Episode Description - The Money Threat That Ended My 33 Year Marriage
Roxanne had listened to her husband's money threats for years, but when he mentioned creating trusts to cut her out, something inside her snapped. She filed for divorce the next day.
Yet, after 33 years of marriage, leaving is still hard – in spite of the fact that her marriage has been over for years. Unfortunately, Roxanne’s husband refuses to accept reality, leaving her to navigate the treacherous waters of a gray divorce while trying to protect herself both financially and physically.
What makes Roxanne's situation particularly complex is that her husband is an alcoholic and is in complete denial about the divorce. With guns in the house and her 30-year-old son serving as an unintentional buffer, Roxanne must carefully balance her safety with the practical challenges of untangling decades of separate finances and preparing for a battle over assets.
Her story reveals the hidden struggles many face when leaving a long-term marriage, especially when one spouse will do anything to maintain the status quo.
Key Takeaways From This Episode with Roxanne
Roxanne’s Situation
- Married 33 years; two adult children together.
- Marriage has been “dead” for years; she filed for divorce after her husband threatened to cut her out financially.
- Husband is in denial, hasn’t hired a lawyer, and they still live together, which causes stress.
- Main worries: financial security, overwhelming affidavit paperwork, and potential for him to hide assets.
- Safety concerns: husband is an alcoholic, there are guns in the house, and moods are unpredictable.
Karen’s Coaching & Advice
Finances
- Gather 1–2 years of bank and retirement account statements now.
- Complete the financial affidavit with supporting documentation.
- Understand that divorce costs escalate when financial information is hidden or delayed.
Communication
- Give husband a heads-up about being served to avoid shock.
- Stress that cooperation saves money and protects retirement funds.
Safety
- Remove guns and ammo from the house.
- Personal safety comes before money or paperwork.
Coaching Takeaways
- Don’t wait: secure financial records early to avoid costly delays.
- Communicate calmly but clearly; cooperation saves both parties money.
- Anticipate emotional resistance—denial, anger, or threats are common in divorce.
- Safety must always be prioritized, especially if addiction or weapons are involved.
- Define your end goal (financially and personally) so you have direction after divorce.
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Transcript
The Money Threat That Ended My 33 Year Marriage
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
domestic safety, emotional volatility, asset protection
SPEAKERS
Karen Covy, Roxanne
Karen Covy Host
00:08
Welcome to Breakthrough Divorce Coaching. I'm your host, Karen Covy, and this is a very special series of the Off the Fence podcast where you get a front row seat to live coaching sessions with real people facing real challenges in divorce. With real people facing real challenges in divorce. There's no scripts, no theory, just raw, powerful conversations that lead to real breakthroughs, because one breakthrough can change everything. If you've ever wondered what divorce coaching looks like behind the scenes, this is your chance to find out. So, without any further ado, let's go witness a breakthrough.
Hello, I am so happy to be here. Roxanne, can you tell me a little bit about your situation and how can I help you?
Roxanne Guest
00:58
Okay, Well, I have been married for 33 years, have two adult children with my current husband and I just can't do this anymore. It just is one of those things where the marriage has probably been for lack of a better word dead for a while and it just has kind of ramped up because I feel that he is kind of financially threatening me. He kind of always has. You know, I want the money to go to the kids, I don't want the money to go to you. If you divorce me, I will set up a trust and you know I don't. We do have a trust that we created. I don't know if those are really penetratable if that's the right word. It probably isn't. I don't know how that works, but I just felt like that was kind of the telling you something you need to listen. So that's where I decided to start researching and getting myself educated and that's how I came across you. But I also did find an attorney and I did file so that I could basically stop him from doing anything like that.
Karen Covy Host
02:23
Okay, is it okay if I ask you a few questions? Absolutely. So you have already filed for divorce, right, correct? Does your husband know, has he been served, or does he know that the filing exists?
Roxanne Guest
02:35
He knows that the filing exists, but he so he should be served here shortly. And we, we still live together. So I'm a little anxious about that. It is one of those things where he is in just he just denies what's going to happen. Now it's not all his fault. Clearly we have two people in a marriage, but I have unfortunately talked about this a lot and didn't do anything about it. But I have been telling him consistently I don't want to try again, it's time. And so he is. He hasn't even found an attorney yet. So a lot of denial.
Karen Covy Host
03:23
Okay, that's totally fine. I'm a big dog lover, so the fact that your dog barks is perfectly acceptable. Um, but let me ask you this um, is it okay if I ask you a few questions about this?
Roxanne Guest
Oh, absolutely
Karen Covy Host
Okay. So he used to live together and he knows. He knows that he's going to be served. It sounds like he's not on board with this.
Roxanne Guest
03:50
No, and it's not that he's not on board. He considers the money that he made in the marriage his money and he doesn't want to let go of the money.
Karen Covy Host
04:00
Okay, so did you guys have a prenup?
Roxanne Guest
No
Karen Covy Host
Okay, so did you guys have a prenup. And when you talked to your attorney, so the attorney is actively representing you, you didn't just hire them to do some paperwork, right?
Roxanne Guest
04:23
Correct. Well, I went in for my 30-minute consult. That went on for an hour and I really didn't commit at that moment. But after I thought about it and then he threatened it one more time, I just went ahead and said you know, called the office and she said I'll send you an agreement and, you know, pay the retainer. So basically so that he couldn't do anything nefarious.
Karen Covy Host
04:46
What is the biggest problem that you have right now? Where you're at that, I can help you with what's keeping you up at night.
Roxanne Guest
04:56
Well, I do think that the education part again, I've been pretty immersed in, you know, gray divorce, any kind of divorce, just trying to learn about it. I just it just doesn't seem like there's much information about what's going to happen next. I mean, I have an attorney. They sent over the financial affidavit paperwork which is extensive and intimidating. It's like war and peace.
05:25
And so I just don't feel like I really understand what. You know what is the next step? I know that they're going to serve him the pay. You know he'll get a certified letter saying that I am suing him for divorce. Okay, so I don't really know the next steps. I don't really understand it and I'm a little intimidated about. They say, well, if you email your attorney, you know, at $3.50 an hour, you know you're going to have, you're going to pay all this money. And yeah, at the heart of everything, I'm a tightwad.
Karen Covy Host
06:01
I can totally understand that and, of course, going through a divorce, it's expensive, no matter how you slice or dice it, so being mindful of costs is always a good thing. Are both of you right now retired?
Roxanne Guest
Yes
Karen Covy Host
It sounds like you want to know what your next steps are from where you are now, and finances are an issue. But is there something else? Is there anything else that's more important than finances, or you're really concerned with that, right now?
06:32
I am basically concerned with the finances I have. Of course, my emotions go up and down, I feel sad about this, but I feel committed to taking care of myself at this stage of my life. So I am, I am okay. I'm sad that he doesn't really want the divorce and yet we don't work on, we don't work on our marriage. But I, I do have, you know, resources and I want to move forward. Okay. The finances yeah.
Karen Covy Host
07:10
Do you know all of the? Do you have access to all the financial information? Do you know what you have, what he has, everything, even if he thinks it's his? Do you know what everything is?
Roxanne Guest
07:23
Pretty much we have always. We're both second marriages. I've always had my own separate. We've had our separate bills, our separate accounts. We're on each other's accounts but we still have, you know, like I pay this bill, he pays that bill and I'm very, you know, kind of you know retentive about all that he did. Initially he did not disclose what money he had and I had all the passwords, but he took them. But of course and passwords do change, so I basically do know what I basically do know.
Karen Covy Host
07:58
Okay, so it sounds like the problem that you're trying to solve is you've got this mountain of paperwork that you're supposed to put together for a financial affidavit which, if anyone listening hasn't done this, it's like worse than taxes, way worse than taxes. So you've got to put that together. You're concerned about that and you're concerned about moving forward financially. Can he take the money that's in his trust and somehow isolate it so you don't get your piece? Is that the main concern?
Roxanne Guest
08:30
Well, when I first really very calmly said we were going to get divorced, he took it pretty well. But then the next day he pretty much exploded and I said did you really take out the trust? And he said no. So he says that he did not do that.
Karen Covy Host
So he doesn't have a trust right now?
Roxanne Guest
No, we do have a trust that we created, but it's the family trust. What he was implying was he has two older daughters from a previous marriage and then we have two children together. He was going to create a trust for each one of the kids so that I couldn't get that money. But he said well, you know I didn't really do it, but it was enough to say, okay, I'm done.
Karen Covy Host
09:28
How does that make you feel when you're, when you listen to him say something like that what happens to you?
Roxanne Guest
09:33
To be to the honest, is, we've kind of he said this a lot over the years so I'm a little numb to it, but this time I seemed I like I to pay attention. I don't want to. I mean, our marriage has been over for a while, so I know what the precipitating event was. He's threatening my financial future. Yeah, I mean, it's not that. I mean, I have my own pension, you know. I mean listening over all these years that it's his money, he made it, he gets to keep it, and I was like, well, okay, and then I just, you know, it's just, I don't know, I don't. Sometimes you just don't know why, right, you just don't know why, like, why. Now you know it's, it's, it's time.
Karen Covy Host
10:35
And that's you. You know. That's one thing to keep in mind. Asking yourself why is probably the worst question you could ask yourself, because all it's going to do is keep you spinning in your head because there may not be an answer. We all, human beings, do stuff. We don't understand our own motivation to say why now. It's just that something inside of you said now it's time. So instead of spending energy, you know, spinning about why you're going to be better served to focus that energy on what's next. Does that make sense?
Roxanne Guest
11:10
Yes, and that's what I'm trying to do.
Karen Covy Host
11:12
Yeah, so your next steps have to do with finances and it's going to be important. First of all, the one thing you have to understand people say a lot, they talk trash in a divorce all the time they're going to because here's what's happening is your husband is afraid he wouldn't like me saying that, but he doesn't want this divorce. He doesn't want to lose you, whether or not that's because of you or because he doesn't want to lose the status quo and the comfort and security of I like the way things are. I mean, you're a lovely person. I would you know. I'm sure he doesn't want to lose you, but it might not be about you, if that makes sense.
Roxanne Guest
11:55
Oh, absolutely. He wants the status quo because his life is very comfortable.
Karen Covy Host
12:00
Right, yeah, and he doesn't want to have to change and he doesn't want to have to give that up. So the challenge is that you, like he, can do all the things he threatened, and you don't know whether the threats are empty or whether there's some teeth behind them, and you don't want to be stuck in a position where it's too late to make that decision. Does that make sense? So what's going to be the most important thing for you to do right now is keep on top of your finances. Okay, if there are, there's joint accounts, or you are is are there just separate accounts that you both can see, or is there a joint account as well?
Roxanne Guest
12:41
No, we've always been separate. Again, we're on each other's accounts, but we've always minded our own business. I mean, no, I don't ask him for money, he doesn't ask me for money, so I pay my bills, he pays his bills. Okay, kind of thing.
Karen Covy Host
12:57
So what you're going to want to know out of curiosity's sake is whether you still have access to data, right? Because it's that lack of access to financial information that causes the costs of your divorce to start to spiral, because now you can't just go log into somewhere and see what's in the account. Your lawyer has to ask him to produce information, so your lawyer asks, his lawyer asks him, and then it goes in this giant game of telephone, and that's what becomes so expensive in a divorce.
13:32
So what it would be wise for you to communicate to him is that he can do this the easy way or he can do it the hard way, and if he chooses to try to hide things from you, if he chooses to do financial shenanigans and try to separate money and hide money from you and not make it part of the divorce, it's going to take longer and it's going to cost more, and in the end both of you are going to lose, including him. So it's really in his best interest if he doesn't want to lose half of what and I'm using air quotes here he earned, because everything you both earned from the date of the marriage till the date of the divorce is all marital, but I know that's not how he feels. But if he doesn't want to lose a substantial chunk of that to attorney's fees, then it makes more sense for him to be honest about what he has and come clean with the information. Does that make sense?
Yes.
Karen Covy Host
So at some point you're going to need to have a conversation with him. Why, I'm curious, why did your attorney choose to have him served instead of just sending the letter.
Roxanne Guest
Well, I mean, see again, that is part of my own ignorance, doesn’t a certified letter just comes to the house? Now, the paralegal did email me and she said I will let you know, I guess, when it's filed, so that I would know that the letter is going to be coming right to the house.
Karen Covy Host
15:02
Yeah.
Roxanne Guest
15:02
So he did ask me to let him know when that's happening. But again, from listening to all these podcasts, I don't know how long that's going to take. So I don't know if I should re-approach him and say, hey, the letter is coming. I'm not sure when.
Karen Covy Host
15:20
Okay. So here's the thing. Nobody likes to be surprised I mean, at least not when it's something they don't want to have happen, right? Like a birthday present, good surprise, a divorce, not a good surprise, right? So it would be in your best interest. Since it's already in the works, giving him a heads up can't be a bad thing. It's better than him getting shocked by it, right? The challenge that I have, and part of the reason why I do what I do and it makes me so crazy is that there are different ways to start a divorce. Your lawyer didn't necessarily have to serve him right out of the box, but that's water under the bridge right now. So it's coming. So give him a heads up and let him know. And let him know that you'd like to do this as amicably as you could, right? And it's his choice whether he chooses to follow suit or not. Does that make sense?
Roxanne Guest
16:13
Yeah, I had the amicable divorce book, which I've read, and he looked at it and he said there is no such thing as an amicable divorce. But also that was at the beginning of all of this. So I think he has settled down. So, yeah, you're right, I need to just sit down and say look, I don't know exactly when this is going to show up, but it will be in the form of a certified letter that you have to sign for, right?
Karen Covy Host
16:42
And what that could do. Here's the thing he can choose to not sign, which means he doesn't get it, which means now, at that stage, somebody's going to, you're going to have to send the sheriff out or a process server to have him served. But the conversation that would be the most helpful for the two of you and you may have to go in bits he may not be able to hear it all at once, right and to say to him look, this is happening. If you don't, and see if he doesn't sign for it, then you can say look, do you understand that we have a pot of money? Everything from the minute we got married until now is all in one pot, and that's going to be diminished by what you pay for attorney's fees, what I pay for attorney's fees, what you know, how long this takes, how much it costs all comes from our money. The challenge that you have in facing a gray divorce is that there's no more earned income coming in right. So the more your divorce costs you, the worse your retirement is going to be. Is that really what you want? And when he understands that, he's still not going to be excited about this is happening. But once he understands and that all of this is costing the two of you money, then he may be more inclined to see things you know to be amicable, to do things without a big fight. Does that make sense? See things you know to be amicable, to do things without a big fight Does that make sense?
18:16
So the other thing is the whole trust thing. Can he take money from wherever he's got his money and zip it into a trust and lock it up? That's something to ask your attorney about because it's a legal thing. However, in general, like you're going to put money in a trust and just because he ties it up, let's say he's successful. Let's say he locks up money in a trust which isn't always as easy as he thinks it is right. But let's say he takes I'm going to make up a number $100,000 and he locks it up and he said this is for the kids and you can't have it, you can't touch it. Okay, great, well, you look at your Merrill pie and that $100,000 just goes on his side of the balance sheet.
19:06
So, unless he's locking up everything which he can't do because you've got a piece of it and, by the way, do you own your own home? Yes, okay. So there's money in the house, like it would be. He's talking out of anger and emotion. And so you know, could you have a conversation with him that said, look, do it the easy way or we can do it the hard way. If we work together, we have a chance of keeping a decent retirement for both of us and having money left over when we die for the kids. But if we fight and, you know, just waste it all on lawyers, everybody's going to struggle moving forward. Do you think he'd listen to that?
Roxanne Guest
19:56
I mean, I have calmly interjected that over the past. You know, I haven't approached it the last couple of weeks, but when he well, actually last week, he said, do you want to give this one more try? And I said no, I, I, I do not. So I've been very calm, very clear. So, if you know he can chew on it, for I guess he's been chewing on it, but he, he's in strong denial Um and so and he's, I mean I don't know if this is relevant, but he's, he's also an alcoholic. So you know, you just go.
Karen Covy Host
20:36
That's very relevant. So because he's an alcoholic or he's got addiction issues, his emotions are going to be all over the board and that's what you've got to be careful of, right? So you want to make sure. You want to make sure that he doesn't take money and do something stupid with it or squirrel it away in a trust. Here's the deal. If you can trace the money, if you can see that there was $100,000 in a bank account yesterday and today it's gone. Now in the divorce process you can start to say look, that was there. That's marital. Either put it back or it just goes on your side of the balance sheet because I'm not losing that money. That was our money, right? So that's going to be the hardest thing for him to chew on and to understand. But for you, knowledge is power. You need the financial information. If you still have access to his bank accounts and whatever retirement accounts or whatever you have access to, you would be wise to download at least a year, maybe two or three years worth of statements, but I would say at least a year. You should be good so that you have the information. Because what's going to jack up the cost of your divorce is if he all of a sudden says no, I'm not doing that, and he changes the password and doesn't produce it. And now you're chasing him. You don't want to chase. If you've got access to the information, it's not like you're hiding it from him and he should have access to your stuff too as well, right, so that just makes it easier for both of you. But in terms of the alcoholism that plays a role, right, and he's going to go through giant mood swings and you've just got to be able to hit him in a good moment and when he's reasonable, like you don't want to have conversations with him, obviously, in the evening after he's been drinking. You know, you've got to catch him in his good times and you probably know what those are right now. Right, so it's about securing as much of your own financial information as you can. So your next step because you asked me about next steps your next steps are to put that financial affidavit together as comprehensively as you can for both you and him and notice where do you have a hole, like, is there a piece of information that you're missing? And then you're going to make a list of all the data that you don't have and see if you can backfill that. Does that make sense? And then, what you do have, you're going to take all of that. You're going to fill it out and give it to your attorney so that your attorney can then send it if he ever gets an attorney or what have you, so that, because you can't, you can't start to divide money until you know it's there. So that's the purpose of the financial affidavit is to have the big picture of what do you got, what's coming in, what's going out, what do you own and what do you owe. Right, so that's what you want to.
23:50
Your next step is really all centered around data gathering. Does that make sense? And make sure now, if you see, if he starts doing dumb things like maybe he's got a bad moment, maybe he's whatever, having that years’ worth of information is going to give you the historical data that you need. When you say, oh, all of a sudden, our, our expenses went up by five thousand dollars a month. He's spending five thousand dollars a month more on groceries. Well, what is that? What is that really? Because it ain't groceries, you know. So you want to make sure that, like, having that data is going to help you. You also want to be careful, continuing to live with him, because the next step after he gets out of denial he's going to anger. That's the next step, and you have to be safe. So are you at least sleeping in separate bedrooms?
Roxanne Guest
24:49
Oh, yeah, yeah, for years, and I know how to shoot.
Karen Covy Host
24:56
Okay, then
Roxanne Guest
24:59
I mean I carry. I mean, I don't know if you can put that on the podcast, it's just it's. You know, we all you know, like my son still lives with us. He's 30, just got married but they're trying to buy a house. So no, I am very cognizant of that and, you know, take my purse to bed and stuff like that. He had an initial blow up and he seems like he's kind of, you know, calmed down a little bit. But yeah, I think once those papers come through that you know that may be a different story, but I will definitely sit down and talk to him so he doesn't feel so like you know, broadsided, blindsided by it.
Karen Covy Host
25:42
Yeah, yeah. So your next step forward. I mean, let me stop here for a second. Does he carry two
Roxanne Guest
25:50
Mm-hmm.
Karen Covy Host
25:51
Okay, because here's the deal two people in a duel shooting at each other. You're both done. This is a bad idea, and mixing alcohol and guns doesn't go well.
Roxanne Guest
26:01
Yeah, he. I think the reason my son doesn't see her all the time. Of course he has a wife. She only lives like six minutes away. I think that's a big reason why my son pretty much he never says when he's going to stay with his wife and when he's going to stay here, and so my husband definitely respects him, if you will, and my son is definitely. I mean, he's like an NRA instructor, so you would not want to mess with him and God love him. Our son just really thinks that you know we shouldn't get divorced. We should go talk to a counselor and I've agreed to go, but it would be for closure for him. Yeah, yeah, and he knows that. So I think there is a little bit of a safety mechanism there and I am hyper aware of moods.
Karen Covy Host
26:58
Yeah, yeah, let's be clear your safety, your personal safety, is always number one, and accidents happen. He may not intend to shoot, but if he's drunk, you never know. It would be wise to get all of the guns and the ammo out of the house.
Roxanne Guest
27:14
Yeah, I have talked to my son about that. Actually, I did go into his room and I couldn't find the gun. So yeah, so I will definitely drill down on that.
Karen Covy Host
27:25
Yeah, I mean, that's just like that's. The money is one thing, but if you're dead you don't care about money, so you need to. Your personal safety is paramount. I would paramount. I would do things like put a lock on the bedroom door just to be safe. I would make sure those guns are out of the house. And if you feel threatened, you call 911 and the police will come and all they have to hear is divorce, guns, alcohol and they will take him out of the house at least for a cooling down period. But then if he comes back in, that makes it worse. So you just have to be very strategic about how you do this. The smartest thing get all the guns out of the house, then nobody's shooting anybody.
28:11
I'm glad your son knows what's going on and in the meantime you're going to want to put together all this paperwork as much as you can, because with him, with being the human you have described, he is going to drag his feet. He is not going to be like okay, let's get this over, let's just move on, clean break. That is not going to be him. It's going to be an excuse, an excuse, an excuse. So the more you can do if you have all the financial information and you're confident that you do and you give it to the lawyers now, you're not waiting on him. You have taken the power and control into your hands so that you can keep this process moving forward, which is ultimately going to be best for both of you, because you don't want to be living in the same house and having this drag on forever. Does that make sense?
Roxanne Guest
29:03
Yeah, and I almost filled out, completely filled out, the affidavits. I just got intimidated by the second column which talks about anticipated costs, like, yeah, what does that mean? So that's why I was just on a previous call with the CDFA. So I want, I'm trying, to get the financial picture clarified and, yeah, so I know that I'll be doing the heavy lifting if you will, which is unfortunately the nature of the marriage, and I just don't want it. But I'll stay on top of it, because another question that I had and this probably is not in sequence the attorney did, like off the cuff, mention if you do a dissolution and you dissolve the marriage, you can only use one attorney. What is the difference between a divorce and a dissolution?
Karen Covy Host
30:04
Usually nothing. There may be some, in your state there may be - you might have misinterpreted the words, but usually in states there is some sort of mechanism, unified joint dissolution or a they call it different things, but the idea is, maybe if you are both of you are going in and you are going to do this jointly together by agreement then maybe that’s what he's referring to. I'm not 100% sure. But number one, you want to make sure you understand it so you know what your choices are, because if you don't know you have a choice you can't make one.
Roxanne Guest
30:42
Right, but if I could appeal to his you know he likes his money like you said. You know the more we spend fighting about this but if we did a dissolution, would that be? If he would agree to it? Would that? Is that? What's the difference between that and the divorce?
Karen Covy Host
31:03
There shouldn't be. In Illinois, which is where I practice law, there is no difference. They are exactly the same thing. A dissolution of marriage, divorce it's the same thing. Where you're at it might have a different meaning. That's what I was saying. It may be that what your attorney is referring to is an agreed-upon process where you only use one lawyer and things are streamlined. You might be able to do that because your children are grown and gone. You don't have young children. That's usually a requirement.
31:34
But whether or not you can do that if you own property together, like a house, I'm not positive. That's a question for your lawyer. But the projected or anticipated costs on that financial affidavit you're not going to have all your answers right now. All you can do is anticipate the best that you can. You don't know where you're going to be living or where he's going to be living. You just know it's not going to be in the same house together. Yeah, you know. So all you can do is your best to estimate oh, this would be my rental or mortgage or whatever you're thinking of and start making those projected costs. But it's good to have a CDFA. Look at your numbers. That's going to be helpful Whether you need other professionals, whether he needs a professional, whether he needs his own attorney, depends on him.
32:28
He could take all the paperwork that your attorney does to an attorney for himself. Just have the attorney review it and say, yeah, this looks good or no, this is a problem, or change that or fix this. Or he could have a lawyer for full-on representation and then you're off to the races, right, it just depends on what he's going to do. But if you try to get too far ahead of yourself, you're going to be overwhelmed. I know you've done a lot already, so right now it's focusing on your next steps. Number one have a conversation with him. Let him know what's coming. Number two have a conversation with your son about the guns and getting them out of the house, you know.
33:11
And number three getting all that financial information put together and it's not just the financial affidavit but having the documentation to back it up. For example, a year's worth of bank statements, all organized in chronological order behind the financial affidavit, all the you, all the retirement account statements. So, whatever it is that you have, you've got the backup documents so that the financial CDFA or the lawyer or whoever is looking at it could cross-reference and say, oh, it says she has X in this bank account. Oh, here's the statement that says she has X. Not, because what happens is, when people don't have the data, they put numbers in based on what they remember or what they think, and then you get the affidavit. You're like this has no bearing on reality at all, right, and you want that affidavit to be as accurate as possible. Number one, because you can't make good decisions financial decisions if the financial data that you're basing it on is wrong. And number two, you got to sign that sucker that says it's true to the best of your knowledge. You know.
Roxanne Guest
34:23
Right yeah.
Karen Covy Host
34:24
So you don't have to get crazy about making it accurate to the last penny but you want it to be right for sure.
Roxanne Guest
34:38
Okay, okay. So you know that's what I keep doing. I keep jumping ahead because I thought that I understood the paralegal to say that those financial affidavits need to be similar, that those financial affidavits need to be similar, like when he fills his out, he'll be required to fill it out and we need to be close to mine.
Karen Covy Host
34:57
In a perfect world they would be similar because they both got the same data. You would be amazed at how many times you get the two affidavits and you go. Were these people living in the same place? They're nowhere near. You know. You can't control whatever he's going to put on his financial affidavit. That is not your job. All you can control is your side of the street. Do your financial affidavit to the best of your ability, make sure you get his financial information. So you've got that backup data to show and that's as much as you can do.
Roxanne Guest
35:38
Okay, because he'll be taking his financial affidavit to his attorney if and when he gets one Okay.
Karen Covy Host
35:46
Right. And here's the other thing you need to decide, like if you've got all the data, do you need for him to fill it out? I mean, the lawyer is going to say, yes, right, theoretically he's got to fill out the information. But if he keeps delaying and putting it off, and putting it off, at some point do you say you know what, I know what we have, it's good enough, I don't care what he does, let's just get it done. Does that make sense?
Roxanne Guest
Mm-hmm
Karen Covy Host
36:19
So the last thing and I'll leave you with this is to start now and get yourself ahead of the game. Think about where do I want to be when this is over? What financial situation do I want to be in? What's my end goal? Because if you can start as Stephen Covey who is unfortunately no relationship to me, as he would say, if you start with the end in mind now, you've got a direction to go.
36:48
But if you're just trying to get through the divorce and you're going all over the place, you end up wherever you end up, which might not be where you really want to go. So think about now where do you want to be when this is over? And for you, that question is going to be mostly financially and also you know we didn't touch on this but the emotionally and the relationship wise, because he's still the father of children. So you've got to deal with that. But financially where do you want to be and you know what can you do to get yourself there. Step number one is getting this financial affidavit done as accurately as you can, with as much backup documentation as you've got Make sense.
37:31
Thank you yeah.
Karen Covy Host
37:35
Yeah, big, deep breaths, deep breaths. And then, once you've got a handle on this, it'll be time for your next step and maybe we'll talk again. Good.
Roxanne Guest
37:45
All right, awesome. Thank you so much, much, much appreciated.
Karen Covy Host
37:53
You're welcome If you enjoyed today's episode. If you'd like to see more live divorce coaching, do me a big favor. Give this episode a thumbs up and drop the word more in the comments below. And if you'd like to be a guest on the show and apply to get your own free, live divorce coaching, just go to karencovey.com/freecoaching to apply. That's karencovey.com/freecoaching all one word, and apply now.
