Two of the most important things you can do if you want an amicable divorce are to manage your emotions and your expectations.

Most people going through a divorce try to manage their SPOUSE'S emotions instead of their own. That never works. The only person you can control is YOU! Managing your own emotions will keep your divorce from raging out of control.

Managing your expectations is equally as important. Divorce also doesn't work the way most people think that it does. Unfortunately, when you expect one thing to happen, and something different happens instead, you get angry and upset. The same happens when your expectations are unrealistic. That's why educating yourself about divorce and understanding how it really works is the key to managing your expectations about divorce.

A “divorce process” is the process you use to get divorced. The main, well-established divorce processes available today are mediation, litigation, arbitration, direct negotiation, and Collaborative Divorce. There are many different variations of each of these various processes. There are also new divorce processes springing up all the time.

Before starting your divorce, you would be wise to research all the different divorce processes so that you can choose the divorce process that will be right for you and your situation. The exact divorce processes that will be available to you depend on where you live. Not every process is available in every area.

Direct negotiation with your spouse (also called a “kitchen table divorce” is the easiest, cheapest, and fastest way to resolve your divorce issues. In direct negotiation, you and your spouse sit down, talk about your issues, and work them out.

Once you have negotiated a settlement, you can use a lawyer or online service to draw up your divorce documents and get you through the court system.

(NOTE: Not everyone is able to negotiate directly with their spouse. If your spouse won’t talk to you, or if every conversation you have turns into a screaming match, negotiating your divorce on your own won’t work. What's more, if you're experiencing any type of domestic violence in your marriage, then trying to negotiate a divorce settlement directly with your spouse is NOT a good idea!)

Divorce Mediation is a process where a neutral mediator meets with you, your spouse, and sometimes your attorneys, and helps you reach an amicable divorce settlement outside of the court system.

Divorce mediation is sometimes ordered by the court, but is most often a voluntary process. A divorce mediator is not a judge. S/he cannot force you to settle your divorce.

In some states, a divorce mediator can write up your agreement into a formal settlement document that may be presented in court. In other states, you need a lawyer to draw up a formal settlement agreement for you.

There are many different kinds of divorce mediation, including traditional mediation, lawyer-assisted mediation, and full-day mediation. The kind of mediation you use depends on your situation and the mediator you choose.

Collaborative Divorce is a very specific divorce process. It means more than simply “collaborating” with your spouse, or trying to divorce amicably.

In Collaborative Divorce, you work with specially-trained divorce professionals, including divorce lawyers, divorce coaches, and divorce financial professionals who help you resolve your divorce issues outside of court.

The hallmark of Collaborative Divorce is the “Participation Agreement.” This is an agreement that everyone signs at the beginning of your Collaborative Divorce stating that you will not use the court system to resolve your divorce issues. If you or your spouse later decides to go to court, all of the Collaborative Divorce Professionals must withdraw from your case and you have to start over with a brand new divorce team.

Divorce arbitration is similar to divorce litigation, only it’s private.

In divorce arbitration, you and your spouse select an independent arbitrator who acts like a private judge. The arbitrator then decides the issues in your case outside of court in the same way that a judge would decide them if you tried your case in court.

You can use an arbitrator to decide ALL the issues in your divorce. Or you can just use an arbitrator to decide a few key issues.

Divorce arbitration is more private, and often faster, than going to court. However, it can be just as expensive, especially since you and your spouse will have to pay the divorce arbitrator yourselves.

If you agreed to binding arbitration, then the arbitrator's decision will be final. Unlike a judge’s decision, however, it may or may not be appealable.

Divorce litigation uses the court system to resolve your divorce issues. It’s the traditional, default way to get divorced.

Divorce litigation is expensive, public, and time consuming. However, if you and your spouse can't agree on how to resolve your divorce issues yourselves, the judge will make your decisions for you.

The downside of litigating your divorce all the way through trial is that when you do that you give up complete control over your divorce. Whether you like what the judge did or not, you're stuck with his/her decision, unless you appeal.

The vast majority of divorce cases ultimately settle outside of court, even those that use litigation.

While online divorce platforms may lead you to believe otherwise, there is technically no such thing as an online divorce. That's because the only person who can grant you a divorce is a judge.

What is typically referred to as an “online divorce” is really just online divorce document production. That may or may not be coupled with access to virtual mediation or legal services. It also may include instruction about how you can get through the court system on your own, without a lawyer (DIY Divorce).

In some areas, you may be able to present your divorce documents to a judge via Zoom, mail, or email for his/her approval. Or, you may have to actually appear before a judge yourself in a physical courtroom to get divorced.

One way or the other, a judge has to sign your divorce papers in order for your divorce to be final and legally binding.