Episode Description - Struggling to Change Your Life? Here’s How to "Fix Yourself"
Ever feel like no matter how hard you try, life just keeps throwing more and more challenges at you? Psychologist Faust Ruggiero has spent over 35 years guiding clients through personal transformation by way of action. In his empowering “Fix Yourself” book series, Faust shares the keys to addressing anxiety, depression, anger, addiction, and life's countless hurdles through practical, action-based steps that anyone can follow.
Faust believes information alone isn't enough—real change happens when you put practical knowledge into action. That's why each book in his Fix Yourself Empowerment Series features short, accessible chapters paired with clear, measurable action steps.
If you're tired of repeating unproductive behavior patterns or staying stuck in unhappy relationships, Faust's approach offers a new way to help yourself break free of what's no longer working for you. By helping you define your struggles, reclaim your energy, and master personal accountability, Faust equips you to confidently overcome life's toughest challenges.
Show Notes
About Faust
Faust Ruggiero is a psychologist who has been in private practice for over thirty-five years. Before entering private practice, he worked in clinics for deaf children, prisons, nursing homes, substance abuse centers, inpatient facilities, and is a consultant for major national and international corporations. He is a published research author and a professional clinical trainer.
In the summer of 2016, he began to develop The Fix Yourself Empowerment Series based on the Process Life Program to help readers address difficult situations in their lives. The series currently includes The Fix Yourself Handbook, The Fix Your Anxiety Handbook, The Fix Your Depression Handbook, The Fix Your Anger Handbook and the new The Fix Your Addiction Handbook that was just released!
Connect with Faust
You can connect with Faust on Facebook at Faust Inspire and follow him on X at Faust Inspire and on Instagram at Faust Inspire. To learn more about Faust’s work visit his website at Faust Ruggiero where you can also find his The Empowerment Series – Handbooks.
Key Takeaways From This Episode with Faust
- Faust Ruggiero is a psychologist with over 35 years of experience who created the "Fix Yourself Empowerment Series" of handbooks based on his Process Life program.
- His books provide actionable steps rather than just information, with measurable progress markers.
- The Fix Yourself series includes books on anxiety, depression, anger, addiction, and internal language, all built on the foundation of the flagship "Fix Yourself Handbook."
- Faust emphasizes that meaningful change requires more than just information—it requires consistent action and application over time.
- He describes personal transformation as a two-step process: first "the purge" (removing toxic influences draining your energy) followed by identifying and building your sources of power.•
- When dealing with toxic relationships, Faust recommends carefully defining the toxicity, understanding your contribution to the dynamic, and creating a quality exit plan if necessary, rather than impulsively leaving.
- Personal responsibility means taking accountability rather than blaming external circumstances.
- Meaningful change takes 1-2 years of consistent effort, not 21 days as many programs claim.
- The goal is becoming someone who embraces life daily, not reaching a specific destination.
- Inner power comes from balancing physical, intellectual, emotional, and spiritual aspects of yourself.
Do you like what you've heard?
Share the love so more people can benefit from this episode too!
Transcript
Struggling to Change Your Life? Here’s How to "Fix Yourself"
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
empowerment, action, responsibility, self-love
SPEAKERS
Karen Covy, Faust Ruggiero
Karen Covy Host
00:10
Hello and welcome to Off the Fence, a podcast where we deconstruct difficult decision-making so we can discover what keeps us stuck and, more importantly, how we can get unstuck and start making even tough decisions with confidence. I'm your host, Karen Covy, a former divorce lawyer, mediator and arbitrator, turned coach, author and entrepreneur. And now, without further ado, let's get on with the show.
With me today is Faust Ruggiero, and Faust is a psychologist who has been in private practice for over 35 years. Before entering private practice, he worked in clinics for deaf children, prisons, nursing homes, substance abuse centers, inpatient facilities, and is a consultant for major national and international corporations. He's a published research author and a professional clinical trainer. He also created the Fix Yourself Empowerment Series, which is a series of handbooks he started developing in 2016 based on the Process Life program. This series of handbooks helps readers address difficult situations in their lives. It currently includes the Fix Yourself Handbook, the Fix Yourself Anxiety Handbook, the Fix your Depression Handbook and the Fix your Anger Handbook and the new Fix your Addiction Handbook that was recently released. Faust, welcome to the show.
Faust Ruggiero Guest
01:40
Karen, thanks so much for inviting me. It's a pleasure to be spending time with you today.
Karen Covy Host
01:44
Well, I'm thrilled to have you and I want to just dive right in and talk about the Fix Yourself series of books. What are they about and what motivated you to get into that line of book writing?
Faust Ruggiero Guest
02:01
You know I've been doing this for a long, long time and you know, when you counsel for as long as I have, you weed out some things that don't work. You create things that do work and I wanted a program that people could follow. I'm really a stickler for not just information. You know I don't think you get power from information. You get power from learning how to put your information into action. So you know, everything I do when I counsel is action-based here, here's your information. Now let's do these things.
02:34
I wrote the books the same way short chapters, so you can read a chapter in seven or eight pages and then we go to now do these action steps. I wanted that when I did a literature review of all the self-help books tons and tons of great information. Very few people saying do this and I don't care what you're doing in your life. If you're doing something, there's the information, then there's what you have to do with it. So that's the motivation behind all of this let's give people solid action steps that are measurable and they can see the progress.
Karen Covy Host
03:09
That makes so much sense. But I'm curious because I can sell with some of the books fix your anger, fix your depression, fix your addiction, those kind of. They identify a specific issue that someone might be struggling with and say, okay, if I've got this, I read this book and that will help me get through it. But what about the fix yourself? What about the general premise and book? Who is that for and what does it help people do?
Faust Ruggiero Guest
03:39
It's a great question. When I started putting this together you know you've published, you know the publishers say who's your target audience? And all that garbage that they ask you and I said target audience, they said oh yeah, self-help probably women 18 to like 40. And I said, oh, so that's the only people that I wanted to write a book for everyone. That answers the first question who is it for everyone? I wanted everyone to be able to anyone to pick it up and say, okay, I can use this and I write in that fashion. I don't just write for a Democrat, I look for something that is much more widespread. The other thing I wanted to do was to be able to put something out there that when people read it, they could apply it. So, you know, get it spread to the entire population. And I have people that start this at 16, and I have a woman just emailed me and said she's 81. Oh my God, this is doing things. The first book is designed it's the flagship book that has 36 chapters, 36 different problems.
Karen Covy Host
04:50
Whoa.
Faust Ruggiero Guest
04:51
And that's what we're building the series on. So the next book anxiety was in the first book. Depression was there, anger was there, addiction was there, you know. The one I'm just finishing now, which should come out in June, is on internal language and how we speak to ourselves and how we either tear ourselves down or empower ourselves. That's coming out. We're going to do some things on faith and on relationships. So all of this comes out of the first book. That's the foundational book and if you think about it, when we make changes in our lives, the first thing we do is put down a foundation that's going to hold the change. So that's the first book. There's the foundational book. If you read that, you get an idea what we're doing and every book is written with exactly the same design short chapters, information, action, steps. So we don't deviate from that. So you read the next book, you say, oh, this is easy. This is what I did the first time.
Karen Covy Host
05:48
Okay, so it sounds like if someone was struggling with some sort of an issue, some sort of psychological issue or relationship issue or life issue, whatever that. The place that they would want to start is with your flagship first book, get an idea about what the system is all about and then go from there. Hopefully, whatever their problem is, you've already written that book for the next one, but then they go to that and then they go from there. Is that a fair?
Faust Ruggiero Guest
06:18
That's exactly what we've done. What I'm looking at is simulating counseling. If anyone's been in counseling, you get in, you put a foundation down, you get all the information about the person. Then, if we're doing our job, we say, okay, we got, we're going to deal with this in this session. Now, you got, I gave you a lot of information in this hour. Go, do these two or three things. We'll check back next week. Any good therapist is doing that. So the person says, okay, I know what I'm working on, this is what I'm supposed to do, just this. This is how we're going to go back, this is what I have to come back with and hopefully I've done it and we're going to work on it and tweak it where we need. That's all. That's all I'm doing.
Karen Covy Host
06:58
That that makes so much sense and it sounds like it mirrors a lot of. I mean, I'm not a therapist, but I work as a coach and it's very similar to my process. It's like I tell people education, information they're all very important. You can't make good decisions without starting there. But if you don't know what to do with that information to your point, if you don't know how to apply it and how to actually take action based on that, it's not particularly useful.
Faust Ruggiero Guest
07:29
It's not. And what happens? If that's the way we continue to run things, then our minds get, they normalize that approach. Oh, I get information, now, good, I've got, I know what to do, and we do nothing. But when you know and that's kind of the thing I have to break with people when they come into counseling, I'm giving you information, great. Now they're saying, oh, that's great, Good, I'm wonderful, I feel better. I said, well, no, you shouldn't, because the next step is you have to do these things. And they say, oh, I have to work. Now, it's not, the information doesn't just come in and change my brain. That's the starting block that says let's not do this, let's do this, but you have to do this.
Karen Covy Host
08:14
How do you get them to do that? Because doing something that's scary, that takes people out of their comfort zone, I mean, you and I both know that's where the real progress is made. But how do you get people over that hurdle, that analysis, paralysis?
Faust Ruggiero Guest
08:31
You know, it's the old transference thing. They start by believing in me. I'm the expert. I remember when I wrote the first book, my editor comes back and says who is this we and all that? You have to be the guide. I say you should do this. I'm writing it because of this.
08:45
When I come into counseling, I'm doing a number of things. First, I'm establishing a rapport so they want to come back. I'm letting them know that I got the answers. I got you, follow me. And then I'm telling them okay, these things are there, don't be daunted by that, because you have the power.
09:04
I'm going to pull these little PowerPoints out for you, and every time I ask you to do a change, I'm also going to connect you with what you have inside you to get there. We're going to keep building that. So not only does the program advance your ability to deal with all these little intricate things that we're introducing, that changes too. So, they'll come in. It's okay, I'm not sure about this. Oh, you've told me this, now I can do that, and next week when I come back, he's going to do the same thing. You have to do this, and here's the power. Then they get to a threshold point where they say I am powerful enough to make all these changes, and then they love it. It's like working out you know I'm jogging for five minutes. I'm going to die here Now. I'm jogging for an hour and I want to go faster and increase the difficulty. Give me more. The mind is expansive. It wants more. We just have to guide it into the right track. That's all.
Karen Covy Host
10:04
And is that what you do? Because I've heard you mention, even in this short time, the words power and empowerment multiple times already, and I know that's a big piece of what you do. How can somebody who's reading your book and might not have access to you individually, but is reading your book, how can they empower themselves?
Faust Ruggiero Guest
10:30
The two-step process, whether it's counseling, whether it's empowering yourself, whatever you do, the first step I always call it the purge. That's where we go in and we say, oh, you've got this that you're doing that's pulling you back. You have this. These are all the things that pull your power, either pull it away from you or compromise it. So it could be you know what you do physically, sleep, and what you put in your body and all those kind of exercise. It could be your relationships. It could be anything that's toxic, that comes into your life and grabs your energy. So let's identify those and start moving those out of the picture. Now we're going to identify all the sources of your power, because now we have a whole lot of energy that you're not throwing away over here, and that's you know.
11:14
And when you think you know, people come in and say I'm exhausted and I say what did you do today? And they give me a pretty basic day. I said how did you get tired doing that? Well, I said let's think, go, let's talk about what you're thinking about and what's pulling at you, and then I get like 80% of their day is over here. It's all about energy management. Power comes from energy management. I always tell them it's like a light bulb. You know, when you have the dimmer switch, when you're using all your energy on stuff that's toxic and working against you, you get about 20 watts or 30 watts. When we clear all that out, it's like turning that dial and all of a sudden the room is illuminated. We're giving you more power.
Karen Covy Host
11:56
But just I want to dive into this idea of the purge right, because I think a lot of my audience they're people who are in relationships that aren't working or they're in the middle of a divorce, and so when I, as someone who works in the divorce space, hear you talk about purge and relationships in the same sentence, that to me is like oh, that toxic marriage that you've got, you need to purge that. Well, you and I both know that's not something you just flip a switch and you've done so. How should people approach the purge?
Faust Ruggiero Guest
12:31
I'm glad you asked it that way, because that's the way people think about it. Oh, my marriage is bad. I got to get rid of this person. Now what we have to do is not only decide that that's toxic energy. Now we have to define it. How is it affecting you?
12:48
Sometimes, and most of the time, the toxic energy is a two-way street. You know you both may be contributing, or your spouse or significant other is the toxic person, but you're allowing it, you're victimizing yourself and it's like you're a magnet to it. So we have to define where that comes from. A lot of times I get that toxic relationship and I can bring them through it and have a warm, loving relationship. Other times we define it and say, look, this is not going anywhere. It's a love-hate relationship, it's one that's feeding off the toxin. You're at a point where maybe you need to make some changes. But before we get there, it's not just toxin, it's defining it. What is the toxin? Where is it coming from? How is it being utilized? Is there a possibility of removing that? And what we have left is something we can build on. So I don't just say it's toxic, get rid of it. Let's define, and that's what we should do in anything.
13:50
The information is there. The information is my relationship is toxic. I'm tired, I'm unhappy, I'm getting sick over this. Okay, give me all the symptoms. Let's define what it is, because a lot of times you know how it goes. It's finances and I can't leave. I have two or three kids and they're going to get destroyed by this. There's a business we're running together, whatever it may be. So before we throw you into you know a horrible state, let's define what the information is all about. Let's define your options. Let's look at those and see which ones work. And I think that's what makes my program different. I know so many counselors that come in and they say well, it's a toxic relationship, you've got to change this. And I say how did you get from toxic to change?
Karen Covy Host
14:43
What information did you use to get to that point? What kind of information is someone looking for in order to make that definition?
Faust Ruggiero Guest
14:50
I start by what's happening and how are you responding to it? How are you internalizing itI can be the person that says you don't do anything right and you know I'm putting it all on you. And then I'm saying, okay, well, you don't do anything right and you know I'm putting it all on you. And then I'm saying, okay, let's look at what you are doing. Let's look at whether or not you know you're accepting this and you're being victimized. Let's look at where you came from.
15:15
You know, if it's a woman, was dad a mean, rotten person and mom was the church mouse that cowered? And what are you doing? Are you following suit? What would happen if mom would have done things a little bit differently? Might you have learned a few things differently? We got to a point where we say, oh, it doesn't work, I'll leave. So we train our kids to say when something's difficult, get out. That's, and you know where they're going next to the next horrible relationship, because they didn't change anything. So, even if we have to change it before we get there, I want them to learn all about it. So the process of change has positive energy associated with it.
Karen Covy Host
15:53
That's interesting. Why does it matter? I mean, isn't change change? Why does it matter if you bring positive energy to your change or not?
Faust Ruggiero Guest
16:02
Because if you don't, you go back to the same things you did before, which is what you know and the mind. I talk about processes I call habit formation or normalization. Our brain accepts those and a toxic relationship often becomes a comfort zone because we know it. It feels horrible, but our minds know how to deal with it. It becomes familiar. I know what I have to do every day and I get through it.
16:31
Now, okay, I go to a counselor and they say this isn't working. Look at this. And you say I got to get out, but no one ever told me to do it differently. So my energy is going to be the same when I go out there. I'm going to reestablish something. I'm going to make some changes. It's going to look like it's different. Oh, they treat me nicer, oh, but you know what?
16:52
I didn't change me and say I'm worthy of something different and this is exactly what I want to get there. So now I go and I pick the same model with a few different features. Two years down the road, I'm saying I don't believe this. It may not be the same things, but now they're doing these other things that I don't like. It's great to change the venue, but I have to change me, so I become. I was called your own, being your own gatekeeper, your loving gatekeeper. You decide who gets in, what gets in and who stays out, but you have to, you have to have the information. You have to know what it is that's guiding your choices there.
Karen Covy Host
17:37
Okay. So let me pick a little bit at this, because this is an intriguing concept and I want to know if somebody is in a relationship - a marriage - doesn't matter and they've defined it as being toxic. It makes them feel bad. They're getting sick there, it's all the things right. Is it better, or can you say whether it's better or worse for them to start to make the internal changes and examine the relationship and the behaviors while they're still in it, or should they get out and do the work excuse me, after the fact, or does it matter?
Faust Ruggiero Guest
18:17
Well, it matters. Oh well, I have uh defining points for me, which are you in physical danger? Right, that's key. You know if, if that's going to happen, is the person addicted to a drug and then comes home, maybe it's not, uh, going to beat you up, but they rip you apart when they come home. You, you know, is the person a gambler and you know you're now $20,000 in debt and people are calling and knocking at the door.
18:46
There are reasons to get out. If there's none of that and you know, at least we're going to look at whether you're going to stay, because now I want to look at the person too. Sometimes it's a toxic situation and the person I'm involved with has some mental health things going on. Maybe there's tons of anxiety, there may be a bipolar issue on their part. Now, I've got to look at all those things. So what I'm saying is every case is individual and that's where people get stuck. Well, I probably should. It's toxic. I should go. Let's just slow the train down a bit.
19:20
If you're not in danger, let's look at this. And even if you're going to leave, we still want an exit plan. We still want you to grab onto everything. Again, an attorney. You know how many times a person comes in and says, ok, it's toxic, I'm getting out. And the attorney says, ok, great, and we get you out. And they look and now they're in this two bedroom apartment where you know the landlord's horrible, and now they have a whole new set. There's different problems. We want to define everything. Make some intelligent decisions. If you're leaving, there's a quality exit plan so you don't leave and take on more and more toxins.
Karen Covy Host
20:01
Right. That makes so much sense. And you're also 100% right. I mean, everything changes and your access to information can also change with it, and things that you could have easily gotten yesterday are now missing, and you just bought yourself an incredibly difficult journey, and it didn't have to be that way.
Faust Ruggiero Guest
20:36
Exactly so. It all boils down to being willing to love and treat people like individuals. If you walk into my office, I'm going to love you. I'm going to say you're special to me. I want to make sure everything is just the way it's supposed to be and I'm going to show you how to do that. Your willingness to accept that, to grab it and run with it, that's up to you. I will tell you that every step you take along that journey, I'll be right there with you.
21:04
But you have to make the decision to do the work. Whether you stay or leave, you are going to have a ton of work in front of you, just the way it is. If you decide to leave and create a new life, there's a lot of work unless you've done some silly things like well, I left Bob to go in with Gary over here, but Gary's got a whole lot of problems, hey, but you know what? They're not as bad as Bob. Oh wonderful, we know where that's going. And people do that. I mean it sounds like a joke, but people jump and before they leave, they intellectualize it and they make it sound like it looks good and so much better. And they're initially right. They're not doing what Bob did, but Gary's got his own stuff and you didn't work on that. You didn't look at that and say where is this going to go? Yeah, you know, we want to make an individual and we want to make sure we cover all the bases.
Karen Covy Host
21:59
Yeah, that makes so much sense. That's why, when people ask me, oh, I'm still in the middle of my divorce, should I be dating again? Obviously, the answer is individual right. If your divorce has been going on for six years, which some of them do, okay, that's one thing. But you just filed two months ago and it isn't over yet. Of course it's not over yet, and jumping from one person to the next and starting dating too soon, you're going from the frying pan to the fire. So what would you encourage or counsel or tell people to do to make sure that they are ready, that they have done their own or enough of their own work? Because I think we're all works in progress. How can somebody know if they've done enough work to be ready to move on?
Faust Ruggiero Guest
22:47
I ask questions, they're not going to take it from me, even though I'm their counselor. If I say you're not ready yet, the heart pulls. You know the physical stuff, it's all. So what I always say is okay, you're saying you want to move forward. Yeah, I think I found this person good. Tell me, tell me why you're ready, tell me what you, what work you've done to get to the next point, and be specific. And they look at me then well, no, I just feel much better. I'm working on things.
23:13
I said you didn't tell me a darn thing and I, if you didn't tell me that, you don't you're, you don't know it yourself. If you're going to move on to the next place, you need to be ready for it. You need to know what wasn't good about you in the relationship, not about the person you're leaving. That's gone. Let's talk about you. What makes you feel as though you can step into the next relationship and be productive there.
23:38
You're gonna see things coming way before they become toxic, that you're gonna be able to be that loving person who knows how to set boundaries and say I'm doing this, but you need to be doing this and I need to look at that and make sure it's happening so we don't do all those things again. I need you to tell me that, and that's where you know what they say. I'm not sure I said. What you looked for when you came in was for me to give you the pat on the back and say stamp of approval, go do it. And I'm not doing it. That's not my job, that's your job. You need to know. When you get there, it all changes. Changes because I'm putting them in a position to take responsibility of their own lives and not to have a quick fix. We want you to be happy for the long haul.
Karen Covy Host
24:27
All right. So you have just touched on a topic that is near and dear to my heart, which is personal responsibility. What does that mean to you, which is personal responsibility? What does that mean to you?
Faust Ruggiero Guest
24:38
For me, it's about accountability. It's about defining what I need to do. It's about being able to say, yes, I'm working on it. No, this is going to happen and I am willing to do the work to get there. That may not mean that I get happy today with my new thing, because that's just a toy, is all it is. It means that I'm going to go through an uncomfortable process of change to get to a point where I'd be comfortable with my life and inside my head and heart, and then I might be able to turn it outward. But I'm going to accept responsibility for my life. I am going to say I'm going to stop saying I was unhappy because that thing out there, I'm going to be master of my destiny. That out there is not going to have the power to make me happy or not. I'm doing it, and if that doesn't want to cooperate, then I'll make choices. I'm doing it, and if that doesn't want to cooperate, then I'll make choices. It's all about me and me getting strong and I'm going to do whatever I have to do.
Karen Covy Host
25:43
What if someone's not willing to do whatever they have to do? What if it's too hard?
Faust Ruggiero Guest
25:56
I ask them how much unhappiness are you willing to take on again? So if you don't want to do the work, let's look at it. If you do 10%, you get this, 20 and so forth. If you get to the, how much are you willing to adjust to? Are you willing to get up every day and say, I guess this is okay? You want to keep on making some excuses? Do you want to look at the other person and say, wow, they're really happy. Why can't I do that? You're going to do the work. Those of us that are happy, truly happy.
26:28
You know, we got blown up and we turned to ashes and we rebuilt. That's how we got that. They'll come in and say to me well, you have all the answers. Geez, if you, I said you think somehow I just popped out and this is the way I was. No, I got beat up, like the rest of the world, and I made a decision somewhere along the line to say enough, I am fixing this. I'm going to be my master of my destiny. I'm going to get up every day and be in control of my world, how I think and feel in it. Do you want to do that? Then your confidence goes up. Your faith in yourself goes up.
27:03
You know, when the pandemic hit, people said, oh my God, what are you going to do? And I said nothing. What do you mean? Nothing, I'm going to wait it out. I'm going to do what we need to do. I'm going to avoid contact. You know those kinds of things. If I have to stay in the house, I will. You'll go crazy. No, I won't In my own space. No, I won't. I empowered myself long before that. When the time comes, I empower myself to take on anything that comes on in my life. That's the goal.
Karen Covy Host
27:34
Okay. So how do you empower yourself? Because there are a lot of people out there who are watching and listening, who won't have the benefit of having Faust sitting there counseling them right, maybe they'll buy your book. Hopefully they'll buy your book. I suggest that they do, and they can do the exercises in there, but it's still them doing it for them. How can they do it themselves? What do they need to do? Can you give them any tips?
Faust Ruggiero Guest
28:01
Your first step, your first thing is always the decision. I am going to change this and nothing is going to stop me now. You've tried to do this yourself all this time. It didn't work. Now you're going to get help. Who am I going to trust? Whether, you know, my people will always say so glad I came here, I finally made a decision. They're not. And of course, they're going to say you're so wonderful and that's all. That's sideline stuff. You made the decision.
28:34
You are the one that said I'm leaving this office or this session and I'm going out and doing those things. I'm not making any excuses anymore. I'm not excusing myself from responsibility. I'm not saying the problem came from outside of me. I am going to take everything and I'm going to take responsibility for it. For me, if you're willing to do that, everything's going. How could it not change? It's the antithesis of what you did before. You did all the wrong things. Now you make the right decisions. Will it take time? Yes, because we're retraining your brain to think differently and take those old things and say, no, they weren't normal. You looked at them as part of your norm. They weren't. We're going to put new norms in there. We're going to retrain your brain and that's going to take a year or two. Big deal.
Karen Covy Host
29:30
Okay, let's dig into that, because I think when some people hear a year or two, they're like, ah, that's just crazy, that's too long. And I hear this thrown around in the self-development personal, you know, personal development world it's 21 days or 28 days to change a habit. And I see you shaking your head. No, tell me more about that.
Faust Ruggiero Guest
29:50
All of that's garbage. Those are people selling programs that convince you because they're playing into the immediate gratification. The way the human brain works is it does not change habits that fast those habits. The way the mind works. It works on conscious thought, and the more we work with conscious thought we train the brain. It turns to automatic response. Now the brain just does it because the brain is clearing space for conscious thought. I call it autopilot thinking. So, what happens is all the things we learn now go to autopilot.
30:30
We have to make all this conscious and that's a training period for your brain that takes a long, a much longer time not tremendous. And also, let me say this it depends on how much time you're putting into it and how much commitment is there. If you're, you know, if I said to you hey, you're going to go start this new exercise plan and you work out once every two or three weeks, it's going to take you a long time. If you get into the plan and do it religiously, like you're supposed to, your body gets toned, your endurance increases and you're able to do it better. So it takes a while to retrain your brain. But here's what I tell everyone Are you telling me, in your mind, what you're worth is 21 days and then that's all the time you're going to put into it. Or are you worth loving yourself into a great life for the long haul and are you willing to put that much time in for you?
Karen Covy Host
Yeah, I love that, but how do you know when you've arrived?
Faust Ruggiero Guest
You don’t, it’s not about that. That’s another thing that we program is the destination, I’m going to do this and when I get there it will be that. And when you get there, a million things have changed. People, places, things what you're doing.
31:50
Your goal is to become the person that embraces your life every day, looks at it and says I need to do this today. It's not overwhelming, they're little things. Here's my schedule. Here are the things I want to accomplish. Here's my downtime, here's my service time, whatever it is every day. My goal was to become a person who loved myself into being the person I want to be. Destination, realized. Everything else lines up behind that. That's what I want to be. I want to be that person. If I'm setting a destination, what happens when I get there? I stop working. Oh, I got there, now I can relax. That's what we want to do. It's vacation time? No, it's not.
Karen Covy Host
32:39
Well, you can't blame someone for wanting a vacation.
Faust Ruggiero Guest
32:42
No doubt about it. You can't blame someone for saying I want to get there and be happy. I'm just saying, if you become the person who every day says I'm making the best of every moment of my life, if that's what you're willing to do, that's what you plug into every day and everything that comes into your world goes into that power person. You know, in the first book I talk about what gratitude and humility and wisdom are and how to get there. And you know people, know people. For example, gratitude. People will say I ask them what gratitude is? Oh, it's when I get this, I'm so thankful. I know that's thankful. You're right.
33:18
Gratitude is a state that lives inside you and you're, and it is a power that, no matter what comes into your life, it goes to that little place and you wrap the gratitude around everything. That's how I live my life. I don't think, I don't wait, I want that. Oh, I'm so grateful. No, you got something. Work over. It's a state of being where you're grateful for every second of your life and that doesn't just turn on. That's why the 21-day programs don't work, because they don't get you to change all those things. They don't get you to understand the power of surrender and humility. They don't do those things, but that's what works for the long run.
Karen Covy Host
34:05
Okay. So if people are living in this state of gratitude, what would you say to the person who is still in that toxic situation, toxic relationship, and how can I be grateful for this? This is the antithesis of everything that I want. I'm miserable, he or she treats me badly, my kids aren't doing what I want, my job sucks, everything sucks. How can I be grateful?
Faust Ruggiero Guest
34:32
This is me, this is my world. Out there, when I talk gratitude, I say let's remove the world for a moment. I need to know the person you are. If you're unhappy with something, you've taken the first step. Your mind has said this is not for me, why not? Because it doesn't fit. Well then, let's talk about who's in there. I don't want to hear about this kid and that finance and this abusive person and that job supervisor who's tearing you down on the finances. Those are things and people in your life. They're not here, they're out there. I want to know what's in here and once they start switching that because what they're doing and we all do it we look at what's in our lives, all the stuff in our lives, and that's how we define ourselves. That's external. We're going to go internal. I want to go, sort of speak, into the soul of you. I want to get into what's in there. That's where you're going to define it, because guess what? That's where your PowerPoint is. It's not out there.
35:41
Changing your external world does not make you more powerful. It just makes you more happy. But now it's dependent upon external things which often are out of your control. I want you to be happy and powerful over what's inside you. So all of that takes a backseat. I don't need any of that to be happy. I'd like it, it would make me happier, but my power rests inside me. It's like the athlete who's been kicked around and dropped from the team and said no way. And they say no, you're no good, you're never going to make it. And all of a sudden, we're watching that person on television who is now the most viable player, or whatever it may be. And then they tell their story. How did they get there? Not by changing the people out there, but becoming powerful inside. They made a decision and said nothing will stop me. I will be powerful inside. And they can't stop me. They don't have the ability.
Karen Covy Host
36:44
Interesting so is that, if I'm catching this correctly, is that the crux of what the entire Fix It series is about?
Faust Ruggiero Guest
36:53
You got it. That's the goal. Fix Yourself Empowerment Series. I want to fix what doesn't work. It's about second word, it's yourself. It's about me Empowerment. I want to get power inside me.
37:10
That's the whole thing and the way the first book will tell you. It's all about balance. It's about being able to balance my physical, intellectual, emotional and spiritual attributes. That's what makes a person so. When I start working on the power, my emotions don't override my intellect, my thoughts aren't all over the place. Spiritually, I feel, feel connected, my body's where it's supposed to be. I'm doing the right things. That's power. You. You balance those and that and that it's not that you have to focus on that.
37:42
If you're doing what I'm telling you, those come into play. You say, well, you know what. I'm not gonna do all that crazy stuff and put my body through all that, I'm not gonna come home. At the end of the then I'm going to have five drinks and smoke a few uh joints and because it did nothing to empower me, it's an escape. Yeah, I'm gonna come home and say my time, let me just catch my breath and it's me, it’swhat this is. You know, when I walk in the room you're going to know I'm in control. Don't try to sell me anything because it's not happening.
Karen Covy Host
38:18
That's interesting and it seems like if that's genuinely the place that you are coming from, that toxic relationship, one way or another it can't last or it can't continue to be toxic. Either you're running it out or the dynamic.
Faust Ruggiero Guest
38:36
Once it gets in there, it just dies. And the other important point is to get your mind out of what's trending and what people are doing, because that's go. Who's the leader out there? Nobody. Who are you following with all this herd mentality stuff? You know you go online and you see this one attacking here and then they got 3,000 likes and I said what in the world are people doing?
39:03
When I look at that stuff, I say really, where in the world did you get that idea? Show me the source, because it can't come in unless it's genuine and it has its own power. That doesn't have anything. I stop following the crowd. I don't care whether they say, oh, you're in step or not, I'm not in step with you. I'm in my step, I'm establishing my step and I'm walking to that. And I know it's healthy because every day I get up and I can deal with whatever comes into my life. It doesn't mean my life's perfect and it's going to have all those things that other people deal with, and it does. And every day I get up and I said that may be what I have to deal with, but it's's not tearing me down, no way. I won't allow it.
Karen Covy Host
39:54
That is amazing, and I think it's what so many people long for to have that kind of personal power and I can just say thank you so much for being here and for sharing all of this with us. Do you have any last words, any last thoughts for the audience, something that you want to leave them with?
Faust Ruggiero Guest
40:15
Yes, as what I alluded to before. You have to love yourself enough to say I'm worth this. I have a right to be able to be happy, but I have to commit to the work and have to make it about me, not all this other stuff out there. Be able to say I'm willing, I'm going to get help, I'm going to do the work, regardless of how hard it feels, because when I get through this period of uncomfortable change, I'm going to be at a point where I'm powerful enough inside that nothing out there is going to tear me down. I'll have hits, people will die, there'll be traumas. I'll have those, but I have the power to deal with that. That's what I want If you're willing to do that and you're willing to do the work and it's not happening in 21 days, and understand that, but it shouldn't.
41:05
The last thing I say is your life goes on day to day. You may be around for 50 or 60 or whatever more years. Make every one of those days an opportunity to be stronger, happier and more in control of your world, and that is the answer to how you love yourself. You hear that all the time. You must love yourself. That's the answer to how you do it. If you do that, you'll love yourself.
Karen Covy Host
41:34
That's beautiful, Faust. I can't thank you enough for being here, for sharing your wisdom, for all of the things that you're doing. If people want to find you or want to buy your books, where can they go to do that?
Faust Ruggiero Guest
41:51
The best place, Karen, is my website. It's my name FaustRuggiero.com. Everything about me and the books are there. Excerpts from the books are there so you can see what you're getting into. If you think you might want to buy them, there's a contact link and I encourage people send me an email. You know I do respond to people and you know if I can help you then we'll do that.
Karen Covy Host
42:18
That's wonderful and for anyone who's watching or listening, we're going to link to everything all the books, Faust's website. Everything will be linked underneath in the show notes. Thank you again so much for being here. I really appreciate it.
Faust Ruggiero Guest
42:32
It has been a pleasure, thank you.
Karen Covy Host
42:34
You much for being here. I really appreciate it. It has been a pleasure, thank you. You're welcome. And, for those of you who are out there watching or listening, if you enjoyed today's conversation, if you want more, just like it, do me a big favor, like subscribe, subscribe on YouTube, subscribe wherever you're listening to this, and I look forward to seeing you again next time.
