Episode Description - Money After Divorce: What Every Woman Needs to Know
When your financial world gets turned upside down, the last thing you want is to feel powerless. That’s why Lauren Connelly, a wealth advisor with over a decade of experience, devotes her career to helping women and families navigate major life transitions like divorce, retirement, and estate planning so that they have enough money after divorce to live comfortably.
Growing up with a single mother who worked tirelessly to rebuild after divorce, Lauren brings both professional expertise and personal insight into why financial clarity and confidence matter so much during times of change, particularly divorce.
Lauren explains how she first saw the power of financial education while working in retirement planning, where she met countless people—especially women—who were suddenly forced to take charge of money decisions they’d never handled before. She makes it clear that understanding the basics, even if you’re not “a numbers person,” can transform fear into empowerment.
Lauren stresses that financial planning isn’t just about numbers—it’s about your life goals. Whether you’re figuring out if you can sustain yourself after divorce, planning to retire comfortably, or simply wanting a second opinion, she emphasizes the value of asking the right questions and finding an advisor who truly fits you. Most importantly, she shows how financial planning, done right, helps you build a future that supports not just your wealth, but your freedom and peace of mind.
Show Notes
About Lauren
Lauren Connelly is a Wealth Management Advisor at Vestor Capital with 10+ years of experience. Lauren is dedicated to assisting clients in growing and protecting their assets so they can achieve what matters most to them.
Lauren, a CFP® professional, believes that fear drives financial decisions too often. She is dedicated to empowering individuals, families, and businesses to identify and realize financial success. Through unbiased and carefully considered guidance, she works with clients as their personal "CFO" and reviews all aspects of their financial lives to help develop, implement, and continuously refine a detailed road map for success.
Connect with Lauren
You can connect with Lauren on LinkedIn at Vestor Capital, email Lauren at [email protected], and visit her website at Vestor Capital.
Key Takeaways From This Episode with Lauren
- Lauren Connelly, wealth advisor at Vestor Capital, was inspired by her single mother’s financial struggles after divorce to help women and families gain financial confidence.
- She stresses the importance of women being actively involved in financial decisions, even if they’re not managing the money day-to-day.
- A CFP covers long-term planning across all areas, while a CDFA focuses only on divorce and asset division.
- Financial planning is about more than numbers—it’s aligning money with personal goals like retirement, travel, or legacy, and revisiting plans as life changes.
- In divorce, each spouse may want their own advisor to avoid bias and build trust.
- Choosing the right advisor means asking about credentials, communication style, fees, and how often you’ll meet.
- Many people fear numbers, but knowing your financial baseline gives you clarity and power to make better decisions.
- With the right support—financial, legal, and emotional—divorce can become a turning point where people rebuild, regain confidence, and create lasting financial independence.
- Regular financial check-ins, even outside of divorce, help people stay on track, adjust to life changes, and ensure long-term security.
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Transcript
Money After Divorce: What Every Woman Needs to Know
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
retirement goals, confidence, security
SPEAKERS
Karen Covy, Lauren Connelly
Karen Covy Host
00:10
Hello and welcome to Off the Fence, a podcast where we deconstruct difficult decision-making so we can discover what keeps us stuck and, more importantly, how we can get unstuck and start making even tough decisions with confidence. I'm your host, Karen Covy, a former divorce lawyer, mediator and arbitrator, turned coach, author and entrepreneur. And now, without further ado, let's get on with the show.
With me today, I have the pleasure of speaking with Lauren Connelly, and Lauren is a wealth advisor at Vestor Capital with more than a decade of experience helping clients navigate life's most important financial transitions. She specializes in guiding women and families through divorce, retirement and estate planning, with a focus on building clarity, confidence and long-term security. Having been raised by a single mother, Lauren brings a personal understanding of how empowering financial stability can be during times of change. Prior to joining Vestor, she was a financial advisor at Merrill Lynch, and today she's passionate about helping clients not just preserve their wealth, but use it as a tool to create freedom and peace of mind. Lauren, welcome to the show.
Lauren Connelly Guest
01:30
Thank you, Karen. What a nice introduction. I appreciate it.
Karen Covy Host
01:34
Oh, it's my pleasure and I'm so excited for our conversation. But before we dive into the meat of it, I'd like to ask what got you into this line of work? I mean, I know you've been a financial advisor for a long time. But A why financial advising? And B why divorce?
Lauren Connelly Guest
01:52
Oh, those are great questions. Yeah, you know, it's not like I was sitting in bed in high school or college and, oh, I'm going to be a financial advisor specializing in divorce, but it really was a lot of you know, life experience. I think I was raised by a single mother that was, you know, the big influencer and my curiosity in terms of when it came to finances. You know I watched her put us all through private school, high school, grade school, you know, remortgage the house time and time again just to do it. She wasn't working at the time of her divorce and, you know, went, got back into or got excited about, you know, finding a career, maybe not excited but had to get back into the workforce once you know the divorce, once she made that decision. And you know again, raising four children while starting over is difficult, and so that was a huge inspiration to me. Again, just watching her navigate those difficult decisions and, you know, kind of realizing that you know, one day that's going to be me.
03:02
We're going to have to make those decisions on our own, and that kind of led to, you know, my understanding of how empowering education is. And you know, that's kind of where my career as a financial advisor began. I started working in 401k the retirement world and I would meet with different participants of 401k plans and help educate them on their benefits for different at different companies. You know you really had a lot of different conversations and I think through that, everything just kind of pieced itself together from there. You know, working with women who are starting over or looking to start over, maybe not having, you know, a big hand in the financial decision making and realizing that they're going to have to either start from scratch or kind of rethink the way that they've been handling their finances. So I think the two things just kind of naturally came together.
Karen Covy Host
04:02
That makes a lot of sense. And in your experience, when you started at Merrill Lynch and you were working there, what was your experience in working with, let's say, couples. Like, were women part of the conversation? If you, let's say, you're handling the financial advising for a particular family, would the women usually show up? Did they participate? Did they understand what was going on with the money? Or, more times than not, was that something that they let their husband handle?
Lauren Connelly Guest
04:33
Yeah, I mean a lot of the times. Yes, it was still very much. You know the breadwinner, who was typically the husband, was the one that was dealing with the financial at least the investment side of things, or wealth management. You know, while, even while you know the wife or other spouse was the one running the home and you know keeping track of the budget and doing those things.
05:05
But you know, so it was kind of, I guess I would say, when planning with individual couples, I'd say it was a little bit split. I always, always, always, always try to encourage and sometimes insist on the other person at least you know being in an annual meeting, being involved in the conversation, know who I am, know what the conversation, at least that's being had, just have an understanding of what's going on. You don't have to know the ins and outs of all of it, or you may have different questions, though, and maybe there may be things that your husband or the person that primarily was dealing with the advisor may not have thought to ask, and so most of the time again, it was. You know there's someone driving that decision to meet with an advisor. Sometimes they're both making that decision, but I'm always encouraging that they're both involved in some way.
Karen Covy Host
06:01
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense because you know, irregardless of whether a couple stays together or they divorce, right, that's not really the issue. The truth is, every marriage ends. It's either going to end in death or divorce. One of the two, and maybe both of you get hit by a bus, or you go down in an airplane together, God bless, but usually one person goes first, and if it's the wife that's left behind and or divorce whichever, and she has no idea where the money is, how it works or how it's being managed, that's a problem?
Lauren Connelly Guest
06:40
Yeah, absolutely, I mean, it's a. That's a great point. You know, it's not just specific to divorce, something you never know what tomorrow is going to bring to your point. And so making sure that you have an understanding again a basic understanding and that things are set up the way that you intend them to be, is extremely important at any phase of your life, regardless of the number of assets you have or not.
Karen Covy Host
07:06
Right and I know a lot of. There's a lot of talk in the divorce world about CDFAs certified divorce financial analysts. You need a CDFA, you need, you need. You're a CFP, and I know part of the team of people you work with. There are CDFAs too, but there's a fair amount of confusion about all the letters that are after everybody's name. So what's the difference? What is a CDFA, what is a CFP, and who do you need when?
Lauren Connelly Guest
07:34
Yeah, that's a. Those are great questions, right? It's not like we're attorneys where you take the bar and you pass the. You pass the bar and you know you're legally an attorney and you have these credentials. Or, like a CPA, you pass that exam. Our world doesn't the financial services world, if you will doesn't really have one credential that they recognize as this is the professional to look for. So all these letters and acronyms are really educational tools for us as advisors and hold us to certain standards.
08:07
I think the difference, at least primarily, between you know, cfp and CDFA is the CDFA is really focused on the divorce and you know the specifics of going through divorce and splitting those assets and things and considerations, whereas CFP is a more broad, you know, I guess, just ethical standard that you're being held to as a fiduciary. You're making sure this is an ongoing plan that we're having conversations about. It's not a stagnant thing. Things are changing constantly within your life and so we're really looking at the picture as a whole as CFPs and divorce is one consideration of that whole piece of the pie.
Karen Covy Host
08:52
And what you do. Correct me if I'm wrong, but my understanding of what a financial planner or financial advisor will do is you help your clients build a financial plan that will achieve whatever their financial goals are long term, not simply through the divorce, but wealth management and wealth accumulation through their entire life. Is that right?
Lauren Connelly Guest
09:18
Yes, absolutely. And, like you said, you know, one piece of it is looking at divorce and saying can I sustain, you know, based on whatever I'm entitled to or believe I'm entitled to, or what the existing assets and income are, showing those different scenarios and the tradeoffs that you may make, but then again also thinking about longer term and other plans for your future outside of divorce.
Karen Covy Host
09:46
Yeah. So it's like, if I understand it correctly, you know you're going to help people manage and grow their wealth throughout their life and then live on it, because at some point, most people want to retire, which means that, instead of their wealth growing, they're actually using it and drawing down on it to pay for their lifestyle, to pay for their life, right? So how do you what goes into determining whether someone's going to have enough money to live on until the day they die or be able to retire at a certain point?
Lauren Connelly Guest
10:24
Sure. Again, those are all great questions and there are a lot of what ifs in this world. There's no one answer that fits all, unfortunately. But you know again, that's kind of the beautiful part of bringing the art and the science together. Right, we look at what is it that you're doing today and what would you like to be doing in retirement? And then we take a look and say you know everything that you, based on all the assets that you have and the income that you're making, other income streams in the future. Are there any other outside of the? You know your regular income once you're retired.
11:00
You know what does retirement look like for you, really understanding you as a person and what those goals are, not just hey, I'd like a million dollars when I retire.
11:10
It's more probing about the why and helping you get to a place where you can. You know you may think you want one thing, but really thinking about outside of the money, what is it that I want to do? Do I want to travel? Am I healthy and do I want to leave money to my children or to other organizations? You know really talking about those things and making sure that you know, not just as it's, you're right about to retire, but you know, plans change, just like everything in life, and so showing what kind of flexibility you have or understanding where you are today really can help make those decisions, driving those decisions and feeling empowered to go ahead and make that decision to retire. Or say, you know, maybe I do love what I'm doing and, um, maybe I cut back instead because I want X, Y and Z and I need to be able to support that also, and I don't have the assets to draw off of um. Or I have the assets to draw off of, but I have other plans for that. I have other ones.
Karen Covy Host
12:23
Yeah. So if somebody is, I mean, one of the things that can go awry in a life plan is when your marriage explodes and you end up getting a divorce right. So if somebody's facing that and they have certain you know everybody's got certain things they want to do in their life and certain plans, like you said traveling or retirement, or putting the kids through school or whatever it might be and they're facing a divorce, at what point would they want to get someone like you, a CFP, involved to help them say what do I need in terms of assets at this point in my life in order to make those long-term goals achievable?
Lauren Connelly Guest
13:08
Sure, you know, I'd say yesterday, we can't go back in time, but the sooner the better, right? Whether you're thinking about divorce or not, maybe even while you're contemplating, that's probably the best time to meet with someone or start having those conversations, especially specific to divorce. But you know, even before that, I think it's always healthy to go through an exercise and check yourself. You know, maybe you do it on your own. There are a lot. Everyone operates differently in our world. Different financial planners have different processes and different ways that they charge fees. But there are a lot of us that do free consultations and so, you know, just like our employers do with our 401ks, it's always good to have a due diligence process for ourselves, right, like, maybe every three to five years, get one of those CFPs to do a plan for you and to see how that measures up to what you're doing.
14:07
Or, if you work with an advisor, I challenge you to maybe and I would even tell my own clients, but, you know, maybe meet with another advisor and see, you know, benchmark me against you know or your current plan. I guess, if you will, against what someone else is doing. It never hurts to get a second opinion. My hope is that you know my clients. If they do find that there's a difference or they have questions about why a plan looks different than mine, it would be, you know, to have a conversation around it and let's just be honest and open. It's a very vulnerable thing. Financial planning, it's numbers, but it's a lot of behavioral, a lot of psychology as well. So, yeah, I think it's important to do better.
Karen Covy Host
14:54
You know you say you mentioned numbers, and that's a word that scares a lot of people. So what would you say to the person who says I can't do? I can't do this, I'm just not good with numbers. I hate math, I don't like numbers, I don't understand this, you know, and they get all freaked out about it. What kind of guidance would you give to that person so that they could start getting their own financial life in order without getting themselves all freaked out?
Lauren Connelly Guest
15:23
Yeah, I would say that the goal is you know. Again, your goal is to get your financial manners in order, and you don't need to necessarily understand all the ins and outs of the numbers, you know. That's why we're here. We're here to help talk about the numbers with you. But again, I think knowledge is power, and so seeing where you are, that's the only way to know how to make decisions moving forward. You can't improve if you don't know what your baseline is, and so, while it may be scary or you may be in a vulnerable place, just having that clarity in terms of just seeing it all in one place and what it really looks like, I think can help empower to motivate you to make better decisions or continue doing what you're doing.
Karen Covy Host
16:10
Speaking of continuing to do what you're doing, I mean when there's a divorce right, typically a family uses one financial planner. Right, that person is going to manage both the husband's assets, the wife's assets, the joint assets. They're going to do it all right. And when you divorce, one person is going to feel a little uncomfortable, especially if only one person in the couple had the relationship with that financial advisor. So what would you advise people when they're getting a divorce? Should they continue to just both use the same advisor? Are there advantages to that? Or should one of them really look at taking their assets and moving them to someone else?
Lauren Connelly Guest
16:57
You know it's again. Another depends on your situation, but there's always a bias in the back of their head, and so I think it is nice to have build your own relationship, especially if you don't have a relationship with your current advisor. There's no reason that you shouldn't look around and find someone that you connect with and that you trust and that you know has your best interest forefront.
Karen Covy Host
17:46
So let's say there's somebody and they're doing exactly that. They're like you know what. I'm just not comfortable staying with the person that we're with. My spouse is going to keep that person. I want to find someone else. Where do they start? What are they looking for? How can you even tell if a financial advisor is competent or not?
Lauren Connelly Guest
18:08
Sure, you know, again, I think we're all looking for something different, so really understanding what it is that you're looking for someone that speaks your language, someone that is educated and maybe has certain credentials for specific needs. Maybe you have a child with special needs or you know you really focused on estate planning, whatever. That is again making sure that you're kind of creating this. It's almost like financial advisor dating profile right, like what, who? Who is the right fit for me and who? Why was I with my other advisor? What are the things that I liked about them or didn't like about them? And making sure that those things that you would change or maybe weren't getting, um, that you are getting with someone else.
18:58
And there's, you know, the CFP website. The board has a website where you can search for different credential CFP credentials advisors. You know how we meet most of our clients or referrals. A lot of people are going through. You know you find your pack if you will, and so when you're talking to other people, maybe it's asking who they work with. And yeah, there's a lot of great ways. The internet's a great thing. It's also overwhelming.
Karen Covy Host
19:33
Yeah, that's true, but what are some of the specific questions they should ask? I mean, yes, obviously they want to know what are your credentials and maybe how long have you been doing this? But in terms of an investment philosophy for somebody who hasn't even had one before, how do they know if they're on the same page as you other than just by meeting you and going? Oh, she seems like a really nice person. I like her style. She talked to me. I mean, what else are they looking for, or is that enough?
Lauren Connelly Guest
20:07
Yeah, I think, well, obviously, you know you want to make sure the personality fits and everything looks good up top. But, yeah, I think, asking the right questions around, what should I expect from this relationship? Just being honest about you know your past experience with working with an advisor, whether that's I've never worked with someone I did and my spouse had the relationship or I do work with them and I like them. But I'm trying to see what else is out there. I think, just being honest and what you're looking for and in return, you know, I think that advisor should be helpful in setting the expectation around.
20:45
You know, how often are we going to meet? How can I contact you? What are the things that I should be contacting you about? What should my expectations in terms of, you know, asset management be? Are you going to call me every time that you're placed to trade? Are you, you know, are we going to just talk about it every year? You know, how involved do you want to be in that investment conversation? You know, maybe asking how involved they allow you to be. So there's a lot of great questions, but really, you know, making sure that you understand what the process is and what that relationship should look like. Upfront, kind of like your financial plan, setting that baseline so that you can measure that as you go on and, you know, find the right fit. Then.
Karen Covy Host
21:35
You mentioned fees. I know there are different ways the financial advisors are compensated, but a lot of people don't understand that. It's kind of confusing. How do financial advisors get paid, sort of. What are the different models?
Lauren Connelly Guest
21:52
Sure, there are a lot of different ways that advisors get paid. So typically, the way that we work is you know, we'll meet with someone up front, do a free consultation, you know, talk through the scenario and based on that, we would make a recommendation on how we would suggest working together. How we get paid is by managing assets. We don't take a fee for putting together the financial plan. That's all part of, you know, the wealth management and investment management services that we provide. Um, not saying that we don't ever do that, but you know again, typically um I'm trying to get myself in trouble with compliance here Uh, you know, other advisors may use um funds that have that fee built into them.
22:39
So when they sell you a product, um, you a product, you know, the fees are kind of being taken behind the scenes. And other advisors don't manage assets at all. They just charge for the financial plan, a flat fee, maybe a couple hundred dollars, maybe, you know, a thousand or a couple thousand every time you get a plan done. I think the biggest difference again in what we do is, you know we take a holistic approach, right, we're doing the planning and we're implementing that plan. We're talking and revising constantly with our clients and you know making changes as we need to. So lots of different ways fees are collected. Another great question to ask up front when you're meeting with an advisor.
Karen Covy Host
23:28
Yeah, and what you mentioned is really interesting because I think a lot of people don't realize that when a financial advisor recommends that you invest in X whether it's a mutual fund or a life insurance policy or whatever it is that they might get paid by the mutual fund company or the life insurance company, they get a percentage or a commission or whatever you want to call it right, and a lot of times people don't realize that, so they don't see that fee and then they don't understand what the advice is really costing them. Right, and I like that you know you're upfront about your fees and you're like we take a percentage and that's it, and that there are some charges that are free, especially for a person who's going through a divorce, to get a financial plan and to get that done at no cost or a nominal cost, can be a huge benefit to them so that they can evaluate okay, do I go with settlement proposal A or B? Does that make sense?
Lauren Connelly Guest
24:35
Yeah, absolutely. And again, we're not attorneys. We're always going to defer to your attorneys. We can't tell you this is what you should expect or can expect. It's not a lot of modeling out. If you were to get this, this is what it would look like. Or really, again putting you at the center of that plan and saying you know here's what you need, regardless of what you can expect. Or you know, really just talking about what it is to help you achieve again those personal goals.
Karen Covy Host
25:07
Right, and that's a big part of it, because even getting people to think about what their personal goals are Right, because you've, if you've, lived any length of time as a family unit or as a couple, you're not thinking about, oh, what do I want? And I like that you're redirecting people to say what do I want my long-term financial future to look like? That's an important question.
Lauren Connelly Guest
25:36
Yes, and it can be very daunting. So, again, those are sometimes. They're difficult conversations at times, but it's also really rewarding. I mean having those conversations and watching certain individuals go through coaching with their mediators, like you, Karen. They meet with a coach and they meet with their attorneys and therapists and all the other professionals that they're working with during these extremely difficult times to navigate. And then you have other conversations, maybe in a couple of months, where they're just a new person and you see that how you know, having that support system and, you know, advice in place just can make such a world of difference.
Karen Covy Host
26:23
Yeah, and you point out something that is really important for people to hear, especially the people who are in the thick of it or haven't even started yet, is that there is a transformation, there's an arc to this and the person that you, who you are once you're through the divorce, is different than who you were when you started. And that can be. I know it's scary in the beginning, but it can be a beautiful transformation if you have the right support and the help going through. And it sounds like people would do well to have support from a financial planner, not just a CDFA who's looking at a settlement, but somebody who will stay with them and help them grow their wealth long-term. That makes so much sense. So I really appreciate the conversation and your guidance for people who are listening. If people want to know more, if they want to learn more about CFPs or potentially work with you, where's the best place for them to find you? Sure?
Lauren Connelly Guest
27:25
You can go to our website at wwwvestorcapital.com, or you can also find me on LinkedIn and reach out that way. Feel free to shoot me an email as well. It's [email protected]. I don't know if you're going to put that in the…
Karen Covy Host
27:49
We will link everything in the show notes. So, for anybody who's listening, all you got to do is go to the show notes. Wherever you're listening to the podcast or watching on YouTube, everything will be linked up, Lauren, thank you so much. I really appreciate your being here.
Lauren Connelly Guest
Thank you, Karen, it was great being here.
Karen Covy Host
And, for those of you who are watching, for those of you who are listening, if you enjoyed today's episode, please do me big favor, give it a thumbs up like subscribe, and I look forward to talking to you again next time. Thank you.
