Bethany Dotson – How to Heal From Trauma and Create Positive Relationships

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Episode Description

Imagine discovering how you could heal the trauma from your past and create a healthier, happier relationship with yourself and others. That's what we explore in this podcast episode with trauma-informed yoga therapist and relationship coach, Bethany Dotson.

Bethany brings over a decade of experience helping midlife career women recover from anxiety, PTSD, and more. She helps her clients rebuild their self-worth after they've been in toxic relationships or gone through a high-conflict divorce.

Drawing from her own experiences in toxic relationships as well as her extensive training, Bethany offers insight into how individuals can rewire their brains, release the physical symptoms that come from their trauma, and finally create the healthy relationships they crave.

Bethany reveals how she guides her clients to find and emotionally connect with their ideal partner, encouraging them to take risks and open themselves to love again.

If you're trying to overcome your past traumas, this is definitely the episode for you.

Show Notes

About Bethany 
Bethany is trauma-informed yoga therapist and relationship coach with over a decade of experience helping mid-life career-women heal anxiety or PTSD,  find their power and skyrocket their confidence after divorce or toxic relationships, communicate better, navigate conflict and most importantly, co-create healthy relationships. 

She is a domestic violence survivor and thriver who helps women triumph over trauma, break their cycle of emotionally unavailable partners and attract the love they deeply desire.   

Connect with Bethany 

You can find Bethany on social media on Facebook at Bethany Dotson and on Instagram at Bethany Dotson.  You can learn more about her work on her website at Bethany Dotson and listen to her podcast Break the Cycle

 Special Offer

 Bethany would like to invite you to her free training Break the Cycle.  For any who feels 100% aligned with the class, Bethany will invite you to book a free consult call to discuss the possibility of working together.

Key Takeaways From This Episode with Bethany

  • Bethany Dotson is a trauma-informed yoga therapist and relationship coach who helps women heal from toxic relationships and divorce. 
  •  She began by treating anxiety and insomnia in her yoga therapy practice but kept uncovering relationship issues underneath the physical symptoms.
  •  Yoga therapy uses breath, meditation, and movement to rewire thinking patterns and emotional responses. It helps calm the nervous system.
  • Most of Bethany's clients have limiting beliefs like "there's something wrong with me" stemming from childhood. This leads to people-pleasing and poor boundaries. 
  • She has them do daily somatic practices to become more self-aware and shift ingrained patterns. Then they challenge limiting beliefs and take weekly action steps outside their comfort zone. 
  • Common "stories" people tell themselves during challenges are "I'm a failure" or "this won't work for me." Bethany helps them see other examples of overcoming adversity.
  • Heart math helps people emotionally connect to higher feeling states like joy and gratitude. This changes the emotional set point and facilitates rewiring the brain.
  • Consistent inner work plus outer action creates self-trust. People transform and become capable of healthy relationships after toxic ones.
  • Bethany offers a free 45-minute training explaining her 5-step process. It helps people shift limiting perceptions and see new possibilities.
  • She can coach people open to change even if they doubt it's possible yet. Total fear-based resistance needs trauma therapy first.
  • With willingness to step outside comfort zones, trauma survivors can break cycles and thrive in relationships. Healing requires internal emotional work.
  • Bethany would like to invite you to her free training Break the Cycle.
  • Do you like what you've heard? 

    Share the love so more people can benefit from this episode too!


    Bethany Dotson on How to Heal from Trauma and Create Positive Relationships

    Bethany Dotson


    trauma, healing, heart math


    Karen Covy,  Bethany Dotson

    Karen Covy Host00:10

    Hello and welcome to Off the Fence, a podcast where we deconstruct difficult decision making so we can discover what keeps us stuck and, more importantly, how we can get unstuck and start making even tough decisions with confidence. I'm your host, Karen Covey, a former divorce lawyer, mediator and arbitrator, turned coach, author and entrepreneur. And now, without further ado, let's get on with the show. With me today is Bethany Dotson. Bethany is a trauma-informed yoga therapist and relationship coach with over a decade of experience helping midlife career women heal anxiety, ptsd and find their power and skyrocket their confidence after a divorce or a toxic relationship. She also helps them communicate better, navigate conflict and, most importantly, co-create healthy relationships. Bethany is a domestic violence survivor and thriver who helps women triumph over trauma, break their cycle of emotionally unavailable partners and attract the love they so deeply desire. Bethany, welcome to the show.

    Bethany Dotson Guest01:24

    Thank you so much for having me. I'm so excited to be here.

    Karen Covy Host01:27

    I am excited to have you, and I want to dive in with the question that's just sort of been burning in my soul which is what drew you to this kind of work? How did you get involved in it?

    Bethany Dotson Guest01:37

    Oh yeah, well, I think you know I didn't consciously choose it. At first I had a private practice as a yoga therapist, combined with a lifetime of choosing unhealthy partners myself, and I found in my yoga therapy practice, you know, I attracted clients who in the onset, were wanting to heal their anxiety or their insomnia or wanting to perform better at work. They had a lot of work burnout symptoms and within one to three sessions, people would inevitably divulge that. You know I just got a divorce. I think my partner is an abuser. I think I need to leave this person.


    So there was always a relationship thread, always, and I was fascinated with that. And so, after a few years of, like the universe bringing me these people, well, let's just focus on this. And you know I used to hide or feel a lot of shame about my past relationship choices and I feel like everything worked out in the end because I'm able to use all of the bad things that I chose and went through and all that's, you know, to help other people avoid repeating that cycle. So, yeah, that's how I, that's how I got here.

    Karen Covy Host03:17

    That's really interesting that there's that there was the relationship thread through all of the other physical symptoms, so to speak. Absolutely Can you. I've heard of a lot of kinds of therapy. I have to admit I haven't really heard of yoga therapy.

    Bethany Dotson Guest03:39

    What is it? Yeah, so it's. It's a very small and not widely known. So yoga therapy is basically the practice there's another word of becoming emotionally regulated, noticing what's happening in your body, being aware of your body's responses to things we say. I felt a gut feeling about him, or I just knew, I heard, I felt it in my heart, I had to pick up the phone. So these things are, in my opinion, a higher intelligence, maybe connected to source or something else, but yoga therapy specifically uses the movements of yoga. A lot of people associate yoga with I have to be flexible, I have to have a certain body. It's going to make me flexible, it's going to relax me, like those are the three common things that I hear, and it's so much more than that. So much more than that.


    So yoga therapy uses the movements, breath, meditations designed to rewire how you think and how you feel. It uses body-based somatic experiencing work to somatic experiencing means. I mean, you know, I, I thought about this memory, it came to my mind oh, what's happening here? And explore what that means in your body and how that feels in your body. So that's basically what it is. It's hard to describe. It's an experience, it's an experiential practice. So putting it into words can kind of sound difficult, but the goal of yoga therapy, specifically trauma yoga therapy, is to rewire someone's brain out of that trauma imprint. When somebody's brain is imprinted from a trauma or a series of traumas they've had, as in complex trauma in the walls of a relationship, their body has a reaction to it. So they feel anxious, they can't sleep, they overanalyze things, they don't trust themselves and this causes them to really limit how they live their lives. They tend to live a very closed, small life and fear taking risks. So yoga therapy, specifically trauma yoga therapy, is about rewiring that process.

    Karen Covy Host06:16

    So it sounds like the work that you do is primarily the trauma yoga therapy. Yes, yes, awesome. And now this may be a weird question. Please forgive me, but you said that you would start it out by helping people who had, like, they couldn't sleep or they had stomach issues or that, whatever it was, they had a physical symptom that they came to you as a yoga therapist to deal with. And when you dug, you inevitably found the relationship issue. Then you started focusing on people who have the relationship issues from trauma, it sounds like. Did they also then have the physical symptoms?

    Bethany Dotson Guest06:56

    Yes, almost, I would say. 80% of the clients that I work with have physical symptoms, physical manifestations of the trauma anxiety, ibs, ibd, binge eating, sleep issues, their hair is falling out, reproductive issues. So all of this is from. We have a fight or flight system to help us stay safe and keep us alive, but most people are living in their fight or flight response and they don't know it. It just feels normal for them. Then you know.

    Karen Covy Host07:37

    Yeah, so is it? If I'm understanding you correctly, you just kind of get used to the way that you feel and then that becomes your new normal.

    Bethany Dotson Guest07:46

    You get used I don't know if you ever truly get used to the way that you feel. A lot of people that I work with they tend to settle and have been resigned to that and then they turn to coping mechanisms to help them feel something. So when people have unresolved trauma, they feel numb on some level or not enough on the inside and they turn to sensation seeking activities like being a workaholic, taking risks that shopping, spending too much money, or they turn to numbing out Workaholic. Workaholic is a numbing activity as well. They're not being too much wine at night, being on their phone, just kind of like numbing themselves. Staying chronically busy is a big symptom that I see a lot just to avoid feeling anything.

    Karen Covy Host08:44

    So, and the people that you're working with, are these people who have been involved in a toxic relationship, are still involved in a toxic relationship? Tell me about that.

    Bethany Dotson Guest08:56

    They've been involved in a toxic relationship and they've already made the decision to leave, even if that was extremely painful, they got to the point in the relationship where they realize I have to make a different choice. I have to leave. So those are the people that I work with. Unfortunately, the healing doesn't just magically happen when you decide to leave, but that has to happen in order to go from leaving that partner to becoming a woman who is worthy of receiving.

    Karen Covy Host09:38

    Yeah, and I know that's hard for a lot of people, especially women, to feel worthy. How do you help women to get to that point? Because it's one thing to say it, oh yeah, I'm worthy, but if you don't own it, if you're not, that it's not the same. So how do you get women to start to really feel and believe that they are worthy?

    Bethany Dotson Guest10:09

    Yeah, so first addressing the inner and then addressing the outer. So when I say addressing the inner, I give all of my clients a daily somatic therapy practice that is designed to kind of break their addiction to coping skills like busyness, being a people pleaser, anxiety, beating themselves up the inner critic. So that's designed to turn their focus inward and just be really aware of their thoughts and how they're feeling. That practice alone starts to shift a lot of stuck thinking patterns and ways that they react emotionally in their lives. Then we start to dive into their subconscious beliefs. So if somebody is, you know, living in fight or flight and they're constantly busy, it's really hard to shift their thinking because they're too stressed or they're too contracted, they're too keyed up. So we relax them a little bit with a somatic work and get them used to feeling okay, doing nothing, and used to feeling relaxed and get their nervous system calm down and get that pattern pretty set. And then we address their subconscious beliefs that they have. And a lot of people on some level know that they're the problem, they know that they're the common denominator, but they don't know why. They don't know the specific like why do I keep doing this? And so we dig a little deeper to understand their limiting beliefs about themselves, about what they believe are capable of having, and we start to shift those. And then we bring that to the outer by having them take actions out of their comfort zone every week.


    When somebody has trauma, they tend to want to control their life. After they don't want to take they, they, they garden. I'm not going to date. I'm never going to date. I hate dating apps. I'm too old. I'm going to stick with this one job, even though I hate it, because I know I can't get any. So all of that stems from their inner world. So once we start to shift this inner world, I then we have to anchor that with behavior outside, so it can't be like a theory that we learn on the therapy couch, but we don't ever take it with us.


    So I give them actions to take outside of their comfort zone to widen their window of tolerance to new experiences. And they might meet the feelings of rejection or abandonment or the feeling of something's wrong with me and those experiences. But the gift of doing, stepping out of your comfort zone, taking yourself on dates, I have them do all kinds of things that like they would. They look at the assignment and they're like, oh my God, I can't do that.

    Karen Covy Host13:07

    And then they do it and they're like oh my gosh.

    Bethany Dotson Guest13:10

    The beauty of that is that they're able to bring the inner work with them to the outer and they get a results and they're like oh. And then they feel like, oh, I kept telling myself I would never be able to do this. And look, I did it. And then that creates that positive reinforcement, that emotional reaction they have to doing. It creates the momentum and they keep going.

    Karen Covy Host13:35

    That's awesome and I really hope that people hear what you're saying, because our tendency my tendency as well as every other human on the planet is like okay, I see the exterior manifestation, like I see that things aren't going in my life the way I want to. Okay, I'm gonna work harder or I'm gonna try to fix that thing. It's like we all focus on the outside to fix whatever the problem is, because that's where we see it right and we don't turn and look inside. And what you're saying about limiting beliefs is fascinating. Do you find that there are certain common limiting beliefs that someone who's experienced trauma in a relationship has?

    Bethany Dotson Guest14:18

    Yeah, the overall, the number one belief I hear is there's something wrong with me. There's something wrong with me. I've made it this far. I've never had a healthy relationship. Usually, the belief that there's something wrong with me started long ago In childhood, from some type of an adverse childhood experience. A lot of the people that I work with are overachievers. They borderline on work burnout they give. A lot of the people that I work with are in healthcare. They have very poor boundaries and that all stems from the belief the fundamental, fundamental belief that there's something wrong with me and in order for people to like me and for me to feel worthy and for me to be approved of, I have to work really hard. People aren't walking around saying that, but that's what they're feeling way back in here, and then it becomes this vicious cycle. So about the time they're 40 or 50, the infamous midlife crisis. We can't do it that way anymore.

    Karen Covy Host15:29

    Yeah, and it sounds like if I'm understanding what you're saying properly, from the outside, like if you or I were to meet someone like that. They would just look like super successful, super high achieving, high functioning people. You'd never known a million years what their inner dialogue was like.

    Bethany Dotson Guest15:51

    Yes, and I feel that that makes it in some ways even worse, because I feel like people who appear to be successful and who are successful on paper but who don't feel that way inside carry a lot of shame, and sometimes that shame stops them from getting help or stops them from truly taking the courageous stuff to change.

    Karen Covy Host16:22

    Yeah, because change is never easy. It's scary and it sounds like the things you're asking them to do are scary Like. I don't know if I would like you if you were my coach. I know I get it.

    Bethany Dotson Guest16:37

    Sometimes my clients don't like me. They get on a coaching call and they're like you know, they're in a certain week and they're like you want me to do what? So yeah, yeah.

    Karen Covy Host16:52

    But you know and I see that with my clients as well it's like when you can do the thing that you don't think you can do and it doesn't we're not talking about world changing things. It's small baby steps at a time, and once you make that first step you're like, oh, hmm, I guess that worked, I guess I could. And then and it builds, it starts to build a confidence. I mean the women that I see and the men you know both because I work with both. But the humans that I see post-divorce are fundamentally different than the ones that were thinking about divorce, that were pre-divorce, and the changes that they've made are often like unbelievably good. Right, but they were scary, oh yeah. So how do you convince a client? Yes, you can.

    Bethany Dotson Guest17:47

    Mm. So this starts with. So there's two answers to this. I can never convince anybody to change and I can never convince anybody yes, you can. The people who I work with, who are successful, have already arrived at the decision, before they ever get on the phone with me, that something has to change. And that voice may be small and it may be buried under mountains of fear and the critic in her mind going oh, what are you doing? You're never gonna be able to make an agent, right, right, but they are willing to listen to that voice that says I have to change. So the people I never convince anybody that they can. They come to the phone to their initial breakthrough session with an inkling. Some people come and they're like I have to make changes. Most people like it's a small voice, it's like the intuition that told her to leave her husband at year one and she stayed 25 more years, right, so it's that small that she's listening to that small voice In the work.


    I'm not a fan of the word convincing because I feel like I've got to pull somebody. My objective is to help them realize the limiting thinking that they're doing so whenever I have somebody step out of their comfort zone, or if they have a life challenge or life is going to continue to happen when we're working together. They get wobbly. I say you're going to have some wobbles. They get wobbly and they get knocked off balance. And then, because they're knocked off balance, all their old habits want to show up again.


    So I, in order to I'll say, I'll use your word to convince them that they can we look at, like what's really happening. First of all, never judging or shaming anybody if they think that they can't, obviously but helping them to emotionally reconnect to what they want. Because sometimes when people hit challenges or wobbles, they get very focused on that and they lose sight of why they're here, their purpose, what they really want. So we reconnect emotionally to what they want and then we dive deep and look at like, okay, what's the story you're telling yourself that's blocking you from going here? Is that story going to be helpful for you? Is that story going to be conducive for you to get from here to there?

    Karen Covy Host20:27

    They more about the story. What are the stories people tell themselves? And I know a lot of people they take offense with the word. What do you mean? I don't have a story, this is my life, right.

    Bethany Dotson Guest20:39

    Oh yeah.

    Karen Covy Host20:40

    Yeah, how do you deal with that?

    Bethany Dotson Guest20:42

    Yeah, well, I make sure, first of all, that I'm working with somebody who takes ownership ahead of time, that they are the common denominator and that they do that. They're aware that they're standing in their own way. They have some awareness. They might not like admitting that, but they already have that awareness around the story. Can you repeat the question again? The story, how do I it's?

    Karen Covy Host21:03

    like how do you talk to people about their story and what is a story? Because we all think this is just the way it is. This is my life, right? And how do you explain to somebody that this is a story that they're telling themselves, which means, if it's a story, you have the ability to tell yourself a different story?

    Bethany Dotson Guest21:27

    Yeah. So a lot of curiosity, a lot of curiosity and compassion, asking questions, a lot of the stories that I hear, especially when people hit wobbles. This will not work for me. I always fail at things. I failed at every relationship. I'm failing at work, I'm failing my kids. They go back to the story of I'm a failure and that's just what I found is their fear taking over. So we look at that story and, okay, is that really true? Did you really fail your kids? Where are other examples in your life that you won, that you overcame adversity?


    Clients who have kids I always go back to well, you gave birth to your kids. That wasn't easy. You did that. I have some clients who are physicians or attorneys. They had to go through rigorous training. That wasn't easy. You did that. You didn't think you could do that, probably a hundred times, and here you are. So I always go back when I'm trying to reframe that story, to where are other examples in your life that you have forgotten about, that you are not giving yourself credit for that? We can say, oh, here's a time you did that, here's a time you did that.

    Karen Covy Host22:53

    I love that because it you know as humans. What you're saying is that we don't have just one story right. There are a lot of different stories and we choose to remember certain stories, and that can either keep us stuck or help us break free, is that?

    Bethany Dotson Guest23:16

    Absolutely correct. We have to choose the story and emotionally back it up.

    Karen Covy Host23:23

    And how do you help people to choose the story that's empowering versus the one that keeps them stuck?

    Bethany Dotson Guest23:35

    Through a really open dialogue, asking questions. The most important thing is helping them emotionally connect to the new story, and this can be challenging because there's, like you know, the mind parts I want. Oh, this is the story isn't working for me, I'm going to choose the story. But then down in here they don't feel anything different. They're like, yeah, bullshit, that's not right. So I help them connect emotionally to what they want. One of the ways that we do this is through heart math. I don't know if you're familiar. Yes, I use a lot of heart math in my work. Practice and gratitude. Yes, if you could explain.

    Karen Covy Host24:22

    I mean, I have an idea of what it is, but if you could explain to the listeners what is heart math?

    Bethany Dotson Guest24:28

    Yeah. So heart math is an evidence based intervention to help people connect to higher feeling states of joy, gratitude, love, unconditional love, appreciation, awe and wonder for your life. Most people rely on doing something outside to get that feeling. They date somebody, they buy a handbag, they buy the car, they get the new job and then, like a few weeks later, they're empty again. So it's a roller coaster. They're happy, then most of the time they're sad. Their emotional home is like there's something wrong with me or I'm anxious.


    Heart coherence and heart math helps your body, helps your heart and your brain communicate together and memorize a new emotional set point, a new emotional thermostat setting. Most people who live in fight or flight, their heart rhythm is very erratic. When their heart rhythm is erratic, their brains, their brain waves are erratic, so they can't change their behavior from that state. They have to be in what is called a coherent heart rhythm and a coherent brain. So coherence means that you're relaxed, you are, you feel safe, you feel safe, trusting and the unknown. And when you are able to relax and slow your heart rhythm down and slow your brain rhythm down, when you then pull up a moment in your life or a moment in time or think of a memory. It's a lot easier to pull up a feeling of gratitude from that place usually, and it's easier for your brain to rewire into gratitude. Does that make sense?

    Karen Covy Host26:28

    Yeah, it does. It sounds to me. You tell me if I've got it, but it sounds like it's getting your brain and your heart in sync with one another so that they're flowing together. It sounds like a lot of the work that Dr. Joe Dispenza does.

    Bethany Dotson Guest26:44

    Yes, he uses a lot of heart mass. Absolutely yeah.

    Karen Covy Host26:50

    And so it's about changing the feeling that's inside, which, if I'm understanding you correctly, then changes that set point. It changes the. You don't go back down to anxiety at the same depth or level that you used to. That becomes your default, goes up. In other words, am I getting it?

    Bethany Dotson Guest27:12

     Yes, absolutely getting it. Yes.

    Karen Covy Host27:18

    So and that sounds wonderful the work that you do is so important because so many people think in my world, like in the divorce world, well, when I get a divorce, which is often traumatic, especially if you've got a toxic relationship, that doesn't usually happen easily. Okay, judge says I'm divorced, I should be healed, right? And I see you shaking your head. No, so the work that you do it sounds like this is something that, especially if somebody has been through a difficult divorce or a toxic relationship or any kind of trauma in their life like this, is what they need to be doing to heal. It has nothing to do with the legal system or the finances or anything like that.

    Bethany Dotson Guest28:08

    Am I? Is that right. In my experience, when I and I work solely with women right now although I'm working on changing that in my experience, the divorce is a wake up call to a pattern that she's had long ago, right, so we're looking at, you know, we're looking at. Okay, how can I break this cycle? How can I break this pattern? Because what I've seen, unfortunately, is that there are a lot of people who get a divorce and they think they're healed and then they get on a dating app and I would be a millionaire for the times that I have seen people do this and they meet someone even more abusive, even more narcissistic, even more dysfunctional, and they spend another five or 10 years with that person.

    Karen Covy Host29:08

    So yeah, it's almost. It sounds like it's almost like the universe saying like, until you do this work, we're just gonna keep making it worse, right. Until you finally get the message.

    Bethany Dotson Guest29:23

    Yeah, the proverbial cosmic, two by four, gets larger and, you know, the signs from the universe get more glaring, you know, and yeah, so it's.

    Karen Covy Host29:36

    But then how do you work with the person, or help the person who says like they're trying to do the inner work and the outer work as well. They're already divorced or that relationship is behind them, but now they don't trust themselves. I've heard so many people say I think my picker is broken, right, yeah. So do you help them build that trust in themselves that will allow them to, like get into a new and healthy relationship?

    Bethany Dotson Guest30:10

    Yeah, absolutely so. Going back to what I mentioned before, the inner and the outer, so turning their focus inward, having that daily somatic work as an anchor to regulate their emotions and to release. So sometimes people will have, you know, set in meditation or do a yoga practice and they start crying all of a sudden. They're like where is all this coming from? And it's just, your body needs to let that go. You probably suppressed this emotion or this experience and you probably tried to distract yourself or you didn't wanna feel it several months ago, and now here it is, so it doesn't really go anywhere. So the somatic work to create that balance, to create that heart coherence, to create that brain coherence, so that we can, like, start shifting their beliefs easier, and then having them step out of their comfort zone every week, that creates trust. Anytime.


    You know, when somebody, when somebody and a lot of people have resistance to doing the work, it's normal they're like I'm too busy, I don't have time to sit down and meditate, or I don't have time to do my yoga practice, I don't wanna go on my, I don't wanna take myself on this day.


    But when they recognize that resistance is just fear and it's part of their old self, the protective self that's trying to keep them in the comfort zone and they reconnect to what they want and they take the stuff even though it's scary. That creates self-trust. A lot of times when people book the call with me, they've been thinking about it for a while and they've talked themselves out of it like a lot. Just booking the call creates trust because they either watch the training or they listen to a podcast or they read an email and everything it like. It hits home and they're like I have to book this call and they do it. That creates trust. So it's an inner married with the outer and doing that work consistently that creates that trust, if that makes sense.

    Karen Covy Host32:27

    Yeah, no, that does make sense. But you mentioned doing the training and I know you have a free training. Can you tell me about that?

    Bethany Dotson Guest32:34

    Yeah, so this is a free masterclass or webinar. I don't really like the term webinar because it sounds so like webinar. It's a free 45-minute training and it gives the high level overview of how I get my clients results, how we get results. So it's a five step blueprint. That is less of a how to and more of a ooh. I've got to shift the way that I'm thinking. So it's meant to shift somebody's perceptions about what they're believing now and what they believe is possible for them in the future. So, yeah, that's break the cycle. It's about 45 minutes and again the high-level overview, and then we give some clients case studies in there so people can see real life results and where they were before and where they are after. So they can see that transformation and know that hopefully it's possible for them. And then for people who feel like they're a good fit, there's an invitation to book a free breakthrough call at the end of that training.


    Karen Covy

    Interesting, and where can people find the training?

    Bethany Dotson Guest34 The direct link. It's on my homepage, like you can't miss it. The direct link is Bethanysoncom. Forward slash masterclass.

    Karen Covy Host34:09

    That sounds really fascinating. But talking about beliefs, what if somebody isn't sure they believe they can? I mean, can you work with somebody who is convinced that it's possible for them, Like it might be possible for the rest of the world, but now for me.

    Bethany Dotson Guest34:29

    So that's a great question. I'm a coach. I'm not a magician, so in my experience somebody has to have at least some belief that it's possible for them. If somebody is so deeply entrenched to it's not possible for me, yeah, it can happen for them, it can't happen for me and they're not willing to see a different perspective and choose that perspective, I'm not sure if anything would truly work until they're ready, because there's still a lot of fear leading the way and that person may be better served with a clinician or trauma informed therapist to help them with that fear.


    I do use trauma based interventions here, but because this is coaching, it's really designed for somebody who knows that it's possible. They may, they may have a big voice, at the same time going I don't know. They want a relationship, they want that outcome, they want that result, but there's still the devil on their shoulder going. Well, you failed. You always picked narcissist. I can work with people in that realm, right, but if somebody is so like it'll never happen for me and there really there's a lot of fear around stepping out of that belief, that would be somebody better, better, certain and trauma therapy in my opinion that makes a lot of sense.

    Karen Covy Host36:09

    But it sounds like you know somebody can come to you and they don't have to know for sure that it's, that everything is possible for them, that they can have the relationship of their dreams, that they can calm themselves. They don't have to be 100% convinced, but they have to at least have the door open, like they're open to the possibility. Am I? Am I hearing you right?

    Bethany Dotson Guest36:33

    Absolutely. And even if somebody I would say a lot of people that I talked to, at least on an initial breakthrough session don't believe it's possible for them, the door is open. But part of what we do in that call is get them extremely clear on what that lies with a great partner would feel like. And we get super specific and juicy. And so you know, usually if somebody is a good fit, they're, they're willing to go there, even though it's like, oh my gosh, this is a little uncomfortable, but they're still willing to keep moving toward that vision and emotionally connect to that.


    So I would say, a lot of people that I talked to on some level don't think it's possible for them. They want it. But we, we kind of break down those barriers and that breakthrough call we get real. It's not a comfortable conversation we get. We take away all of the coping mechanisms and all the hiding places and we get to the heart of the matter and we get. We get people connected to what they want emotionally, you know, in a way that they probably haven't felt before, and you know then they can make the decision to move forward and use our support to help them get there or not.

    Karen Covy Host38:00

    So it's a win-win in my opinion. So it sounds like what you're saying is that even somebody who has had a pattern of trauma and bad relationships or toxic relationships in their life, if they are willing to step out of their comfort zone, if they're willing to get the help and do the work, it actually is possible for them to change and have the great relationship.

    Bethany Dotson Guest38:28

    Yeah. And I would add, not only is it possible, those people who say yes in spite of all their trauma usually have soaring success. They are my best clients. They defy the odds, they inspire me to keep doing what I'm doing, I would say the people who have a lot of trauma and have a lot of hurt and have a lot of trust issues, yet are willing to try again and are unwilling to live the rest of their lives with the blinds closed and the doors locked and the guard gate up around their heart, those people who realize that is not the future that they want. Those people break cycles. So it is possible, they prove that it's possible and they usually surprise themselves, and oftentimes myself, with how great life can be afterwards. So it is very possible.

    Karen Covy Host39:28

    This is the perfect place to bring this to an end, because you've given, I think, a lot of people hope where they didn't maybe see that there was a lot of hope before, and this is the work that you do is fascinating. I have thoroughly enjoyed our conversation. Can you tell people where they can find you?

    Bethany Dotson Guest39:46

    Yes, you can find me on Facebook. My business page, Bethany Dotson Relationship Coach, is what you could search. I am on Instagram, Bethany Dotson. Those are the two main places that you can find. I'm also on YouTube and I have a podcast myself. Break the cycle with Bethany Dotson on Spotify and then you can just Google or YouTube Bethany Dotson and you'll see my channel and my videos there.

    Karen Covy Host40:18

    Bethany, thank you so much for sharing all of your insight and wisdom and hope with so many people. I really, really appreciate it, and for everyone out there listening and watching. If you enjoyed today's episode, please do me a big favor. Give it a thumbs up, like, subscribe, share, and I look forward to seeing you again next time.

    Head shot of Karen Covy in an Orange jacket smiling at the camera with her hand on her chin.

    Karen Covy is a Divorce Coach, Lawyer, Mediator, Author, and Speaker. She coaches high net worth professionals and successful business owners to make hard decisions about their marriage with confidence, and to navigate divorce with dignity.  She speaks and writes about decision-making, divorce, and living life on your terms. To connect with Karen and discover how she can help you, CLICK HERE.


    divorce coach, life after divorce, mental health, off the fence podcast

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