Episode Description - How This Accountability Coach Helps You Make Better Decisions
Some decisions feel impossible—until you shrink them to the next doable step. Accountability coach Jill Consor Beck shares how tiny, sustainable actions can help you make massive decisions and manage tasks (like divorce) that seem overwhelming at first.
Through daily text check-ins, Jill guides her clients through the mental clutter that keeps them stuck - whether they're navigating divorce, launching a side hustle, or simply trying to carve out 15 minutes for themselves in an impossibly packed day.
Jill’s accountability method breaks big, complicated “to-dos” into bite-sized moves you can finish in minutes: like reviewing two pages of a large agreement each day, instead of endlessly procrastinating over reading the whole thing at once. She invites clients to practice “strategic subtraction” (doing less to achieve more), to shift from extrinsic to intrinsic motivation, and to adopt a “survive and advance” mindset when life gets messy.
If you can’t decide what to do because the decision you’re facing is too big, or if your divorce “to-do” list has you totally paralyzed, this is podcast episode can help you unlock your own mind and finally move forward.
Show Notes
About Jill
Jill Consor Beck is an accountability coach who gets it—she spent 30 years in a pressure-cooker career, including 10 years in investment banking and 20 years in tech, running on Diet Coke and exhaustion while completely neglecting her own health. After hitting her breaking point and being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, she discovered how to make small, sustainable changes that transformed her life without guilt or overwhelm. She now coaches clients via text, holding them accountable through daily nudges that put them on a path to living the life they're entitled to—whether that's getting physically healthy, making more time for mental health, taking steps toward financial well-being, or finally starting that side hustle they've been talking about. Her approach isn't about adding more to your packed schedule; it's about creating accountability for the small daily choices that add up to the life you actually want to live.
Connect with Jill
You can connect with Jill on LinkedIn at Go Long and on Facebook at Just Go Long. You can follow Jill on X at JLC Beck, on Instagram at Just Go Long and on YouTube at Just Go Long Video. To learn more about Jill’s work visit her website at Go Long.
Key Takeaways From This Episode with Jill
- Jill’s unique text-based accountability coaching approach uses daily personalized text messages to keep clients accountable for small, consistent actions that lead to big life changes.
- She helps clients overcome overwhelm (like reviewing legal or financial documents) by breaking complex tasks into small, doable steps.
- Jill teaches clients to identify what’s truly important and within their control, especially during stressful transitions like divorce.
- Jill uses the “Pie Chart Method” with her clients where she helps them to visually map how they spend their time now versus how they want to spend it in six months, forcing them to rebalance priorities realistically.
- Jill knows that one size does not fit all. Her coaching adapts to each person’s circumstances, whether they’re a parent, professional, or someone recovering from burnout or illness.
- Jill helps clients simplify their schedules by using “Strategic Subtraction which is removing or outsourcing nonessential tasks so they can focus on what really matters.
- Her coaching blends compassion for clients’ struggles with practical solutions that create momentum and confidence through small wins.
- Jill coaches on the “Survive and Advance” Philosophy – Progress doesn’t need to be perfect. Like in sports, a “win is a win,” and small steps forward—even messy ones—still count.
- Sustainable change happens when clients shift from doing things for others (extrinsic motivation) to doing them for themselves (intrinsic motivation).
- There’s Never a Perfect Time to Change – Jill closes with the message that waiting for the “right time” is a trap; transformation begins by starting now, even imperfectly.
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Transcript
How This Accountability Coach Helps You Make Better Decisions
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
accountability, coaching, mental clutter
SPEAKERS
Karen Covy, Jill Consor Beck
Karen Covy Host: 1:40
Hello and welcome to Off The Fence, a podcast where we deconstruct difficult decision making so we can discover what keeps us stuck, and more importantly, how we can get unstuck and start making even tough decisions with confidence. I'm your host, Karen Covy, a former divorced lawyer, mediator, and arbitrator, turned coach, author, and entrepreneur. And now without further ado, let's get on with the show.
With me today, I have the pleasure of speaking with Jill Consor Beck. Jill is an accountability coach who gets it. She spent 30 years in a pressure cooker career, including 10 years in investment banking and 20 years in tech, running on diet coke, and exhaustion while completely neglecting her own health. After hitting her breaking point and being diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis, she discovered how to make small, sustainable changes that transformed her life without guilt or overwhelm. She now coaches clients via text, holding them accountable through daily nudges that put them on a path to living the life they're entitled to, whether that's getting physically healthy, making more time for mental health, taking steps toward financial well-being, or finally starting that side hustle that they've always been talking about. Her approach isn't about adding more to your packed schedule. It's about creating accountability for the small daily choices that add up to the life you actually want to live. Jill, welcome to the show.
Jill Consor Beck Guest:
Karen, it's lovely to be here. Thank you for having me.
Karen Covy Host:
I am thrilled to have you. And I want to dive right in because you have a very unique approach to coaching, doing it via text. I'm curious, what led you to coach via text and how does that work?
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 3:33
You know, the thing is that it's weird because when I tell people they're like, what do you do? And I'm like, I text people for a living. And that's not exactly something that I ever thought I'd be doing. I mean, I don't know if, like, you know, when your parents are like, oh, I'm proud of my daughter, like blah, blah, blah, she's this or that. She texts people for a living. I don't know if that was on the bingo card. But how it works is that a lot of times, you know, particularly in divorce, you're dealing with these very heavy decisions. And they're also very um paper intensive in terms of you have a lot of things to review. And your typical person is probably like, I need three hours or four hours on a Sunday to do this. And let's face it, that is just not going to happen. Like, that just isn't for anybody, whether it's because you're super duper busy or you're distracted by whatever is on TV or you know, whatever it is, that's just not going to happen. And so what I do is that I take my years of tech of breaking things down into small manageable pieces so that this way it becomes more approachable. So if you have like, you know, what is the, you know, for an average divorce agreement, let's say it's 20 pages, right? And maybe not, but let's just say it's 20 pages. You don't have to go through the whole document at once, right? It could be that you could figure out, like, oh, there's, I'm gonna go through like two pages and I'm gonna read it and there's this. And it could be talking to someone like yourself, where it's like, okay, here are the key things that you have to understand and sign off first in a divorce document, right? And it could be me giving someone that advice to talk to someone like you and saying, like, talk to your coach, ask her what is what are the most important pages of this document that you need to review, as opposed to trying to figure out like I have to rate 20 pages of like eight-point font in a contract, and I still need to get my reading glasses that I haven't ordered yet or my progressives, and all these things. So it may be giving you, you know, a client of yours a text and saying, okay, here are the questions you want to ask for Karen if you are completely overwhelmed. If you only have a half hour this week, ask her what is the best use of your time for that half hour. And so that this way, it could because it could be that Karen needs certain information. You need certain information so that you can coach them on the next step, right? Because there's some, there's a dependency there where other things may not be as complicated and can wait down the road in terms of decisions being made. But most people are like, oh, I have to read this whole document.
Karen Covy Host: 6:15
Yeah. Yeah. I think I I love what you do, especially, I know you work with women in a lot of contexts, right? Dealing with a lot of different decisions and habits, health, wealth, all the things, right? But when you add a divorce, a major life transition on top of all of that, it only makes life way, you know, that much more stressful. I tell people going through divorce is like having a second full-time job. You know, that much work. And what happens to people is they get paralyzed by the volume of things that they have to do. So if that's what somebody feels like happening to them, right? They've got this list of documents to get together from their lawyer, this list of to-do's, and they can't even look at it. What do they do?
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 7:09
And I think that, you know, you know, I try and break it down into again, like what is the highest leverage decision you have to make? And so actually have a friend who's also a client, and her ex is moving. Now she can't stop him from moving, and they have two kids and they share custody. But it's the type of thing where you're always looking over your shoulder because the thing is that even if you have a settled divorce agreement, right? And I think you put out um um something on your mailing list this week around like the parenting plan is useless. I think you put something up, right? And I think the thing is that you're constantly looking over your shoulder in terms of something like that that can be very disruptive to your life, to your children's life, right? Yeah. And you're trying to make the best decision for your children, but it's also like this will have financial implications to my friend because of you know, the amount of time it's gonna take in terms of carpooling, you know, if they change schools, like that there are a cascading um amount of events that take place with this one move. And so what I try and do is I try and simplify it and say, like, okay, what don't you have control over? You cannot prevent your ex from moving. Okay, that you can't you can't do that. But it's also what are your levers? And you know, with my coaching, a lot of it is around time management. And I think that you probably do the same thing in terms of your coaching. What levers matter most, you know, when you're working with someone who's getting divorced? What levers matter most to you do you want to keep the house? Right. I think that was another um thing that came out this week. Do you want your kids to stay in the same school district? Like what are the things that are the most important to you? You know, is it this or that? It doesn't mean you can only have one, but you can't optimize for everything.
Karen Covy Host: 9:09
Right. A hundred percent.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 9:10
And that's what I talk to my clients about is that look, there's no such thing as work-life balance. That's like a myth, but there is an opportunity for you to sit there and make sure that you're spending time doing more of the things that are more meaningful to you than others. But it's not going to happen overnight. Um, you're not gonna finalize your divorce agreement overnight, I'm guessing. There's a lot that has to go in, even in the most amicable, uh, amicable situations. You're not finalizing that overnight.
Karen Covy Host: 9:41
No, I mean, that's part of the problem, I think. And I don't know, tell me if you see this in your work, that people get frustrated because they have certain expectations of how long something should, and I'm using air quotes, how long it should take. And then when the reality is different than that, it just makes the whole situation worse
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 10:04
Well, we're in an instant gratification society. You see things on social media, people promising things. You know, I'm sure there are influencers in your space who are like, I can get this divorce worked out for you in 30 days, and like, you know, like all the stupid stuff. It's just like someone saying, like, I you can drop 15 pounds in a month, I can help you with that. Like, I'm sure that there are influencers in your space who promise the world and deliver very little.
Karen Covy Host: 10:29
Yeah. I mean, to think that you could divorce in uh in a month is kind of outrageous, especially in today's world, because at some point you still have to you have to get the paperwork to a judge. The courts are backed up. I mean, COVID was five years ago, they're still backed up from COVID, they're still like it's all the things. And changing anything, plus, I wonder if you see this in the work that you do, especially around health, because even if you did drop 15 pounds in a month, like let's say you you started taking Ozempic or something like that, right? So you dropped a lot of weight really quickly. What's the long-term effect of that on your body? And does the change you didn't make any behavior change? So do those habits come back? Do they last?
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 11:25
I mean, we can do a whole show just on that, those three sentences you just said. But I think that, you know, the one thing that I try and do with my coaching is around I'm teaching you how to fish. I'm not doing the fishing for you. And even at the beginning, so one of the first things I do with my clients is um I give them a pie chart and I'm like, tell me how you're spending your time now. And then I want you to tell me, draw another pie chart. What do you want that to look like six months from now? And the reason why I like the pie chart is that it's a hundred percent and you gotta make it work to a hundred percent. So that means that if you want a bigger piece of the you want a piece of the pie to grow, something else is gonna have to shrink.
Karen Covy Host: 12:06
Right.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 12:06
Right. And it's very visual, and it's it's something that really helps my clients because the thing is is that they get focused on like, oh, I have to like make this grand change, kind of like New Year's resolutions. And I am not a New Year's resolutions fan. Like, yes, it's a busy time for me, but I am actually not a fan. Because the thing is that everybody makes these big promises, like, oh, I'm gonna go to the gym five days a week and I'm gonna get up at 5 30 in the morning, and you've never gotten up at 5 30 in the morning. What makes you think you're gonna do this five days a week when it's let's assume everyone who's listening lives in the northern hemisphere? It's dark and it's cold. Like, you are not getting up at 5 30 in the morning and doing this for a sustainable period of time. Like, let's just be honest about it. Like, now, do you want to try doing it two days a week? Yeah, let's get on board and doing that. But I'm more interested in what are you doing to put yourself in a position to be successful in doing it? I'm more interested in that. So the example is that I'm texting you, let's say you're this person who's like, I want to go to the gym two times a week at 5 30 in the morning. I'm texting you at seven o'clock the night before. And I'm like, Do you have your clothes out? Do you have your water bottle ready? Do you have all the things ready? So let's say you're driving to the gym, right? As opposed to like say you go in on the Peloton in your house, right? Both of which are great. Not gonna, but do you have are you? I don't want you thinking tomorrow at five in the morning, getting ready to leave at 5:30. Like, I don't want you thinking. I don't want any doubt to creep into your head. I just want you on autopilot. I want your clothes in the bathroom. So you wake up, you go to the bathroom, you throw some water in your face. I want the clothes right there that you're gonna switch into those clothes. I want you basically like walking around like a zombie through your house, down, you know, down to where your gym bag is, getting your car keys, getting in the car. Like, I don't want you thinking, I want you literally on autopilot. And that is really where the habit change and the texting comes into play because it's not about the I'm going to the gym twice a week. It's like, how do I put you in a position so that you can go to the gym twice a week? So, how do you put your clients in a position so that they could feel good about what they're about to review in their divorce agreement? Or if you're giving them a set of questions to think about in terms of what matters to them, right? I think you have some kind of intake process for clients. Yeah. So I'm sure you ask a lot of questions. Is that fair?
Karen Covy Host: 14:40
Of course, it's very fair.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 14:42
Right. So you're asking these questions for a reason so that this way you know how you need to organize the coaching that you're going to be giving them based on what they prioritize as most important.
Karen Covy Host: 14:54
Yep.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 14:55
And so I do the same thing, except I'm doing it with your life. So if you're trying to handle going through a divorce, but you're also trying to take better care of yourself and use this opportunity to instill different habits, then it's a matter of me understanding, like, okay, I know that this divorce for the next three to four months is going to be taking up a lot of your time. And let's just acknowledge that. Like, let's just make sure that's on the pie chart.
Karen Covy Host: 15:20
Right. Right.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 15:22
Because if we act like it's not there, then you're not going to make the habit change. So let's just acknowledge that right now this is a priority, but you still want so hard to make these changes. So how do you do that? And so it's figuring out, like, all right, so I was talking to a client this morning. She is not a get up early and workout person. And she's like, Do I need to do that? And I'm like, No. Because fortunately, she doesn't have as restrictive of a schedule as she did maybe like five years ago. So I'm just trying to get her to like exercise. That's what I'm getting her to do. And so get getting her to like exercising by forcing her to get up at 5 30 in the morning when she doesn't have to.
Karen Covy Host:
That's not gonna happen.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: That's not gonna happen. And it's not gonna be sustainable, even if she does it for me, it's not gonna be sustainable. And I think that when you're talking about working with a coach, they have to be willing to understand what's gonna be pragmatic for your life. And so depending on the age of the person you're working with and how old their kids are, you probably have very different approaches in terms of how you manage your clients, right?
Karen Covy Host: 16:36
Right. It's it depends on what they need, and it sounds like you focus in a similar way. It's like, what does this human in this circumstance need in order to succeed?
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 16:51
Yeah, I mean, if you're dealing with, say, someone who we'll call late-stage person getting divorced, like someone who's been married for 30 years, right? What concerns they are going to have are going to be different than someone who is 35 and has young kids. It’s going to be boarders and magnitude different.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 17:08
You might have the same questionnaire, but the answers are probably gonna be very different in terms of what they prioritize. Yeah, dealing with child support with the person later there, but it may be that they were a stay-at-home parent the whole time of their marriage. So then it's like, okay, now we're talking about alimony.
Karen Covy Host: 17:25
Right.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 17:26
And so whereas with the 35-year-old, you're very much talking about like staying in the same house because the school district is a big deal. And they have, and I mean, right now you have people who aren't getting divorced, who aren't um moving out of their house, even though they might be unofficially divorced because of the interest rate they have.
Karen Covy Host: 17:45
Oh, yeah, that's really mucked up a lot of people because no one wants to lose the low interest rate that you know we may never see again, or at least not for a decade or two.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 17:56
Yeah, yeah. I mean, like that's a thing. That is a real thing.
Karen Covy Host: 18:01
It's a real thing.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 18:02
And so you might have a client who is optimizing for I need to keep this house. So then it's like, okay, if you want to keep this house, here's what you're gonna have to probably give up in order to keep this house, and having that like realistic conversation. And so I have those conversations where it's like, okay, you don't want to work out in the morning, right? Here's what you're gonna have to course correct, right? Because you know at four o'clock, once you hit four o'clock, you are not gonna get on the bike, right? So we have to sit there and put in some behavior change and some like check checkpoints, right? And that's where the texts come in to make sure if this person works out before four o'clock, because once it hits four o'clock, they have no motivation to work out, right? So it's just adapting to what that is for everybody.
Karen Covy Host: 18:48
So are you texting people every single day?
Jill Consor Beck Guest:
Yeah
Karen Covy Host:
Really?
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 18:54
Yeah, I text them every day, and it's it's funny because I've definitely had people who were like, You are such a bleeping, I don't know if I can swear on this show.
Karen Covy Host: 19:06
Um knock your socks off.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 19:08
All right, you are such a fucking pain in the ass. And then they're like, but I'm paying you to do that. And I did go and I did work out because you texted me, or I did go and I did this thing. Then I had another client who literally told me, and I shared this on social with her permission, that um she's like, I want to lie to you sometimes. I really want to lie to you, but I can't lie to Jill. And, you know, and look, I'm not gonna shame you for lying to me because you're just lying to yourself, right? Like, I'm not gonna be that person. And I'm not, I've had people ask me to give them negative reinforcement, and I'm like, I am not gonna be that person. Like, I'm not gonna shame you for not doing it. I'm gonna sit there and I'm gonna ask you what you could have done differently. There will be times where I might be like, you're telling me you're sitting on the couch, and I might say to you, stand up, hit the remote, off, go change. Like I might literally be that way and get on the bike. But that's not negative reinforcement. That's just..
Karen Covy Host: 20:08
directive.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 20:11
They're just like give giving you direction and saying, like, look, you can do this, and that'll be the text for the day. Like, it's like, hey, Karen, did you work out today? No, I didn't have a chance, you know, blah, blah, blah. It's like, okay. Well, I'm watching this. Okay. Here's what we're gonna do. You're gonna stand up, and then you're gonna do this, and you're gonna do that, and you're gonna do that. So, yeah, you get a text every day. And but it's very bespoke. And the thing is, is that it's not AI, it's me. Because there are certain times when you could be a client and I can have another client. You can both essentially say the same thing to me, but the context is completely different. Um, and it may be that a gif may be completely appropriate, right? Like a laugh, ha ha ha. And then another time it might be like, oh wow, that's really bad. Like, I'm sorry, like that type of thing. And you know, I do use AI in like certain aspects of running my business, but the coaching is me because it is so situational in terms of the problems that my clients have. And I mean, you you deal with that with your divorce coaching, is that it could be that like a kid, you know, one of the kids of your clients like got diagnosed with something and that changes everything, and now they have to finish a whole bunch of doctor's appointments.
Karen Covy Host: 21:36
How do you help people when they are juggling so many things? Because to your point, the pie, it's a zero-sum game, right? You've only got the pie to work with. And if you're giving more time to something, like all of a sudden you have inserted a divorce into someone's life, something else has got to give, right? So, how do you help people either shift their priorities or remove their attention or time from a certain thing to give it to another? How do you go about making those helping them make their own priorities?
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 22:16
It’s called strategic subtraction. What is going to be your strategic subtraction? Right. And it's really around you're going to be able to do more by doing less. And what I do is that, you know, I look at those pie charts and I'll sit there and say, all right, well, I'm not looking for you to find five hours in your week. Like, I'm not looking for you to do that. I'm looking, let's see if we can find a half hour in your week. And we start with that. And we build confidence through that. So yeah, all of a sudden you're like, okay, I have to spend time doing this divorce situation. And maybe it's not realistic to only expect a half hour per week in the beginning. But whatever it is, what we do is that we figure out like, look, is there a way that you can get some help? Is there a way where you can do instead of cooking, maybe you're doing meal prep, you know, in terms of one of those meal prep services, you know, where you're doing that or you're door dashing your groceries, right? Or Amazon, like the thing is that you have to make the decision on time is money, and how are you spending your time? And is it makes sense? Something that maybe you wouldn't do normally. But the thing is, is that because you have to spend time on this divorce, right, to make sure that you and your family are properly taken care of. All right, maybe I'm gonna pay for Amazon to deliver my groceries, right? Or Instacart. Okay, maybe I am going to hire someone to pick up my kids from school and get them to their after-school activity because I need this time to focus on blah. And obviously, you know, these are just examples, but the thing is having the conversation. I mean, people are coming to me, you know, they have disposable income, right? And I'm not saying they're all like, you know, these are middle class people, you know, people with disposable income. And at some point, you have to have the conversation in terms of your time is worth something. And you're trying to save, like, you don't want to pay whatever the$50 Amazon fee to deliver your groceries, but how much do you charge an hour in your consulting practice?
Karen Covy Host: 24:32
Right. Right.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 24:33
Like, I mean, I literally have this conversation with people. It's like, you charge like 600, you bill at 600 bucks an hour. Are you telling me you don't want to spend 50 bucks to get your groceries delivered?
Karen Covy Host: 24:44
Like yeah.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 24:47
And sometimes it's literally having that conversation and someone being like, Yeah, you're right. I need to, you know, just do that, you know, or I've taken I've chosen this career because it does fulfill me. And if I want to continue having this career and I want to still be active in my kids' life, there are probably certain things that I can pay for because I really do want, I really do love my job. And it's having those honest conversations with people without making them feel judge and saying, like, look, like, so you know, you used to be, you know, practicing attorney. I mean, even though you're still a lawyer, you're never not a lawyer, right? But the thing is, is that it could be if you're working for a big law firm, right? Let's say that was you were making orders of magnitude more money, right? But the thing is that you have a lot more autonomy now, and that's what you've exchanged for, is that you have more autonomy to call your shots, to live the life you want to live, to take the types of clients that you want to take on, right? Which you wouldn't get working for a big law firm. And so having those conversations with people when they're stuck and saying, like, look, I can't give up this, I can't give up this, I can't give up this. And I'm like, well, let's rethink this. You could have your kids help you with meal prep. Your kids are old enough, like your kids are 13 years old, 13 and 14 years old. Your kids can help you with that. So there's most of the time there are levers to work with.
Karen Covy Host: 26:20
Right.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 26:21
And it's my job to figure out what levers are gonna get you to make the change and feel like you have skin in the game. That's really the big thing, is that they feel like they have skin in the game, but not enough skin in the game to make the change. And so it's like, okay, what's gonna make you feel like you have enough pain? Right? Because I mean, yeah, let's face it, people don't change. If habit change was so easy, everybody would be doing it. But most of the time habit change happens. In my case, it was because of the it was taking me 45 minutes to get out of bed while being on two heavy-duty medications with my rheumatoid arthritis to make the change. Like I just woke up and decided I deserved better. And so it's I somehow try and find a way to kind of wedge in where they where they're like getting them to admit that they're feeling a pain. I'm not trying to cause the pain, obviously, but I'm trying to get them to acknowledge the pain.
Karen Covy Host: 27:21
Right. Well, what do you so I know you coach a lot via text, but do you actually have conversations with your clients as well, like on the phone, on Zoom, wherever, but person to person.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 27:35
Yeah. So I have some clients, I do an intake, um, like so you fill out the intake form and we meet live. Everybody gets that. And if you um that's on the basic plan. And if you do the six-month basic plan, there are two of those meetings, like a you know, a three-month check-in type of thing. So I have clients who do basically it's exclusively over text, but I also have clients that I meet with monthly. I have clients for an hour where they just want like it does, it's not as big of a time commitment, but it's enough to kind of get into whatever it is that they're struggling with, and we can kind of problem solve together some of their meatier problems, right? If like I'm noticing a trend in terms of like you're not getting your workouts in or you're not making time on the side hustle, then we can kind of get into that a little bit more. Um, I have clients that I talk to for a half hour every other week, you know, because they want a little bit more hand holding. So it just depends on what people want. Now, obviously, if people want more of my time, the rates change as a result. But the thing is that what I think is the most popular plan, truthfully, is meeting once a month for an hour. Like that is literally the most popular plan. And I mean, I work with clients for a minimum of three months. Like you can't make any change in three months, but really the clients who have like if you think about like I don't know if you charge by the month or by the hour, or if you have like just like an engagement, but you're not gonna see change in less than six months, like meaningful change. You're not gonna see it.
Karen Covy Host: 29:04
What is it that they say? And I've heard different things, I've heard this change over the years of how long you have to do something to cement in a habit. I think the latest thing I've heard, I don't know how well-founded it is, is you've got to do something for at least 21 days to start and to make a new habit.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 29:26
I mean, it depends, right? It I think that there's making it a habit. I think it actually goes a little bit differently. It's more of there's extrinsic motivation and intrinsic motivation. And so the thing is that extrinsic motivation might be um, I want to lose weight because I want to be there for my kids. And so you're getting, you're motivating yourself to get out of bed, you know, whatever, three days a week so that you can exercise and lose weight and everything else. And I'm oversimplifying really what's involved in all that. But at some point, you cross this chasm to where you are doing it for you.
And I think that's the thing that people, that's the nuance that people miss. There's like, okay, yeah, there's making the habit change. But I think what's more meaningful is when you make the mindset shift that you are doing this for you and not someone else. Not for me, your accountability coach, not for you, the divorce coach, but you are doing this work for you and your future and your children's future. That is what helps, that is what's going to solidify making that a habit. And that's a lot longer than 21 days. But that is to me the most sustainable, that's to me is the biggest marker of making something sustainable and for and durable for the long term. Does that make sense?
Karen Covy Host: 30:51
Yeah, no, that makes total sense. Um, and I'm wondering too, and maybe this isn't a fair question, um, but a lot of people or a substantial percentage of people who are going through a divorce, either the bad marriage and the conflict in the marriage took a toll on their health, or the divorce on top of it takes a toll on their health. So they're often juggling multiple problems at the same time, which is why divorce is so tricky because you've got, you know, the your regular life plus the kids, plus moving, plus divorce, plus you know, plus your health. Going down the toilet. So if somebody came to you with that sort of a scenario, where would you start? And how do you help them prioritize, okay, this matters the most now, then we can move to that, then we can move to that, etc.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 31:47
Yeah, I mean, that that's everybody. No one comes to me. People might think they're coming to me with solving one problem, but it's never just one problem. It's really around, I'm trying to eliminate the mental clutter so that you can make these big time decisions. And so if we take someone who comes to you and they're dealing with all those things that you just said, right? What I'm trying to figure out is what are the biggest decisions this person has to make over the next three to six months that we're working together.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 32:18
And I'm working back from that. And then I'm like, what is getting in the way of that? Are there things that aren't serving them that they think are still mandatory but aren't mandatory anymore? Certain relationships, whatever that is, things that they could put on the back burner. Because that's the other thing. You don't need to sit there and say, oh, there's no more of this. It might be that right now you just need to put this on hold, right? To focus so that you can focus on this that makes sense to you. So like let's say you're on like the school board, right? Um, you're on the PTA or you know, whatever it is, or you're you signed up to do the school's like charity auction, right? That's a big one out here in Seattle. Um, but it may be that you need to just take a step back. And it's having that conversation to say, like, look, if you think about the grand scheme of things in terms of this, where you need your brain power to focus. So right now, I would say a divorce, you need your brain power, even though someone would have someone like you there. Okay. If I'm your client, I still need to make the decisions. You're presenting me options, but ultimately this is me, and I have to make the decisions.
Karen Covy Host: 33:28
Exactly.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 33:29
And so I have to remove the brain clutter and the mental clutter from your client's brain so that this way they can focus on that bigger picture. And for some people, it's very simple. There are simple things I can move. I could say, like, look, you could sit here and ask for help here. You know, it's as simple as, like I said, getting your groceries delivered, you know, like when you don't think you have problems. Like there's and then other things that might be like, Look, there may be certain like commitments that you have that you just have to take a step back from. Because, and a lot of times, and I think this is with women, we become so task focused and not possibility focused. And I want to talk about that a little bit.
Karen Covy Host: 34:09
Absolutely. I love that idea.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 34:12
And so the thing is, is that I got this to do, I got this to do, like all that shit that you just said. Like, I got all these things to do, and oh, I gotta like go get my mammogram and blah, blah, blah. You know, like all the things, right? And they don't think about the possibility. And so the thing is that especially in your line of work, it's like if you're able to focus, you're talking to your clients, like, imagine what your future could be like where you don't have like all of this like unseen stress. Like, I have a really close friend of mine who went through a divorce recently, and this was someone who was stuck in the interest rate thing, and fortunately she figured it out and stuff. And when I said to her, I'm like, when he moves out, you are not gonna believe how much lighter you're going to feel because you're not gonna have to work around him in the house. You are not gonna believe how much metaphorical weight you are gonna feel that you have lost. And like within a week, she was like, Oh my god, right? And so it's bringing that possibility-focused mindset to people, right? As opposed to I gotta do this, I gotta do this, and it'd be like, you know what? I'm working on this stuff because I don't want to feel like I have to walk on eggshells in my house while I'm sharing a house with my soon-to-be ex.
Karen Covy Host: 35:39
Mm-hmm.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 35:41
How many times have you had that conversation?
Karen Covy Host: 35:43
Oh, yeah. Living together while you're going through a divorce is miserable. Miserable. I mean, even in the most amicable divorce, it's awkward, it's uncomfortable, you don't know what to do, what to say, where to go. Like, it is just not the best situation. But there sometimes there are strategic reasons why doing that makes sense. And sometimes there's practical reasons why doing that makes sense. You don't have a choice, right? Literally financially for a certain period of time. But what I love about what you're saying, too, is that if you look at something as it's a decision for the moment, we're gonna do this for the next month, two months, three months, whatever the time period is, but you don't look at it like I'm making this decision for the rest of my life, right? The stress of making air quotes permanent decisions is so big that it keeps people stuck. I don't know. Do you see that a lot in in your work as well? That people they think, oh my God, life depends on this. I've got to make this decision one time and get it right, and I can't ever change.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 36:52
I talk about survive in advance all the time. And I feel like it's from like sports, you know, where like the NCAA tournament where there's 64 teams, and it's like, it doesn't matter if you win ugly, doesn't matter if the first seed wins ugly. It just matters that you won. No one cares that you won ugly, right? And same thing with tennis, I'm a huge tennis fan. And no one cares if you won ugly, you still get the paycheck. You don't get less of a paycheck in professional sports if you win ugly. You still get the same paycheck. Yeah, and so the thing is that a win is a win. And a lot of times I'm telling, like, I'll have a client who will say, like, I didn't get to work out today because my kid was sick this morning. Okay, can you get out for a 15-minute walk? Yeah, I can do that. And they'll go out for a walk. And the thing is, is that is it the same thing as like a half-hour ride on the Peloton? No, it's not. But the thing is, is that they felt better. But the other thing is that it's a survive in advance situation because it's like, look, you got through it, you managed to make some time, and now you're on to the next thing. And tomorrow's another day. And that's okay. That tomorrow's another day that you can do something else. And I literally was telling another client today about that. She's new and she felt I let you down, Jill, and blah blah blah. I'm like, you didn't let me down, and I don't even talk about that. You let yourself down. She has like a personal situation going on that's pretty insane. But but I said, I'm like, tomorrow's another day. Yeah, you have a chance to do something tomorrow, and we're gonna and we're gonna figure out how you're gonna do it tomorrow, and it's gonna be okay. But survive in advance is that it epitomizes again empathy for the struggle and pragmatism for the solution. And so the thing is that we figured out a way to get you to do something and you're on to tomorrow. Yeah, and it shows that you can carve out the time if you really want to, even though you weren't expecting to do that 15-minute walk. Like that wasn't on your bingo card for today. But guess what? You figured out how to do it. You took a call potentially that you didn't need to be on camera for, you know what I mean? Or you took your kid for a walk and you're like, we're gonna go for a walk. Or it's like, you know what, I'm gonna walk the dog today instead of just let the dog out in the backyard. There's all these ways that you can do this if you know you want to, and I'm here to help you get creative about it. But survive in advance is very popular. Um, and I'll send you the link to that um that blog post because it was probably one of my more popular blog posts. But it's just it's like it's okay to survive in advance. Like you're looking at social media and everyone looks like they're fucking killing it, and they're not.
Karen Covy Host: 39:45
I know they're not gonna show you when they're not, they're gonna show you the perfect life.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 39:51
Yeah, just like shut up, like stop following that, stop like comparison is the thief of joy. Stop it, like just focus on you doing the best that you can and getting through the day, and most people are surviving and advancing. That is what most people are doing, and it's okay.
Karen Covy Host: 40:13
Yeah, I love that. I really, you know, I will link to your blog post in the show notes of this so that everybody can find it. I think this is such a cool concept, and you have so much to give everybody, and you know, so just getting a text every day would be so helpful for so many people just to say, hey, did you do the thing? Right? Just a little bug in their ear. I think your service is so needed by so many people. Um, and especially I love the idea of, you know, you're not on the treadmill doing all the doing the next task and the next the next task, you're actually looking at what activity will move the needle, what how do I move the biggest chunks, make the biggest decisions, and then go from there. So, Jill, I really appreciate our conversation. If the if there's one thing you could leave listeners with, one idea about time management and getting through, you know, handling all of the craziness of modern life, right? What would it be?
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 41:17
There's never a perfect time to make change. Like there's never gonna be that perfect time, so you might as well start now. And I think there's a lot of shame where people are like, I shouldn't need help with time management, I shouldn't need help with accountability coaching, you know, I shouldn't need help with being accountable. But here's the thing like, I don't care what your problem is in terms of what you're trying to solve, I'm gonna help you solve it. But I'm not like I have I've had clients come to me about like intimacy issues with their partner and wanting to have, you know, having more sex more frequently. And they have figured that out, you know, like I've given them some ideas and I don't care how personal this is, but you might not tell your friends that is my point, but you can tell me that.
Karen Covy Host: 42:03
Right. That's and that's the beauty of having a coach like you because it's personal, but it's not so personal, right? I mean, yeah, there are a lot of things that you wouldn't, you just don't want other people to know unless they're a professional.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 42:19
Yeah, and it's like I, you know, like if you're if you're trying to talk to your friend about like say an intimacy issue, you may not want to tell them because your friend knows your partner, right? So the thing is that like I don't know them, like I don't care, right? I mean I care, but I mean I care about you feeling good about solving the problem. But I'm completely objective. I don't, I don't have, you know, I'm just here to help you. And I think that there was never a good time for that person to come with that problem to me, right? And that's the thing I want people to take away is that there's never gonna be the perfect time. It's not gonna be when you finalize the divorce, it's not gonna be decide when you decide that I'm getting divorced. There's just never the perfect time, just like there's never the perfect time to get divorced. Like it just only gets more difficult. Like I always say to people, it never gets easier to break up.
Karen Covy Host: 43:12
Yeah, that's true. And the same thing I would assume in your in the work that you do with people, like there's never a perfect time to start that side hustle. There's never a perfect time to who wants to go on a diet or lose weight or do all the there's always something coming up that that gets in the way. So at some point you just got to suck it up and do it.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 43:33
There's always gonna be some family event where there's gonna be all the things or some vacation or whatever it is. And so it's just like, look, let's just get some habits so you can manage around it.
Karen Covy Host: 43:43
Yeah, I love that. I love that. Jill, thank you so much for everything that you've shared. If people are interested in working with you or learning more about what you do, where's a good place for the for them to find you?
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 43:55
So I'm on all the socials. So Instagram, just go long. You can find me on LinkedIn, I'm on Substack, so gone golong.substack.com. And then there's my website, golong.me. And you can find me if you type in Jill Consor Beck, you will find a way to contact me. So um I look for I Karen, first of all, thank you so much for this conversation. I think there's a lot of overlap in terms of the work that you do and the work that I do in terms of like how do you figure out the bespoke way to help each of our respective sets of clients and maybe some overlap in the future, right?
Karen Covy Host: 44:31
Yeah.
Jill Consor Beck Guest: 44:32
So I really enjoyed this conversation. I really appreciate the opportunity. So thank you.
Karen Covy Host: 44:35
You're welcome. And it was great having you. And, you know, for those of you who are struggling with time management and wondering how am I going to add a divorce into an already overbooked schedule and get everything done, someone like you, Jill, would really be a godsend because you could help them make the make the changes that they need to make that are sustainable for the long term. So thank you so much. I really appreciate it. And for those of you out there who are listening or who are watching, if you enjoyed today's conversation, if you'd like to hear more conversations just like it, do me a big favor. Give this episode a thumbs up, like the video, like the, you know, like the episode, subscribe everywhere you listen to podcasts, subscribe on YouTube. And I look forward to talking with all of you again next time.
Jill Consor Beck Guest:
Thanks so much, Karen.
Karen Covy Host:
Thank you.
