Episode Description - Divorce Recovery Tips That Help You Choose Better Love
"Your divorce doesn't define you." These powerful words from divorce recovery coach Leah Marie Mazur capture the essence of her transformative approach to healing after divorce. Leah Marie brings raw authenticity to the table, sharing how her own journey through three divorces led to profound self-discovery and eventually, to her calling to help other women, especially moms, to rebuild self-esteem, set boundaries, and navigate both divorce recovery and co-parenting with confidence.
Leah Marie emphasizes that divorce recovery isn't just about getting over the end of your marriage. It's about understanding your patterns, taking ownership of your role, and learning to meet your own needs so you don't rely on others to fill emotional voids.
Leah Marie and co-founder Samantha Boss also created the Next Chapter membership, a private community and resource hub specifically for women dealing with high-conflict divorces and co-parenting struggles. The platform offers practical tools, compassionate support, and the reminder that divorce is not who you are, it’s just one chapter in your story.
Show Notes
About Leah Marie
Leah Marie Mazur is a Certified Divorce Recovery Coach, and the founder of Mindfully Ready and co-creator of The Next Chapter membership. She specializes in helping divorced moms heal, rebuild self-esteem, and co-parent with confidence after high-conflict breakups. Through coaching, courses, and community, Leah empowers women to set boundaries, prioritize themselves, and create fulfilling new chapters in life. Her own experience of navigating three divorces fuels her passion for guiding women through recovery with compassion and proven strategies.
Connect with Leah Marie
You can connect with Leah Marie on LinkedIn at Mindfully Ready and on Facebook at Mindfully Ready. You can follow Leah Marie on TikTok @mindfullyReady, on Instagram at Mindfully Ready and on YouTube at @mindfullyready. To find out more about Leah Marie’s work visit her website at Mindfully Ready.
Just Launched!
The New Woman Within: Empowered Moms, Empowered Kids. A self-paced program designed to help divorced moms heal, rebuild confidence, and create a life they genuinely love—while modeling healthy coping and boundaries for their children.
Key Takeaways From This Episode with Leah Marie
- Leah Marie Mazur is a certified divorce recovery coach and founder of Mindfully Ready, helping divorced moms rebuild self-esteem, heal, and co-parent after high-conflict breakups.
- Her journey began after her second divorce, when she realized patterns rooted in abandonment issues and a fear of being alone, which drove her unhealthy relationship choices.
- Through therapy, journaling, meditation, and mindfulness, she learned to heal, break patterns, and become whole on her own.
- Her third divorce was peaceful, showing that self-work allows healthier relationships and more amicable endings.
- Leah Marie emphasizes journaling, reflection, and self-awareness as tools to track healing, avoid victim mentality, and learn from past relationships.
- She highlights the influence of family of origin and generational trauma on relationship choices and the importance of therapy and mindfulness to uncover and resolve these patterns.
- Community support is vital during divorce, as friends and family may not understand; shared experiences reduce isolation and provide practical guidance.
- Leah Marie co-founded The Next Chapter membership community, a private app offering workshops, resources, Q&A sessions, and peer support for women in divorce or co-parenting.
- She stresses self-care during divorce, likening it to putting on your oxygen mask first—sleep, nutrition, and stress regulation are essential for clear decision-making.
- Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint; clarity on priorities, boundaries, and long-term goals helps women avoid burnout, make better decisions, and set themselves up for future success.
- Do you want me to also create a set of keywords/summary words (like we did before with other transcripts) that capture the essence in just single terms?
Do you like what you've heard?
Share the love so more people can benefit from this episode too!
Transcript
Divorce Recovery Tips That Help You Choose Better Love
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
boundaries, generational trauma, self-care
SPEAKERS
Karen Covy, Leah Marie Mazur
Karen Covy Host
00:10
Hello and Welcome to Off the Fence, a podcast where we deconstruct difficult decision-making so we can discover what keeps us stuck and, more importantly, how we can get unstuck and start making even tough decisions with confidence. I'm your host, Karen Covy, a former divorce lawyer, mediator and arbitrator, turned coach, author and entrepreneur. And now, without further ado, let's get on with the show.
With me today I have Leah Marie Mazur, and Leah Marie is a certified divorce recovery coach and the founder of Mindfully Ready. She's also the co-creator of the Next Chapter membership. She specializes in helping divorced moms rebuild self-esteem, heal and co-parent with confidence after high-conflict breakups. After high-conflict breakups, through coaching courses and community, Leah empowers women to set boundaries, prioritize themselves and create fulfilling new chapters in life. Her own experience of navigating three divorces fuels her passion for guiding women through recovery with her compassion and proven strategies. Leah Marie, welcome to the show.
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
01:22
Thank you, I'm excited to hang out and chat a little bit with you today.
Karen Covy Host
01:26
I'm excited to hang out and chat with you as well, because you do such great work. I've seen a little bit of it here and there on social media because you're everywhere, but I want to start for people with how you started on this journey. How did you get involved in divorce recovery coaching?
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
01:55
So, after my second divorce, that was really my ugly wake-up call. That's when I realized, man, I can't keep finding myself in these just bad, unhealthy relationships and so I need to do something differently this time. And so, I really dove into all of the personal development things, the journaling and the meditation and mindfulness and cultivating self-awareness and working with the therapist and just doing whatever I could to figure out why I was making the choices I was making and get myself to a place where I felt whole and happy and secure on my own. And through that process is where I wound up just I had all of these tools, right. I mean, I had learned so much and I had gotten myself kind of to the other side and I had all of these tools. And so I became just really motivated and inspired to help other women who were just kind of a couple steps behind me going through it and didn't know where to start.
Karen Covy Host
02:50
That makes a lot of sense. Do you have kids?
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
I have one daughter.
Karen Covy Host
So you went through that whole journey and I think what you said that is so interesting to me is that you wanted to break the pattern, that you saw that there was a pattern and you wanted to stop doing it again, and that's something that I see so many women struggling with. What got you to the point where you realized it was a pattern and not just random?
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
03:18
I think it was just the fact that I found myself going through a second divorce from a relationship that was really unhealthy. And so I realized, through some of that work right, that's kind of the idea of doing that inner work is trying to figure out what your patterns and habits and behaviors were I realized that I was, I had abandonment issues. I mean I was choosing people out of a fear of being alone because I had lost both of my parents at a young age. And so just kind of like putting all of the pieces together and realizing why I was choosing the type of partners I was choosing and why I was even choosing relationships. And it was just because I was afraid of being alone. And so I was able to then face that fear and figure out how to do that. How do I lean into being alone? What does that look like? How do I get comfortable here so that I can start choosing better partners?
04:14
And then, for those listening, you had in the intro said three divorces, and that's true. So some of you listening are like, well, what about the third one? So that inner work after those first two divorces led me to marrying an amazing man. It was the healthiest relationship I had ever experienced at that point and there really were just some incompatibilities that couldn't be fixed and we just decided, as mature adults who cared about each other, that it was important for us to walk away with our friendship still intact, and so it's been the most peaceful, stress-free ending ever, and I really attribute all of that work I did on myself. So sometimes relationships obviously no one gets married thinking they're going to get divorced. Sometimes things don't work out, but you're going to choose much better partners if you are getting yourself to a place where you know who you are, you like who you are, you can stand on your own two feet and you know you can be whole and happy and fulfilled on your own and you don't need someone in order to feel complete.
Karen Covy Host
05:27
What I love about this is that because a lot of people you're right would hear okay, two divorces, she did all the work and she still got divorced again right. But the experience of it that you're describing is very, very different. So it sounds to me, from where I'm sitting listening to you, that all that work wasn't a waste. You might not have ended up with the till death do you part partner, but it still sounds like the work that you did and are doing makes a lot of sense and has helped.
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
06:00
Yeah, 100%, and it also makes this easier, right Like, I have the tools, I have the coping mechanisms. I have kind of like the blueprint of how to get through this and give myself the space to feel all the feelings and work through whatever comes up from this separation. It's just us deciding to want more for ourselves, and I firmly believe that everyone should be doing that. And you know, if you're in any type of relationship where you just feel like it's not the right fit, I think life's too short to not walk away, and that's just my belief.
Karen Covy Host
06:38
Yeah, I agree with you 100% that you know, if you believe in marriage for love, you can't not believe in divorce too, because at some point some relationships they just don't, they just don't work out.
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
06:53
Yeah, and that's okay.
Karen Covy Host
06:55
Yeah, and it's what I'm hearing you say is you have to give your permit, yourself permission to say it's okay, there's nothing fundamentally or inherently wrong with you.
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
07:08
Yes. Yes, that's right
Karen Covy Host
07:09
Because I think, as women, that's the go-to. Okay, what did I do wrong? What's wrong with me? Why am I doing this? And I love how you're saying it. Might not be that at all, I mean, which isn't an excuse to not do the work right. But it's interesting that we're having this conversation today, because I was just at a breakfast meeting and met someone who I was talking to who said you know, my divorce was two and a half years ago and I thought I was over it, but I'm still struggling, like it still comes up and bites me, so to speak, in various different ways. What would you say to someone like that? What tools do you have or should somebody be looking into to recover I mean, fully, really recover from a divorce?
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
08:00
Well, I think it depends on what's coming up specifically, right. Are you internalizing it? Is it shame? Is it guilt? Are you just triggered? Is it anger? Is it resentment, right? There's a lot that can still be coming up that maybe you're holding on to. So, I love, and what I think is such an amazing tool that is highly underestimated, is journaling. This is something that can give you so much clarity and can be so therapeutic and give you a lot of answers to maybe, questions that you have. It helps you dive deeper and peel back those layers. It helps you track your progress.
08:39
So often we forget how far we've come in our journey and when you're documenting on a regular basis, you kind of have that to refer to, to look back and go oh, I've actually come a lot further than I thought. Or, yeah, maybe I'm still hung up on this, but six months ago I was hung up on this other thing that I don't even think about anymore. So that's a great place to start and just making sure that your divorce is not your identity. It doesn't define you. It's something that you experienced, right? It's a part of your story. It's not a part of who you are. So be careful you're not internalizing it as something that's like you weren't good enough or you're a failure, or you're hard to love, or whatever that inner dialogue is. Is, you know, whatever you're telling yourself? Um, you know, not all relationships are meant to be forever. I mean, that's just the way it is, even though we we hope, you know, when we, when we marry somebody, we think that it's it's can, you know, go the long haul. But sometimes it doesn't, and that's okay.
09:45
So it's about what did I learn from this? If I reflect, what was my role in this? Were there things I want to do differently? Were there red flags I missed or ignored? Were there boundaries I should have been setting? Was I not advocating for myself? Did I settle? What types of things do I not want to tolerate in the future? What did I like? What did I not like?
10:07
It's about pulling the wisdom. It's figuring out what worked and what didn't, and what you want to do differently, moving forward. And that's what's going to empower you to make better choices and choose different partners and get better results, moving forward. So it's really just a lesson. It's a life lesson If you, if you choose to look at it that way, you, you know, can also, um, you know, there's a lot of people that stay in victim mentality after divorce and they just point the finger and you know which? Hey, if that's what you want to do, that's, that's okay too, but you can't. You can't make better decisions moving forward, you can't choose better decisions moving forward, you can't choose better partners moving forward if you're not also owning the role you played, because we all played a role.
Karen Covy Host
10:52
Yeah, 100%, and I think that you pointed out something really important, because our tendency is to say it's your fault you did this to me versus understanding the role that you played, and I think it depends on how hurt you are and where you're at in your own journey In the beginning I'm sure everybody feels that way initially, but then to have the ability to take that step back and say, okay, what was my role in it.
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
11:23
Yes, and it's not saying, okay, this is all my fault, but we all play a role, and when you can self-reflect and acknowledge some of the parts that you played, it only empowers you. It helps you moving forward.
Karen Covy Host
11:40
Well, yeah, and it helps you from to your point, not just marrying the same guy in a different body, right? Because we all have patterns of behavior and we all tend to repeat them and play them out until we resolve whatever the issue is that caused us to marry that guy in the first place.
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
Yes, exactly. Yes.
Karen Covy Host
So what? And I'm curious, what role do you think your family of origin played in this? Like generational trauma, and those kinds of patterns? Do those have a role in what we do in our world today?
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
12:18
There's so many things that we carry around subconsciously that we don't realize that we picked up through seeing our family members do it. Or I think there's a lot of things, whether it's people who are like low self-esteem, or people who just are afraid of being alone, or people who have a habit of settling, or people who just have a fear of what other people think, and so they live their life based off of what they think that other people want them to do. Right, there's a lot of things that can come up. There's your own worth and your own standards. Sometimes that's a reflection of how you were raised and the needs that your parents did or did not meet for you as a child.
13:04
Like, a lot of the time, that the people you know, partners that we choose are based off of the stuff that was going on in our childhood and we don't realize it unless we go back to again cultivating that self-awareness and really asking ourselves like well, like why do I feel this way? Or where does this come from? Or when did this start? Or why is this? Why are these the types of partners that I'm attracted to? You know, were there things that I was missing that I feel like now I'm filling those voids with this external source right, or this validation from this other person. So, at the end of the day, I think it's really just learning how to reflect but also meet your own needs, so that you are not apt to try to grab other people and pull them into your orbit to try to fill those voids and meet those needs for yourself, right.
13:59
I love that idea because so many of us in Western culture have been taught that when you get married, the two become one right, so you merge. But it's not two halves make one whole Right, two wholes make one dynamic relationship. it's something very, very different. But when you're trying to pick through this generational trauma or the idea of what you picked up as a child, is that something that you think you have to go back and talk to your parents about or like dredge up whatever happened back in the day, or is it work that you as a person can do on your own?
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
14:43
You can absolutely do it on your own. I think that it's great if you have the type of relationship with your parents where you have that open communication and you're comfortable to ask them questions and they'll be honest in answering them. That certainly can't hurt and you can uncover a lot there. But I will say I mean, I lost my mom when I was 16 and my dad at 21. So I don't have the opportunity to have those conversations, and so is it required? No, I think it's just again.
15:12
This is really where therapy is such a great tool, right. Working with somebody to help you kind of draw some of that out and understand it in a clearer way, because we all have blind spots, right. We all have things that we can benefit from somebody else taking kind of a more aerial view and showing us things from a different perspective. That then gives us a different understanding of ourselves, and so that's why I think therapy is a great tool. Journaling is a great tool, and just doing things like meditation and mindfulness and things that just help you become the observer of yourself and not just reacting to all the madness that's going on in your head all the time All of those things play a part in helping you feel more empowered in the choices that you're making.
Karen Covy Host
16:03
I love that because it's like the fish in the water, the fish in the fish bowl. You don't even know you're in water because you're a fish right, and whereas somebody standing outside can see not just you, the fish, but the bowl and the water and the whole thing. Yes, An entirely different perspective. What do you think is the role of support or community in helping someone move along in their healing journey? Because you know you can talk to a therapist, you can do all the things yourself, but you can still end up feeling like it's just me, I'm the only one you know bad about yourself. How does, what role does community play in helping you along your healing journey?
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
16:47
life-changing it's.
16:50
It's it changes the game because it's such an isolating experience and even if you have family and friends with the best intentions and who are there to love and support you, if they've never gone through what you're going through, they just can't relate, they can't understand, and even if they have gone through a divorce, it could be a completely different experience than what you're going through.
17:14
So when you can connect with a group of people who actually get it, who understand what you're experiencing and why certain emotions come up or why you're struggling with certain things with your kids, or why these things are happening with your ex, because they're living it, it changes everything. Not only do you feel way less alone and isolated, but you have people to lean on, you can ask questions, you can gain support and guidance, you can share your success stories, you can share the things you're afraid of and then have 10 or 20 other people comment on your post if it's like a Facebook group or something and say, oh, I just went through this or this happened to me recently or I'm struggling with the same thing, and that community aspect completely changes your experience and can just give you so much more clarity also on making decisions that will help you along and help things maybe be less difficult or confusing or stressful, because you're talking to people who have walked through the path before you have
Karen Covy Host
18:24
Right and I, you know, I often tell my clients that when you're going through this and you're listening to the peanut gallery, you know your family and friends, who have the best intentions, only want what's good for you, but then they're filling your head with things that come from their experience, which might not be anything like your experience.
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
18:43
I mean exactly, and this happens a lot. Like what- like for some examples are you know you get divorced, right. And then your, your besties, like okay, let's get you on those dating apps, I'm going to get your profile going, we're going to hook you up, and you know, I'm sure they're doing it out of love, they just want to see you happy. But that might not be like, you might not be anywhere near ready for something like that, right, and so you, you have to know okay, well, what is best for you, like, what works for you. Not necessarily, you know the, the well-meaning advice that's coming from those in your closest circle.
Karen Covy Host
19:14
Right, and they do. You know nobody's none of, I hope, none of your friends or family are giving you bad advice just because they're, you know, out of spite, but they have the best intentions, but their experience being so different, you know who knows whether following their advice makes sense, and I've heard so many people. Dating is a great example, because so many people are like they feel pushed into the dating world and that's really the last thing that they want to do. But then if you say to your friend stop it, no, I don't want to do it Now, you're alienating your friend too.
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
19:49
Right, right, and that can cause some or. Or you just feel like you know no one understands, or or you feel like maybe you're in the you're wrong, because these people seem to think that this is the natural next step and that's what you should do to make yourself feel better, and then you're kind of second guessing your own intentions and it can get a little messy. So I think it's wonderful when you have family and friends to lean on through it, but it's also vital to connect with communities who are really living it and understand what you're experiencing, so that you can get some more objective advice and some maybe more practical guidance along the way.
Karen Covy Host
20:32
Right, and also you don't want to burn out your friends. I mean, after a while you've got a friend who isn't going through the same thing.
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
20:40
Yeah, just hearing about it all the time
Karen Covy Host
20:43
You know like we're done, yeah, and you don't want to do that as well. So tell me about the community you've built, because it's a pretty thriving robust community.
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
20:53
Yeah, so myself and my one of my best friends and also a coach, Samantha Boss, we created a community called The Next Chapter, and it's for women who are going through a divorce and co-parenting, usually in high conflict dynamics.
21:08
So they're dealing with somebody who's really making their life difficult and kids are involved, and so it's complicated and there's a lot that comes up, and so it's a private community so the women can connect with each other 24 seven and lean on each other and ask questions. Also, we have live workshops every Monday on different topics that are touching your life, that you're experiencing and that you have questions on. So there's a massive library of resources in there. We do live Q&A sessions that we can answer, like specific questions tailored to your experience, and it's just it's become successful because we've both gone through it right, Sam and I. We've lived it so like we knew this was the thing that we would have loved to have had, you know, when we were going through those kinds of things, and so we just kind of created what we wish we had at the time and it's been helping a lot of women. It's been amazing.
Karen Covy Host
22:03
There's something that you just mentioned that I want to touch on. You said private community. Yeah, so is this a Facebook group?
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
22:09
It is not on social media, it's a private app. The app itself is free. You can download it and then, when you join the membership on your app so that you don't have to go on Facebook, you don't have to be on social media, you can be private, you can control what your profile picture is and what your username is if you're worried, and it's a place that you can go when you have questions or when you want to come to one of the workshops, or when you want to come to some Q&A sessions or really whatever you need. I mean, that's what's great too is like it's just a place to go to get whatever you need whenever you need it.
Karen Covy Host
22:50
I have to tell you I love that because there's nothing wrong with Facebook. I have a Facebook group for my community as well, but it's just more open, even though you know we all do our best to keep things you know private and respectful and blah, blah, blah, all the things. I mean. If somebody digs for you on social media, they're going to find things that you might not want them to find or to share. So the fact that it's a totally separate thing, that it exists on its own app in its own community, I think is so key. But I've got a question what if somebody is in the middle of a high-conflict divorce, so they're not even thinking about healing yet, they're thinking about surviving it? Is this something for them or they have to wait till they're done?
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
23:38
A hundred percent. This is something for them. I mean, we've got mediation prep and trial prep and documentation trainings in there and how to communicate with your attorney, and how do you know if you have the right attorney or you need to get a new one. And how do you support your kids through this. What are you doing on transition days? Right, all of those things come up, and so there's something for everyone. Even if you're just starting the process and you've got a long road ahead of you, there's information in there that will help you have a lot more clarity and confidence. And again, you have that community. So every step of the way, you can lean on the other moms who either have gone through or are going through the same thing.
Karen Covy Host
24:21
Yeah, and speaking of knowledge and education, I know you and I both share this philosophy that I mean it's cliche, knowledge is power. But you really, the divorce world does not work like anything else that I've ever come across. I mean, I've been in the divorce world for decades and the system, if you don't know, it's not great. Yeah, no, it's not great, it is really not great. And like I could go off on a whole soapbox of why that is. But basically you're trying to cram what is a family and social problem into a legal box and it doesn't do it.
25:01
Well, I mean, everybody disses the legal system. It's not. I mean, the legal system wasn't designed to deal with this kind of problem, but now that it's there trying to, you know, pry it out of the jaws of the law and put it in some sort of social system, that's not working very well either. So the system doesn't work, and understanding how things really do work is, in my opinion, the key to getting through this successfully, and I know you share that and you've got some courses for people who want to do that better and for the people that might just be more about. You know what? I don't want a community or I don't want a community yet. Let me just do this. What can you offer someone like that?
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
25:48
So well. Even if you join the community the membership you get to decide if you want to participate in the community aspect or not. You might be somebody who just wants to join quietly and just take a look at all of those resources, and you can absolutely do that. No one's making you participate. Maybe you just want to watch the workshops and the replays and kind of stay behind the scenes, and that's totally okay too. But you're right, I mean divorce is scary as hell. I mean there's so many unknown factors, it's so stressful. Your life is an upheaval, right. The most important things to you are basically being placed in the hands of a total stranger and they're like deciding what your fate is going to be. I mean it's crazy, right. So there's a lot that comes up and especially when kids are involved, you know you're worried. Am I saying the right thing? Am I doing the right thing? Am I going to get in trouble? Is the judge going to think I'm the high conflict one? I mean there's just so many factors. So that's why, again, a community like we've built it really is a life-changing experience, because you can go and you can get clarity so that you're not so afraid, so that you know. Here's what I can do. Here's what I shouldn't be doing. Here's what I want to do to make things easier. Here's how I can communicate with my ex in a way that won't make me look like I'm the crazy bad guy, but I'm also still setting my boundaries and getting my point across. There's so many things, and every step of the way, we're also there to remind you that you have to prioritize yourself and self-care.
27:21
Divorce is not the time to be putting yourself on the back burner. Let me tell you something you need to be making sure that you are taking care of yourself and meeting your own needs. Basic things Are you getting quality sleep? Are you drinking enough water? Are you eating? Are you just at Burger King all the time or are you eating foods that are nourishing your body? Right, like the basic things? You know? What are you doing to regulate your nervous system when you're just in fight or flight all the time?
27:49
Those are also the things that we always drive home, and then we share tools and tips on things like that too, because it's so important, because, even though, naturally, we want to always put our kids first, as cliche as it sounds, you cannot pour from an empty cup. I mean, I know how that sounds, but it's so true. You think you're doing your best, but if you are not putting yourself at the forefront and prioritizing yourself, you're not. You're not. You have to take care of yourself so that you can be the best version of yourself and show up as the best version of yourself as their parent too. So all of those things are really important.
Karen Covy Host
28:32
Yeah, there's so much in what you just said. I'm like whoa, but it's true, because it's the old oxygen mask analogy. Right, if you go down and your kids are relying on you for stability and support, there's nothing there, so, and the other thing that people you know I love it when people are early in the divorce process and they just want to be done Like this should be I can get through this in just, you know, two, three months, no problem. And I just smile because it's a marathon, it's not a sprint. And you know, while I'd love to tell people that, oh yeah, you can be done in six weeks, 99% of people aren't going to be able to do that. It takes longer. Well, if you're burned out because you're not sleeping, you're not eating right, you're not drinking water, you're not all the things halfway through, you're going to be toast. You're going to be useless.
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
29:28
Yes, you're not going to be making smart decisions. You're not going to be setting your future self up for success. One of the most common regrets that I hear from women who are on the other side is I should have slowed down and fought harder for what I deserved, because they're just over it Right. And then when I get it right, they're so stressed, they're financially drained, like they just want to put it behind them. They just want to agree to whatever and be done Exactly. But then it's like but then you've got to deal with all of those consequences and decisions for years and years to come. So that's why getting the right support, taking care of yourself right, making sure that you've assembled your Avengers, you've got all the people you need in your corner that helps you through that marathon, so that you can really try to set your future self up for success.
Karen Covy Host
30:13
Right. I think that one of the most dangerous times in a divorce is right when you're near the end, because you're 100% right, you're tired, you're frustrated, you want it to be done, and that's when people cave and the idea what's important is to know what's important Like this matters so much to me that I'll go to the mat about it and this stuff I really I'd like to have it, but if I have to give it up, I'll give it up, and what people do is, if they haven't made those distinctions early on in the process and they don't have the clear goal and the plan and the strategy to get there, they give up on the things that aren't as important, that they don't care as much about, and they lose the things they should have fought for
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
30:58
Right, right. So it's just having the clarity, like knowing, like what are the hills to die on, like what are the things you want to make sure that you're fighting for and what are the things that maybe you can compromise on to kind of get this moving along.
Karen Covy Host
31:10
Right, a hundred percent. And sometimes and you know, everything is a balancing game, right? Okay, what do I want? What's it going to cost me to get it? Not just in money, I mean, money is important, it's a big part of it. But what does it cost you energetically? What does it cost you in time? What does it cost you in all of the emotions that you're going to have to pour into getting whatever that thing is? And so this happens. You know, I usually tell people you will have to make more important, life-changing decisions while you're going through a divorce than you will in any other similar time period of your life. So understanding how to make those decisions and what matters is key.
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
31:54
Yeah.
Karen Covy Host
31:55
Yeah, you know so, and it's what I love about your work is that it sounds like that's exactly that. We're on the same page. That's exactly what you're telling your clients is like know what matters, know what hill to die on and when to let go.
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
32:10
Yes, which is which is so important. I mean, not only will that save you a lot of money, but it'll save you a lot of stress.
Karen Covy Host
32:16
Yeah, and then you can continue to have the community to support them moving forward. Like going back to what we've talked about initially, is that this is a process and just because the judge says you're done doesn't mean you're healed and whole and ready to go out in the world again.
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
32:36
Right Right, it's definitely a process. And even co-parenting in and of itself Right, right, it's definitely a process, and even co-parenting in and of itself, I mean. That's a whole different monster. Like figuring out how to do that. What does that look like? How are you communicating? What is the custody schedule Like? How are you helping your kids through it? What are you doing when your kids are gone? How does that feel? You know, how are you spending time alone and focusing on yourself and healing? And so there's just, there's so many things that you don't think about. Right, like you think of the divorce and then, okay, well, once the ink is dry on the paper, I'm divorced, and it's like, yeah, but now you just stepped into a brand new chapter right of your life. That's all uncharted territory, and you got to figure out where to go and how to do that too, and so that's kind of what we're there for.
Karen Covy Host
33:20
Yeah, that makes. That makes all the sense in the world. And it is this is it's a process, it's not a divorce yet is a life event, but it bleeds out on either end into the rest of your life and how you do it affects the rest of your life. It affects your co-parenting and it affects your relationship with your kids. Yes, Forward as well. It's not just about them, it's about the whole family dynamic because, like it or not, their other parent will always be their other parent, Like you don't ever get to change who your parent is.
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
33:58
Yes, unfortunately. So sometimes that works out well and sometimes it's really difficult, and so that's. The other thing, too is like are you on a journey where you guys are really amicable and you can invite each other to those sporting events and holidays and birthdays and things, or are you in a situation where, if you're in the same room together, like it's not going to be good, right, and so you've got to figure out, well, how do I navigate this? What do we do for birthdays? What do we do when there's a baseball game for the kids?
34:26
Like, how do we navigate this in a way where I can still protect myself and set my boundaries and I know what to do if I get triggered, and I know what to say or to not say to my kids? And I mean there's just so many little intricacies that you don't think about until you're living it, and then you're like, oh my God, what do I do? Like here's a parent teacher conference, what am I supposed to do? Do I go? Do I not go? Do I say something to them? Like there's just so many things that come up that that's what we try to kind of guide you through.
Karen Covy Host
34:55
I love that. I love that, Leah. Thank you so much for everything that you've shared. If somebody was interested in finding out more about the work that you do or finding out about your community, what's the best place for them to go? Where should they do?
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
35:08
So you can go to my website, mindfullyready.com. That's mindfullyready.com, and you can also visit samandleah.com. Both of those will help lead you to the membership.
35:21
That's wonderful. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it and I know the audience does too.
Leah Marie Mazur Guest
Thank you so much for having me.
Karen Covy Host
You're welcome and for those of you in the audience, for those of you who are watching or listening, if you enjoyed today's podcast, if you'd want to hear more podcasts, just like this, do me a big favor. Give this episode a thumbs up like subscribe, go, check out, mindfully Ready, and I will talk to you again in the next session. Bye for now.
