the library is great. And think about the circadian rhythm that's going to help you, uh, really get through this divorce, if we can make sure you're getting a good night's sleep, as best you can. So this wind down routine fasting for 12 hours is very good for your health of just making sure you finish, you know, a few hours before bed. As far as eating, you know, just shoot for 12 hours. That does a world of good. You don't have to worry about pushing limits here, but you're going to be more on top of your game and be able to think clearly as you make decisions If you have your circuit, your circadian rhythm, correct, which includes Huberman's like get up in the morning and go see the sun, go greet the sun and say hello, I'm here, it's another day.
Karen Covy Host
22:43
Yep, and what I love about that, too, is that it also can be a way to blend in your get out in nature. Even if it's five minutes, you go outside on your porch or your balcony or wherever you can get outside, look at the sun, get a little sun, breathe, you know. Speaking of breathing, you had mentioned that what kind of breathing techniques do you have, any that you could share with people that help them calm down in the moment? For those pauses that you talked about to take during the day? What kind of techniques would help do that?
Jennifer Gilman Guest
23:22
I usually. I teach this often and even in my one-to-one coaching. If I feel called or they're having trouble, I'm like would you like me to guide you through a few different types of breath work? Or they might be just saying like I don't know how to do breath work during the day. So to your question I teach three different ones specifically and I do not make the others. There's so many types, let's not complicate it.
23:46
And I start out with soft belly breathing. And soft belly breathing is really putting your right hand on your belly and your left hand on your chest and then you're going to breathe in through the nose as your belly expands, not your chest. So we're trying to focus on expanding the belly, not the chest. And when we breathe out, we breathe out through the mouth and our, our belly contracts. So this trips people up because typically we're chest breathers, which is shallow breathing and that's not great for our cardiovascular health. We do want to work on this. So this soft belly breathing breathe in through the nose and breathe out through the mouth. Breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. And a little tip there is when we're breathing out. I usually tell people purse your lips as if you are breathing through a straw, because it helps you to slow down the exhale. It's really good to have a nice long exhale and that helps our nervous system to reset exhale and that helps our nervous system to reset. So if you're listening, next time you stop at a red light. I want you to practice your soft belly breathing with eyes open. You can do this anywhere. So rather than grabbing your phone and you know shoving in another text, you know checking texts or whatever, just do like five, three to five breaths of soft belly breathing.
25:12
So there's no counting involved. That one, most people take to very easily. The next one would be box breathing. Box breathing is highly known for helping with anxiety and panic, in particular Now as I lead people through it which is inhaling to a count of four, holding for a count of four, exhaling through your mouth for a count of four and holding at the bottom for a count of four. So we're basically making this box inhale for four, hold for four, exhale for four, hold for four, and the magic number is if you can do five rounds of any of these, it's wonderful. But that one, specifically, when people practice it with me, they're like the counting was too much for me. However, we're not in an anxiety or panic moment right now, so then I'll hear from them later. Like I went into anxiety and I used that box breathing and it worked because I just focused on counting.
26:05
Yep, I love that and it's a technique I often tell people like if they're in a stressful situation, like you're in the middle of a negotiation or a mediation or a courtroom experience right and you feel the anxiety starting to rise to do a breathing exercise, like box breathing, because, first of all, it helps calm you down. Secondly, no one knows you're doing it right. It's not like you're counting out loud one, two, three, four. You know and so and it's super, super effective. I love that you use that.
Jennifer Gilman Guest
26:44
Yes. The third one is four, seven, eight breathing. Have you ever tried the four, seven, eight?
Karen Covy Host
That one I haven't Tell me about.
Jennifer Gilman Guest
So that one I originally learned from Dr Andrew Weil. He's been known for many, many years and a lot of mind body medicine from him that one I like to use in the evening and especially if you're just laying down, like on your bed right before you're ready to fall asleep. But you can use this at any time and it's an inhale of four, holding for seven and an exhale of eight. So that's why the evening is best, because you do this for five rounds and you're just like whoa, I'm ready for sleep and it's just really, it's very therapeutic, honestly. So those are the three. I usually guide them through and they pick their favorite when they're done and then they can start working on it. But yeah, breath work is free. You don't need any extra tools. You could do it anywhere. It helped me.
27:38
I am claustrophobic and a couple of years ago I was at an event at Raymond James. Actually, they have wonderful art. We were touring their building and everything and sure enough, we step in the elevator and I'm with other people and it stopped and I panicked and uh, I said very calmly. I said I need you to press the button and tell them we got to get out of here. I have claustrophobia, really bad. I'm going to go breathe right now. So I put myself in the corner, close my eyes and I started breath work and I'm able to put myself in a state where I don't even know what else is going on. And all of a sudden somebody tapped me on the shoulder and they're like the door's open now so we get out. And I said how long was that? And they said about 20, 25 minutes. Wow, no idea. So I'm telling you like from a personal experience of something I deal with breathwork works.
Karen Covy Host
28:32
Wow, that's amazing actually, and you could do it in a room, or elevator room, whatever.
Jennifer Gilman Guest
28:45
Yeah, I was freaking out initially. Yeah, it's like you got to get me out. Call that number. I'm going to go over here. And in the beginning I heard them say are you okay? And I just sort of blocked everything out, had my eyes closed, was breathing.
Karen Covy Host
28:56
But you know what? That is a beautiful example of exactly what you've been talking about with self-care. You know what to do in that situation to take care of yourself, which also helped out everybody else that was in that elevator, because they didn't have to deal with you freaking out yeah which wouldn't have been helpful for them either, and then they like this was just. It's a beautiful example, Thank you.
Jennifer Gilman Guest
29:21
Yes, absolutely so. Self-care I'm glad you asked that question because it means so many things. Creativity is. The last part of that is we think of creativity on its own, but creativity is one of the things that we can get into, where we can clear our mind. It's very strange how this happens. If you're painting, drawing or doing anything creative crocheting is really big now you know all sorts of things. Think about it. When you're doing that, you're actually not really thinking about other things. So it's the one activity, if we can get into our creativity, that we can really escape other things for a period of time and have a really nice distraction.
Karen Covy Host
30:07
I like that you know. And speaking of creativity and rebuilding yourself, I mean, what advice would you give to somebody who they've made it through to the end of their divorce but they're still kind of a life, maybe bringing a little more creativity into their life, because they haven't had time to think about that or do anything with it for years? How can someone start to rebuild once they get to the end of their divorce process and they're just sort of standing there going okay now what?
Jennifer Gilman Guest
30:47
Yeah, and that's huge. It's really finding your identity. That's really what it is. Honestly, a good coach can help you with that.
30:57
Sometimes a counselor can start the process as well. So don't feel like you have to go it alone. Find your person to help you. But really I want you to think about oh, I get to create a new identity now and actually see who am I, who am I right? So I usually start with what are your strengths and we have our clients do a strengths assessment. It's the via character strengths. So it has nothing to do with work. This is actually about you as a person.
31:25
And then we go into identifying your values. So we have them and there's a process for that. I give them a tool for that of what are your top five values. And then we move into creating a why statement for their health and wellbeing, why does this matter to you, and making sure you're bringing your values in. So that's just the beginning of the foundation work. But that part's important to be able to discover what's my identity now, because what it was before you know is no longer. There might be parts of it, but you might also say to yourself I get to do this Now I have a choice. Now I have opportunities that I can create or do. So what might that look like for me? And then we go from there. We just start. You know, journaling always helps Anytime you can write things down, creating vision boards. We get right into it, yeah.
Karen Covy Host
32:20
I love that, but how can? What about the person who gets, whether it's in the middle of their divorce, towards the end of their divorce, but they look in the mirror and they go okay, I have been stressed out, let myself go. My body's not in the shape that it wants to be in, whether that's too big, too small, too stressed too, anything right. How can they start to get a handle on their physical health? Because, as you and I both know, how you feel in your body affects how you're thinking, and as you go through a divorce or you're trying to recreate a life after divorce, you have to be able to think clearly. So how can people start to wrap their head around, or wrap their self around, their new physical identity?
Jennifer Gilman Guest
33:13
Yes, great question. And this is it's very important to bring social connection into play with this exercise. So when we think about moving our body, it can be a chore. However, if we think about oh, I'm going to go for a walk with my friend, I'm going to schedule friend dates and we're going to go walk, or I'm going to join this gym and take group classes, to be around people or have your gym buddy, so I really want you to embrace the fact of who can I do this with, who can I exercise with, who can I make sure I'm moving my body with, because that's going to be so much more therapeutic for you. You've got the social connection part of it and now you're moving your body, whether it's strength training, having walks, going for a run, bicycling, you know doing, um, oh my gosh, why did I? Uh, pickleball I was like almost said paddleball, like that's not right.
Karen Covy Host
34:08
Although. I hear paddleball is on the rise too.
Jennifer Gilman Guest
34:11
Paddle boarding is big where I live, but yeah, pickleball I mean. So I really encourage you to choose something that's going to be where you're surrounded by other people, and it could be new people. It doesn't have to be with an existing friend. It could just be putting yourself out there of like, I just want to make some new friends, and that makes it so much more fun and exciting to be able to now get in shape and get into a state where you're like gosh, I feel so much better. My, my clothes are fitting better, whatever it is, and you feel so good and confident. As soon as you have that spark of confidence, you're off and running. You can take on more. But we have to first get there. We have to get that spark going.
Karen Covy Host
34:59
So let's just say I'm the person that comes to you and I say I feel like my life and my body is out of control. Do I worry about exercise first? Do I worry about eating right first? How do I eat right? What do I do first? What do I? I can't do it all, it's just too much. Oh my gosh, I want to like crawl in a corner.
Jennifer Gilman Guest
35:21
Yes, and I would say we're going to get to all of that, but where would you like to begin? Is it movement or nutrition?
Karen Covy Host
35:30
Ah, all right, I'm going to start with movement.
Jennifer Gilman Guest
35:33
Movement. Okay, what are things that I want you to think back for a moment? Things that you've done in the past where actually were enjoyable with movement. What did you like to do?
Karen Covy Host
35:44
Yeah, I am totally well. I actually do a lot of group fitness. I teach classes, but that's an aside. But with this fictional person that I'm being what I wanted to get to and what I want people to hear is you don't have to do it all at once, and I know people would wonder well, where's the right place to start.
Jennifer Gilman Guest
36:08
Yeah, and it is wherever you feel you have the energy to begin. But sometimes you have to, you know, think about that. Is that what's the beginning? We have to begin and pick one thing, because the frontal lobe of our brain cannot handle a lot. It can't, you know. We know that right. So we've got to look at what's the beginning. Where do we begin?
36:33
So you might say, well, I feel as though if I just move my body, I'll feel better. Okay, well, think about what you enjoy doing. And you said group classes. Okay, great, is there a gym near you or do you already have a membership? And it's just a matter of I want to sign up for the class. I want you to sign up for one class. Then let's begin. That's it. Don't say, oh, my God, I need to start going five days a week. If you didn't go before, you're setting yourself up for failure. It's not realistic to go from zero to five. But if you say I'm going to go once this week and you do it, that's exciting. And then we're like all right, maybe it's twice and maybe you have energy to do other things.
Karen Covy Host
37:19
What's the rate of adding two? Like okay, I did one class this week. Should you aim for doing one more thing every week? Does it take more than a week? Like at what rate do you step this up?
Jennifer Gilman Guest
37:36
Yes, that's a good question, which I don't have an answer for because it depends on the person it really does. I can give you statistics all day long of what we should do. According to American College of Sports Medicine, we need 150 minutes of cardio, we need two to three days of strength training, we need two days of balance work and we need to do flexibility three times a week. Unless you're older, you're supposed to do it every day. As I say that, you're like, holy moly, I am behind. So those are things.
38:07
I say that to you now, to just take a step back of like let's build slowly, because who knows what, how this will come about. And many times, once we get this routine really in place, you're enjoying life and it's sustainable. Now you go on vacations and you're thinking about hiking, whereas maybe before you never thought of that, you know, because you're actually enjoying the things you're doing. So I might start somebody out. They're just excited and maybe they had been working out and they're like all right, well, you're doing all cardio, but you're not doing any stretching, strength training, any balance work.
38:45
Let's add that in there's many women that come to me. They are working cardio massively and it's taxing their adrenal glands. I actually need to talk them off the ledge of like, let's pull that down a little bit, make room for some of these other activities that are so good for your body. So we talk about that, but it really depends on where are they coming in and how are they absorbing some of this. You know, if they're done with the divorce, they're usually able to take on a little bit more, but sometimes not. Yeah, yeah, I can't give you a rate, you know. I know you want one, but it's like it really is customized.
Karen Covy Host
39:25
I'm trying to think about what people would be asking in their own head as they listen to this, like, okay, well, how fast should I go? When should I step it up? And what does it look like to? You know, we haven't really talked too much about nutrition. What does that look like? Except, you know, most people can figure out stay away from sugar, go easy on the alcohol. Um, but other than that are there. Is there any particular diet that might be more sustaining for a person or more healthful for a person who's going through a high stress situation? You know, or is that just individual?
Jennifer Gilman Guest
40:05
Great. No, there's some, some basic rules around nutrition. I think I can generalize. Really, the Mediterranean diet is still the one of the best, and don't fall into prey to some of these fad things that are going on. Because they are fads, you know, they might have success for a period of time and then years later we find out that, oh, that wasn't so good. So Mediterranean diet I'm not going to talk badly about other ones, but just tell you, Mediterranean it's great.
40:33
Remember that 12 hour fasting window that I mentioned. That's take it seriously. If you're not doing it now, start to do that, where maybe you're done by 7 PM and you do not start eating, including your coffee, because most of us put stuff in our coffee. That's breaking your fast. So, 7 PM to 7 AM no food right, having enough water, making sure you're drinking half of your weight in ounces. So 160 pound person should be having 80 ounces of water every day. Water is so critical for us. And then we're looking at how do you start your day, cause you do need some fuel, even if it's just like 15 grams of protein, something. It doesn't need to necessarily be a full meal, but usually within the first hour of waking, you should be having something beyond the coffee. So those are a couple of different rules there. The last one I'll mention um, protein is big.
41:30
Now, a lot of people have been talking about that. It is important. It is very important, but guess what? We're still failing at vegetables. We are still not eating enough vegetables. When I show the macro plate to people, half of your plate should be non-starchy vegetables. Fiber should be 25 to 30 grams a day and it shouldn't be from a supplement, it should be from food, which would be legumes and fruit and vegetables. So that's huge. Most Americans are getting eight grams a day. We're really falling short on those vegetables. Yeah, yeah. So that's a couple of nutrition things, as you're listening, like get yourself a good Mediterranean cookbook or something you know around that. Follow that 12-hour fasting window. Enough, you know, definitely enough vegetables, of course. Start your day out right and then you're headed in the right direction.
Karen Covy Host
42:28
That makes so much sense. I mean, all of this is good common sense, but it's so helpful to hear it from someone who's got the background and the training and the experience and can say I did this and it helped, right, yes, and I really hope people hear that and take it to heart. One other piece of advice you could leave people with if they're thinking about a divorce, going through one or really in any kind of high stress kind of situation. What would it be Really starting your day out right?
Jennifer Gilman Guest
43:02
So if you're thinking about going through a divorce, I want you to think about that. The morning should be yours. Usually, you can get up early enough and just take a little bit of time for yourself, because you'll have more clarity throughout the day. It's going to serve you well as you're about to make hard decisions and go through tumultuous times. So get up earlier if you need to, to have a little bit of time in your morning.
Karen Covy Host
43:29
That is such great advice and I really appreciate you being on the podcast and sharing all of your wisdom with me and with the listeners.
Jennifer Gilman Guest
43:38
Absolutely. It's been such a pleasure, Karen.
Karen Covy Host
43:41
Thank you so much and, for those of you who are listening or who are watching, if you enjoyed today's episode, if you'd like to hear more episodes just like this, do me a favor. Give the episode a thumbs up like subscribe to the podcast. Subscribe to the podcast. Subscribe to the YouTube channel and I look forward to seeing you again next time.
