Bragging Rights – How to Own Your Greatness After Divorce

Episode Description - Bragging Rights - How to Own Your Greatness After Divorce

What happens to our self-confidence when a marriage ends? For many, especially women, divorce not only shatters their relationship but also erodes their ability to advocate for themselves when they need it most.

In this podcast episode, Jeannette Seibly  a veteran leadership coach and business advisor, breaks down the misunderstood art of “bragging” and explains why it’s crucial for rebuilding your confidence. With over three decades of experience, Jeannette reveals how learning to talk about your wins isn’t arrogant—it’s essential, especially when your self-worth has taken a hit.

Jeannette also explains how our reaction to the idea of “bragging” comes from societal norms that condition us to minimize our success, and how that tendency to play small holds us back during critical moments like job interviews, negotiations, or dating after divorce. Jeannette's unique method of harnessing the power of “bragging” helps people shift from feeling invisible to owning their power—with data, not drama.

Show Notes

About  Jeannette 

Jeannette Seibly, an award-winning Talent Advisor, Leadership Results Coach, and Business Author, boasts over 32 years of hands-on experience. Her expertise helps leaders and bosses refine their hiring, coaching, and management practices and achieve their intended results. Along her journey, she has guided the creation of three millionaires and numerous six-figure earners, all while championing those ready to elevate their game to new heights. Her newest book is: "Get Your Brag On!"

Connect with Jeannette

You can connect with Jeannette on LinkedIn at Jeannette Seibly and on Facebook at SeibCo, LLC.  To find out more about Jeannette’s work, visit her website at SeibCo, LLC where you can also find her book, “Get Your Brag On!".

Key Takeaways From This Episode with  Jeannette

• Jeannette Seibly, a talent advisor with 32+ years of experience, discusses how divorce often damages self-confidence, especially for women, and how proper "bragging" can rebuild it.
• Jeannette explains that most people (particularly women) are conditioned from childhood not to brag, but owning your achievements is crucial for self-confidence and negotiations.
• Her 5-step method for effective bragging includes: listing your knowledge areas, identifying talents associated with each area, documenting achievements with specific numbers, creating a concise "I am" statement, and developing a brief background statement.
• Effective bragging is factual and uses specific numbers, which people don't perceive as bragging but as authentic information that demonstrates your value.
• During negotiations (divorce or otherwise), maintaining inner confidence is crucial - prepare by knowing your worth, having your facts organized, and staying centered.
• In high-stakes discussions, silence can be powerful - avoid over-sharing or "editing while talking," which often leads to revealing too much information.
• The "alphabet exercise" (going through each letter with a positive self-affirmation) can help rebuild confidence during difficult times.
• Mirror practice with your "I am" statements before social situations helps you become comfortable with your new identity and confidence level post-divorce.
• Journaling over time helps document personal growth and increase self-awareness during challenging transitions.
• Shared example of a young woman who went from one dance studio to five and eventually choreographed on Broadway after learning how to properly advocate for herself.

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Transcript

Bragging Rights - How to Own Your Greatness After Divorce

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

 self-confidence, negotiations, divorce recovery

SPEAKERS

Karen Covy,  Jeannette Seibly

Karen Covy - Host: Hello and welcome to off the fence. A podcast where we deconstruct difficult decision making to try to figure out what keeps us stuck. And, more importantly, how do we get unstuck? I'm your host, Karen Covey, a former divorce lawyer, mediator, and arbitrator, turned coach author, and entrepreneur

With me today I have the pleasure of speaking with Jeannette Seibly. Jeannette is an award-winning talent. Advisor leadership results coach and business author with over 32 years of hands-on experience. But she started when she was 2. So she's very young. Her expertise helps leaders and bosses refine their hiring, coaching and management practices and achieve their intended results

Along her journey Jeanette has guided the creation of millionaires and numerous six-figure earners all while championing those ready to elevate their game to new heights. Her newest book is, Get your brag on, Jeanette. Welcome to the show

00:01:04

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Thank you. It's a pleasure to be here

00:01:06

Karen Covy - Host: It's a pleasure to have you, because I wanted to tackle with you one of the toughest topics in divorce which doesn't seem like it's related to you, but very much is because so many people women, especially when their marriage falls apart, their confidence goes with it. So I wanted to talk to you about confidence and bragging, and all the things. But before we dive into that, can you tell the audience share a little bit about your journey. How did you get to the point where you're talking about? Of all things in the world, bragging

00:01:44

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Well, there's a really wonderful story about that. But before I begin, just for the sake of transparency for your listeners, I've never been married and never been divorced. But I have a lot of friends and family who have gone through divorce, and the divorce crazies, and some of them more than once.

I'm not. I'm not a divorced professional like you are. However, I do work with a lot of business professionals and divorce can look up many, many different ways. But to answer directly your question I this all came about years ago. In fact, I was working in Detroit, just started my business and was with all these other women, and these women were fabulous and yet they weren't closing the sales. They weren't getting the awards. They weren't getting the contracts and a lot of it I finally learned through my own personal experience was because we didn't know how to brag. We didn't know how to sell ourselves. And this really came home for me when I was being nominated for the leadership award through the National Association of Women Business Owners in Detroit and the Pr firm that was working with me kept saying, we need some more specific. We need something more specific. And I'm like, I don't know what to do, and it was interesting, because from all of that and all that observation, and having worked with so many business professionals and people who are unemployed or underemployed or people wanting contracts and really taking them through the steps. It made a big, huge difference in them with their self-confidence and their self-worth because, as you know better than me, divorce can be very detrimental. Not that we don't have similar experiences out there, you know, if we have a partner that embezzles money from us, or we are in a dysfunctional family, or something of that nature. Yes, that can be very crisis like a crisis. However when you're married normally people stand in front of their best friends and family, and vow to one another to honor and support each other. And so it's to me. It's like even a bigger betrayal, because now you've got to face all those people that were there to support you.

00:04:24

Karen Covy - Host: Yeah. And how? How does that kind of a betrayal? Or, you know, because some of a lot of my clients they might have been the one who had to finally make the decision to end the marriage. So they in a lot of ways feel like they are the betrayer, even though it takes 2 people in a relationship to contribute to the breakdown of that relationship. So it's not like, it may have been their decision, but it's not like. It was all of their air quotes fault, right that they were the only one at play. But you know, how does that affect their self-confidence?

00:05:07

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: I think it affects it. Big time. Doing what's right for yourself is not easy. We haven't been taught that it's easy. We've been taught to stick it out, hang in there. overlook certain things that today we just can no longer overlook betrayal. Embezzlement. What have you? I mean? It happens in many different genres. But in a divorce there's that trust that we had that's now irrevocably broken, because even if you manage to get back together and stay the, you know. Stay married. You're never gonna forget that. And I think one of the things that. And I've seen this with friends where they just want the other person to change. If they would just change, then everything would be fine It's like in business. If the employee would just change, then I wouldn't have frustrating sleepless nights, you know, as a as a boss. Well you can't change other people. You can only look within yourself and that's where the brag work, the brag exercises that I created for the book make a difference, because a lot of times we're just not present to what we have achieved. We get so focused on the negative that's going on in life. I mean, I'm just as guilty

00:06:35

Karen Covy - Host: Yeah, I mean, I think that's the way the human brain is wired. It's wired to keep us safe so that we survive so that we pass on our genetics, I mean from a biological neurological standpoint. Life is very simple, however, the way that affects us on a day to day level, and how we go about functioning in the world can be very, very different. So it gets in our way. So let's talk about someone who, for whatever reason doesn't have that self-confidence. Or here's another thing. Maybe they've been taught their whole life that bragging is bad. You shouldn't brag about yourself right, because that's not polite. What would you say to someone like that?

00:07:19

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Well, the good news bad news is, we've all been taught that is bad and wrong. So that's just a given so like the air we breathe right So for baby boomers and Gen. Xers, and maybe your older millennials. We were taught very young, particularly as young ladies, that it's not okay to brag. It's not okay to say I did that, or I won that or succeeded at that. And for our younger women and men, too, they have the added pressure. So the Gen. Zers, the younger millennials of the we versus I. So we did that we achieve that.

And I remember a friend of mine saying, I mean it was. It was so funny because we were talking. And she was she, she reminded. She reminds. She told me about the time she was in 4th grade and there was this group project, and she was the only female, but she was also the only one that worked on the project. And so the guys were all standing up front in front of the room. We did this, and we did that, and she could no longer take it, and she let it rip, and said you did not. I did. I did all that work, and the teacher admonished her. That's not ladylike.

You shouldn't be doing stuff like that. So we have a lot of examples and a lot of really bad experiences where we have tried to say, Hey, I won that, hey? I did that. I got that blue ribbon. I was 1st in my class like that, but we get admonished for it.

00:09:03 Karen Covy - Host: Yeah. So how does somebody go about undoing the years, maybe decades of social programming that says it's not polite to brag. You don't do that. That's not what a good girl does, or a nice guy does right

00:09:20

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Right. Well, first, st you've got to sit down and say, Okay, enough of this nonsense. We're going to try it out. Jeanette's way, so to speak. I remember, ladies and gentlemen, I've been doing this for a long time, and my commitment to people is for them to own their greatness, like everybody has won things accomplished. Things

have had successes. And we really need to shine. We really need, particularly in today's world, where we're out there trying to get a new job or a new opportunity, or financing for a business, or just simply going through the divorce process, which can be crazy of itself because they want this, and then they want that. And then they're trying to show this. And then they're trying to hide that again, having our inner self esteem is really really critical.

00:10:13 Karen Covy - Host: Well, how can someone go about building that when they've just been shot in the foot, so to speak, right? Because the places where self-confidence and self-esteem start to become super critical is when you're in the negotiation stage of a divorce to be able to stand up and say, No, I want this. This is my proposal. I'm willing to listen to what you say, but this is what I say, and it's a good proposal. That's 1 place and then the other place is just in life in general, having the confidence and the ability to go out and get that new job to appear in social settings that you might not be. You might not have had to have been in for a long time like dating like it, going out to events like going out with friends in a way that you wouldn't have done while you were married. How do you go about building that kind of confidence, you know, and being able to brag about yourself because a lot of people look back and go. Oh, no, I really didn't do much. I you know I didn't do anything that's really that important in my life, you know. What do you say to them?

00:11:23

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Nonsense! Give me the wet noodle.I do that story a lot, but one of the things we have to acknowledge and work alongside in pulling together our brag statements is the grief process. I've worked with a lot of clients who don't grieve.  They just put on their happy face, put on their armor invisible armor, and go out there inevitably there will be a meltdown.

So everybody, I'm sure Karen's already told you this. honor, your grief work with somebody who's a grief counselor in the process of doing that, and will help you do that is, get your brags on. So you want to look at in in my book I've got 5 steps. The 1st 3 are knowledge, talent, and achievements.

So list everything that you know everything. I don't care what it is sales, attorney, gardening. marriage, divorce, I mean everything like really get it out, and it's and just do it in one or 2 words and that in and of itself, it's like, Oh, wow! I know all that stuff. Oh, okay. And sometimes people stop after writing down one or 2 because they get caught up in their head. They got their mom or their teacher on their shoulders, saying, No, no, no. so you want to just say thank you for sharing. Go away

Then the next column is talent. And what you do is you take each area of knowledge, so say for myself assessments and then the talent would be hiring, coaching, managing leadership development again, use one or 2 words and use a verb to describe each area of knowledge. And all of a sudden people are just starting to go. Oh. I can do that.

It's even better if you can work with a friend because they go well, remember that. Oh, how about this, you know, and that's a great way to say, Oh, yeah, because a lot of times we get caught again up in that head up in that swirl because conditioning, social conditioning, parental conditioning. What have you can be very, very powerful

00:13:44

Karen Covy - Host: Yeah, I love that because, friends. they're more apt to tell you what they see and remind you of who you are, more so than you would think yourself so. I love that. Keep going

00:13:58

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Okay, the next is the secret sauce. This is where the rubber meets the road. So, for example well, first, st let me tell you what you need to do, and then I'll give you an example. So so the achievement has to be 2 numbers because you can't just say, well, I've spoken with a hundred people. Okay, well, that's nice. But what was the result? The result is the secret sauce. The result is where all of a sudden the energy like, last week I was doing this. Get your brag on workshop, and the energy was like here. And then by the time we left, you could just feel it

And in fact, there's 1 woman stood up and shared her brag statements, and afterwards somebody said, Well.are you aware of? I mean, would you normally share that?  She looked at him. Go. Heck? No, but because that she did that powerfulness that greatness from within, that inner power, was able to rise.

So what you would do is take your knowledge, one talent, and sometimes people would combine them. So I'm going to do assessments hiring. And then the achievement is, I'm gonna give you 5 numbers here just to stretch people out of their 2 numbers. Oh, no. So I worked with an 18 million dollar company. I took their turnover from 42% down to 26% did that in 6 months, saving them a quarter of a million dollars.

All of us, every single one of us have those kind of experiences. It's getting present to them, you might say. Well, I don't know my numbers.

I got it so use percentages more than less than I would do the more than thing at least, and share that now that's the hard part. Writing this stuff down isn't so bad. But then sharing it. That's  the tough part

00:16:16

Karen Covy - Host: Okay, let me interrupt for a second, who are good people to share it with, because I would think that sharing it with the wrong person will end up with the same kind of response you got in 3rd grade from the teacher

00:16:30

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: I would not agree. I would respectfully not agree. I would say everyone and anyone

00:16:36

Karen Covy - Host: Really, okay.

00:16:38

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: But you never, ever, ever know who you are inspiring could be the person you're talking directly with. It could be the person eavesdropping in conversation could be the people walking by or at the next table you just never, ever know. And the problem is is, if we start judging, should I or shouldn't I? We just withdraw back within ourselves. It doesn't really help us

00:17:07

Karen Covy - Host: Okay. But what if you share you? You brag, you know, and you're really proud of yourself because you got something very specific, you know, with numbers and all the things, and you get smashed. I mean somebody, just it's like, Oh you know, they give you that that reaction like Oh, my gosh! She's really going on about herself, or you know they do what essentially the teacher did in grade school to you like, if somebody were to have that kind of reaction.

How? What can you, as the person who finally got the courage to do this like, how do you react? How do you respond, what can you do so that you don't get smashed inside

00:17:49

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Well. 1st of all, there's 5 steps, and we've just gone through the 3. So you're not gonna go through and list everything and share that that would be a little. That wouldn't be a little. That'd be a lot of raggadociousness

00:18:04

Karen Covy - Host: Okay.

00:18:05

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Don't do that, but here's the thing. So you've listed a bunch of different stuff And so for work, you might say I am. A leadership results. Coach with over 32 years of experience, and along the way guide the creation of 3 millionaires or you might be a game night with your neighbors, and you might say, you know, I just completed this 1,000 piece puzzle. I did it in a week.

2 numbers. They're not going to listen to you as being bragging. They're gonna get it. They'll get.  

So step 4 is the I am statement, and you want to do that in 20 words or less. Keep it factual. So if I'm introducing myself to you or somebody else, I am a make sure you know your audience and then, if they say, Tell me more. You go step 5. My background includes. Keep it short and use your numbers. The reason why people don't necessarily hear the numbers as being bragging is because is factual.

Now, if you're really lying, I mean I had a trial attorney, one Tommy. Tell me everybody lies, and it's stupid. I thought, well, I can't help you with that one

00:19:34

Karen Covy - Host: Trial attorneys tend to be a little bit jaded

00:19:36

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Little braggadocious there. But most people aren't going to do that because you're not going to. Most people are not going to share lies. They're not going to say, well, I'm a multimillionaire when maybe they only have a couple dollars in their wallet. Right? They're not going to do that. Most people are pretty honest. So if you're being forthright, and how you share it. It's really really important. It's like Walt Whitman said, is ain't bragging. If you've done it. and people can hear that they can hear the authenticity, and that's critical.

00:20:15

Karen Covy - Host: Okay, so let's say, let's bring this sort of into practical terms. Let's say that you are about to go into some sort of a negotiation, whether it's a business negotiation, or it's a divorce mediation, or a negotiation with your spouse, or whatever. And you feel like you don't feel confident, and you know you've done all the homework right. You walk in prepared for sure, but you're trying to build yourself up so that you can do. Well, what would you advise someone to do in those circumstances?

00:20:54

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Well, I would do the IM. I would maybe even come up with a affirmation kind of thing, or something that I do sometimes in the middle of the night. You know where those little fear mongers take over your brain.

So this is a really great exercise that I think a lot of people would value. And it's aside, you know, you like your brag statements, and I'm going to come back to that in just a moment to talk more about negotiations. But there's this called the alphabet exercise.

So you go through the entire alphabet and you go. A. I am amazing.

B. I am beautiful. C. I am considerate. D. I am determined

You go through the whole alphabet. I promise you. By the time you get to XYZ. Or you're struggling a little bit with words. You'll be feeling a little bit different about yourself. So that's that's really, really key

00:22:01

Karen Covy - Host: Interesting.

00:22:02

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: With the negotiation. It's really really important not only to do the brags on you yourself, but also on what happened what was going on right now. So let's say that you're in a negotiation for a settlement, child support, or what have you? What are the brags? What factual information can you put together along with your attorney, your advisor and then you stick with it. I am determined I am a good person. I have integrity, whatever those words are, and you might have this little thing in the back of your head, saying that throughout the entire negotiation. because in the, as you know better than me. They can be very contentious. You can have red herrings thrown at you that have nothing to do with anything, just to throw you off your game. know what you've done, know what you brought to the marriage, know whatever the agreement was, etc. Etc. And have an attorney that is in your court.

00:23:11

Karen Covy - Host: Yeah, it. It sounds like a lot of this is tied in with your own sense of self worth

00:23:18

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Yes.

00:23:19

Karen Covy - Host: Which can take a hit in divorce for sure. So it sounds like before people go into a negotiation. There's probably a fair amount of work that they need to do to build themselves back up again

00:23:37

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Yeah. I would agree. Advocacy starts with you or not, you you, but you, meaning within yourself that inner power is critical. And you cannot rely on your attorney, or your therapist, or your clergy, or whomever place of worship, to do that, or even your best friend to do that for you. That's why it's very important to go through the Ktas and just keep writing. Don't get caught up in your head. Just the fact of doing that. There's some exercises in the back of this book

about like what I just shared with you with the alphabet. If you only do that every single night you're going to be feeling better gradually. One of the things I had to learn early on when I was in between jobs, and it was hard it was hard to be in between jobs. Back then it was 30 and out you went to a job. You worked there for 30 years, and then you retired. Well, that wasn't going to happen in my case. That's why I started my own business right. But my point being is, everybody has gone through some humiliating circumstances, fear based anger. What have you? And that's why it's important to work through that grief like critical. But do the writing - create your own journal. You know, today I'm feeling down because of. And guess what I've been through this before, and I'm a winner.

That's the kind of stuff you need to do. But is it bragging absolutely? Do I applaud you absolutely? Will others? People applaud you? I think they will. because it really the more confidence, the self-worth, the advocacy, the owning of your inner power and your greatness, and then putting a voice to it. It's it's priceless

00:25:41

Karen Covy - Host: I'm curious. Are there any circumstances where you wouldn't want to brag where it could hurt you? Or is this a skill that it's going to serve you well, no matter what you're facing

00:25:55

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Well, clearly, if somebody's need needling you for more money, you don't want to be telling them and bragging that you have more money. I mean, that would be the obvious one, or letting the judge know. Hey? No problem. I can go get a job making a hundred grand more a year. Yeah, I wouldn't. I wouldn't advise that either. So yeah, that's that would. And I'm sure the attorney wouldn't let the person speak anyway. At least I hope they wouldn't. That's called shooting yourself in the foot. But knowing within that, hey? There's this job opportunity that I'm gonna go for it

00:26:33

Karen Covy - Host: Yeah.

00:26:33

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Using your brags to go make it happen. It was interesting. I remember this woman telling me a story years ago where she was working with a woman who was really really good at what she did. And there was this job posting for I mean, it would have been more money, more prestige everything. And so the woman she says, hey! Why don't you go apply? Oh, I just couldn't! I just couldn't do that, you know I who me? And so she finally just probably just to get the person off her back, went and looked at the job description, said, Oh I've not done all that stuff. And the person who was telling me the story said, Well, you know, there's a lot of men who haven't done all that stuff, either maybe one or 2, maybe 3 of the 10 things but they would go for it. So in those cases, what back to your question in a negotiation, while that's good to know it may not be the right time to share. It is my point

00:27:46

Karen Covy - Host: That's true. But again to your point, I mean, I find it fascinating because you're not the only one I've talked to who, you know, has said something like this, that we, as women are socialized to not go for things, because if I can't check every single box, then I'm not qualified using air quotes, qualified. And therefore I'm not even going to try right so. And whereas men don't seem to have the same restrictions right there, they're socialized to just go for it, no matter what, and you'll figure it out as you go. So if you happen to have been the kind of person, male or female, who feels like well, I you know I don't have every single qualification. Therefore I cannot do this. What would you say to that person? And how do they like? There's a difference between bragging and lying right. How can they present themselves so that they're confident, but not overstating the truth of what their qualifications are.

00:28:54

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Well, I think it gets back to what we what I outlined, where the 5 steps like go through them. It's not something you need to share with anybody. Just go through like your pro. Do a private journal like go through that And then work with your attorney and listen to what he or she says. Sometimes we want to tell everything, because that's the way we are, and it's like that's called being stupid. Right? You don't tell everything, and the men are not afraid to withhold, you know, certain critical stuff if it's in their favor now, not all men. And this isn't male bashing. So for guys listening, I'm not bashing you at all. A lot of my clients are men, but a lot of times you don't tell all. And women have this need to tell more than maybe they should

00:29:43

Karen Covy - Host: Yeah.

00:29:44

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: And sometimes they do it for a variety of reasons. They talk too much or and men can do the same thing. or they're not feeling good about themselves. So this is a way for me to feel good about myself. I'm going to tell you everything so, and if you've been doing your ktas. You've been doing the alphabet you've been doing. The journaling chances are you have found a center within yourself that is much calmer, much more at peace, you trusting the attorney to do his or her job on your behalf. And so I think it's the thing called, and sometimes I have trouble with this myself called Trust the process. It's like, well, no, I want it, and I want it. Now. I wanna know the end result. I want it now.

00:30:33

Karen Covy - Host: Yeah.

00:30:34

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Well, and I used to. I had a counselor tell me this one time used to want to smack him. It's like what in the world. I got all that. But what about now, you know? And that's where, again, really going within really honoring that inner confidence, that inner power, your self-worth, because again, it's a process. And there's been studies done, for example, like where people who are unemployed, who literally journaled for 6 months and then went back and looked at where they started, could see a major difference.

Same thing would be going through a divorce or any other struggle, because there's a lot of struggles out there today. You know, we have the the natural disasters. We've had a lot of people having to file for bankruptcy. Family dysfunction is becoming even more of a bad thing that's been happening again. It's like honoring ourselves. You can only do what you can do

00:31:39

Karen Covy - Host: Yeah. And I think you make a really good point, too, in any kind of negotiation. It's no one to shut up right, because

00:31:50

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: But wait.

00:31:51

Karen Covy - Host: That it's when you get diarrhea of the mouth and you just run on and run on. That's when the shooting yourself in the foot happens. And normally it happens because of a couple reasons, either we're nervous and we don't. We're just trying to fill the space with something or we're not confident we don't believe in ourselves. And so we it's almost like you kind of have to keep talking to prove everything that you are and can do and all that. So if somebody is in, let's say, a high stakes negotiation, whether it's in a high stakes, business or personal negotiation, the context of a divorce, and they feel that urge to overshare. Shall we say, how? What can they do? Do you have any tips on how they can stop themselves, you know, short of like stuffing their fist in their mouth.

00:32:49

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: 2 2 things. Silence is golden in a negotiation. Just be quiet and sit there. Sit there. Notice how hard that is for people

00:33:13

Karen Covy - Host: Yeah, I mean to

00:33:15

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Okay.

00:33:16

Karen Covy - Host: Go ahead!

00:33:16

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Not the silence? Tell me more

00:33:18

Karen Covy - Host: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

00:33:20

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: And then the second piece is, we have a problem. A lot of people have this problem called editing ourselves while we talk. And that's where we get ourselves in trouble. So we start off talking about ABC, and we'll get through A, and then we try. Take a detour and then we might or not come back to B. And then, if we could, we might take another detour and that's the water of the mouth that you were just mentioning where we get ourselves in trouble. That's where, if you can do it when you're practicing 20 words or less.

And I'm sure that a lot of, you know, in trial work. I mean, you see this on TV, or read this in book only answer the question, and then they take them through it. So I'm assuming that they do something similar in divorce work. And it's important that you understand that you don't need. You're not there to train them on everything, or tell them everything that's involved. Answer the question, be quiet, silence is golden. They will probably share something inadvertently that you can then use

00:34:37

Karen Covy - Host: Yeah, that that makes all the sense in the world. And you're a hundred percent right, you know, training someone or preparing them, prepping them for trial, or a deposition, or any place where they have to talk, and their words are going to matter, and could potentially be used against them, being very careful in your word choice and you know, saying it's better to say too little often than to say too much, because the more you run on, the more opportunity.

00:35:11

Karen Covy - Host: The more it's like the old. I don't know if you remember from years ago I'm dating myself now, but the old dragnet shows you

00:35:19

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Oh, that's my favorite

00:35:20

Karen Covy - Host: Yeah, yeah, anything you can say can and will be used against you in a court of law. I mean, it comes the legal Miranda warning. But I remember it from those TV shows. And so you just like, Be quiet, you know.

00:35:32

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Yeah, nothing but the facts, ma'am, is exactly Like the other sayings

00:35:36

Karen Covy - Host: Yup, nothing but the facts.

00:35:38

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: And there's 1 other thing that just popped in my head was a lot of times in this situation. It's ego clashing with ego

So if you can go in and literally dial down the ego dial up the humbleness, and just listen

00:35:59

Karen Covy - Host: Yeah.

00:36:00

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Just let it flow over you and do some of the other things that we've talked about in this podcast they're gonna be in a really good place to win what they need to win in the negotiation

00:36:13

Karen Covy - Host: Yeah. let's shift gears a little bit before I let you go and talk about using bragging. And, you know, building your self-confidence even after the divorce, because you're going to go out into the world as a different person, really, because you're no longer married, you're single, and you're presenting yourself. Maybe you've got to get a job or get a different job. As a result of the divorce, you're dating again, or you're just out with different people, out with friends.

How can you, in that situation, start to rebuild your self-confidence and use bragging to do that

00:36:55

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: My favorite exercise. Get in front of the mirror before you go out and use your I am statements from your brag work, have fun with it.

Share some of the ktas first.st You might be really serious. Other times you might go like has some fun with it. Silly. Be sad like. Do whatever you got to do in front of the mirror until the person looking back at you gets it. Then you're set. You're ready to go

00:37:31

Karen Covy - Host: Why is the mirror important? Can you just do it like in the car to the you know, to the air. Why, a mirror

00:37:38

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Because you're reflecting back, a lot of people are so afraid. Okay. So I'm looking at Karen. I'm I'm so afraid of how she's gonna react to what I'm saying. And so as a result, you might flinch because of something that has nothing whatsoever to do with the conversation.

But they're going to take it personally because they're sharing something that's personal. Because, remember, they've just gone through this divorce or this you know, this crisis, or what have you, and they're still feeling vulnerable, a little timid. But if they can have that other person looking back, there's like this reflection of, I've got this

00:38:20

Karen Covy - Host: I love that I love that all right. So before we, before we wrap up. Is there anything else you'd like to share with our listeners about bragging about the value of bragging, or how it can help them, not just go through a divorce, but recover from it

00:38:40

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Oh, I've got so many stories, but this is one of my favorite stories, so I have to tell it. As far as I know she's never been through a divorce, but it's something that they can look at as something to aim towards

So it was a young woman I'd done this workshop years ago, and there was a young woman by the name of Kaylee, and I mentioned her 1st name, because the very 1st page is my testimonial, and Kaylee's testimonial is right there. And we're doing the workshop in the workshops. You actually write out your ktas just to get you started. Give you the practice, and she raises her hand and goes. I'm only in my twenties. Haven't done anything.

I said. All contrary. I don't care if you're 8 or 80. Everybody has achieved stuff in their life. It's really just a matter of becoming present to it. And so I'm thinking more about a couple of years go by and the event Coordinator goes. Jeanette, I gotta tell you a story about Kaylee. You remember Kaylee said, I do. She goes. She's gone from one dance studio to 5. I go. Oh, my goodness! She goes. Oh, because she learned how to brag. I thought, that is so cool, and you could see this smirk on the event. Coordinators face because I knew something else was coming. She'll say, here's the bigger brag she's been waiting for this. Are you ready

00:40:01

Karen Covy - Host: Okay.

00:40:02

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: She is now choreographing dance on Broadway.

00:40:08

Karen Covy - Host: That's awesome.

00:40:10

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: All because she learned how to brag, and while Broadway, in and of itself may not be your listeners. Goals, we all have a Broadway goal or dream within us

00:40:23

Karen Covy - Host: Yeah.

00:40:23

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: And like, we've been talking about throughout this podcast is life is a process, not an event. Learning how to brag learning, how to own your greatness, learning how to share what you've accomplished in a way that others get. Your value is priceless.

00:40:43

Karen Covy - Host: I couldn't agree more, and I appreciate your being here and your sharing your wisdom with all of our listeners. Jeannette, if somebody is interested in learning more. If they want to learn more about how to brag, or maybe get your book, where's the best place that they can find? You grab a copy of your book.

00:41:03

Jeannette Seibly - Guest: Well, you can go to amazon.com. You can go, Barnes and Noble any of your independent stores, or if you're not quite sure where you want to go. You can go to my website. It's seibco/books/

 and there you have all those choices that I just shared with you also for those of you who want to do the Kta worksheets. a free download. Go to seibco/kta/ It'll take you directly. There

00:41:52

Karen Covy - Host: That is wonderful, Jeanette. Thank you again. So much for being here and sharing, and for those of you who are listening go grab some of Jeanette's free downloads. Go get the book on Amazon. And if you liked today's episode, if you appreciated this content, if you'd like more, just like it do me a big favor. Give this. A thumbs up like the podcast subscribe to the podcast subscribe to the Youtube channel. And I look forward to seeing you again next time