Episode Description - Has Your Marriage Lost its Spark? Here's How to Become A Power Couple
What if you could create an amazing marriage with the precision and effectiveness of an engineer? That's exactly what Gabriela Embon, a certified relationship coach and former engineer, helps couples do. Gabriela combines engineering strategy with deep emotional insights in a transformative relationship strategy, empowering couples to build legendary marriages through structured, actionable frameworks.
In her book, Becoming a Power Couple: Four Pillars to Engineer Legendary Marriages Gabriela helps couples reconnect, rekindle love, and establish meaningful rituals that sustain their bond. Gabriela highlights the importance of emotional attunement and proactive habits, making relationship-building a deliberate and strategic process.
Most importantly, Gabriela reassures couples that it's never too late to course-correct, even when a marriage is in crisis. Her unique blend of practical advice and emotional intelligence provides both hope and a clear path forward for anyone seeking genuine love and lasting connection.
Show Notes
About Gabriela
Certified coach and author Gabriela Embon believes that a fulfilling adult life hinges on two essential components: an ideal career and a thriving primary relationship. In the last 2 decades as a coach, Gabriela has dedicated herself to helping couples build fulfilling and enduring relationships. Gabriela utilizes the analytical and problem-solving skills from her engineering background, and applies them to the intricacies of human relationships. By combining the precision of engineering with the emotional depth of human behaviour, she empowers couples to transform their relationships, and become a Power Couple.
Connect with Gabriela
You can connect with Gabriela on LinkedIn at Gabriela Embon and Facebook at Gabriela Embon. You can also follow her on Instagram at Gabriela Embon and YouTube at Coaching Academy. To find out more about Gabriela’s work visit her website at Gabriela Embon.
Bonus:
Download the prologue of her book "Becoming a Power Couple - 4 Pillars to Engineer Legendary Marriages" here.
Key Takeaways From This Episode with Gabriela
- Gabriela Embon is a certified coach and author who transitioned from engineering to relationship coaching, applying analytical skills to help couples build fulfilling relationships.
- Her book "Becoming a Power Couple: Four Pillars to Engineer Legendary Marriages" outlines a framework for couples to build strong relationships through a strategic approach.
- The first pillar is "Me" - focusing on self-development, taking responsibility for your own happiness, and working on emotional intelligence.
- The second pillar is "You" - understanding and nurturing your partner, developing emotional attunement, and essentially becoming your partner's best friend.
- The third pillar is "Ours" - treating the relationship like a business partnership with two shareholders who need clear vision, communication, coordination, and collaboration.
- The fourth pillar is "Us" - maintaining connection through intentional habits and rituals that strengthen the relationship.
- Rituals (like morning cuddles, greeting each other at the door, or weekly dates) help couples maintain connection even during busy times by creating intentional moments.
- Gabriela advises couples to create a "marriage constitution" listing boundaries and non-negotiables to clarify expectations and prevent misunderstandings.
- One person can initiate positive change in a relationship; complete transformation doesn't require both partners to start the process simultaneously.
- It's never too late to course-correct in relationships, and even when feeling disconnected, actions can help rekindle emotions and rebuild connection.
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Transcript
Has Your Marriage Lost its Spark? Here's How to Become A Power Couple
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
connection, rituals, power couple
SPEAKERS
Karen Covy, Gabriela Embon
Karen Covy Host
00:10
Hello and welcome to Off the Fence, a podcast where we deconstruct difficult decision-making so we can discover what keeps us stuck and, more importantly, how we can get unstuck and start making even tough decisions with confidence. I'm your host, Karen Covy, a former divorce lawyer, mediator and arbitrator, turned coach, author and entrepreneur. And now, without further ado, let's get on with the show.
With me today, I have the pleasure of speaking with Gabriela Embon, and Gabriela is a certified coach and author who believes that a fulfilling adult life hinges on two essential components an ideal career and a thriving primary relationship.
00:58
In the last two decades as a coach, Gabriela has dedicated herself to helping couples build fulfilling and enduring relationships. Gabriela utilizes the analytical and problem-solving skills from her engineering background and applies them to the intricacies of human relationships. By combining the precision of engineering with the emotional depth of human behavior, she empowers couples to transform their relationship and become power couples, which is, coincidentally, the title of her book, which is “Becoming a Power Couple: Four Pillars to Engineer Legendary Marriages”. So, Gabriela, thank you so much for agreeing to be on the show. I'm so excited for our conversation.
Gabriela Embon Guest
01:43
Thank you for having me. It always touches my heart when I see people holding my book. Thank you for doing that I am so excited.
Karen Covy Host
01:49
I love this book. But anyways, we'll get into that in a minute. But before we get into the book, I think people might be interested a little bit in your backstory. How did you go from engineering to relationship coach?
Gabriela Embon Guest
02:10
Okay, yeah, so when I work as an engineer, the part that I love the most was solving problems and helping you know the company that I was working for create extraordinary things. But I knew that to create something extraordinary you actually have to invest, you have to commit, you have to measure and course correct. Turns out that I wasn't so passionate about producing Pentium 4s as much as I was about relationships and people, so I decided to transfer all my skills, plus the coaching certification, into coaching individuals and couples. So basically, that's the story.
02:52
I initially started coaching individuals on personal development when I graduated as a coach and I noticed something very, very strong that people could achieve great success in their careers but without a strong, thriving relationship. It felt like something was missing. Because I do believe that relationships are the foundation of our lives and the influence, they have a huge ripple effect on anything, including our professional life, of course professional life, of course. So that realization led me to develop the life engineering framework, basically, which I share in my book, of becoming a power couple. So, couples can have a very clear structure, strategic and result oriented approach to building a legendary relationship Pretty much like building a product.
Karen Covy Host
03:52
Yeah, I love that, and I know you and I, we are very like-minded and we're also on the same page about how you begin that relationship and who you begin it with. So if you're okay, to share a little bit about your backstory in that regard too, that would be beautiful.
Gabriela Embon Guest
04:07
Yeah. So I was engaged to someone else, not my husband. After dating this man for five years, I was engaged to get married and a month before the wedding, I just called it off. Now I canceled the wedding simply because the night before I made that decision, I had a dream, and in my dream, I was entering the altar and the person that I was waiting for me, that I was supposed to marry, was not my fiancé at the time, it was my husband today. When I saw his face, when he turned, he was my husband today. So it made me realize that I was going to make a mistake, that I was compromising. Today I believe we shouldn't compromise on that and I was convincing myself that this is the right move. But the message came very clear this is not the right person for you. So, of course, the next day, I actually canceled the wedding.
Karen Covy Host
05:02
That, first of all, kudos to you, because you probably know this as much as I do work with people. You know I work with a lot of people who are going through a divorce and there are so many of them who said I knew it right from the start. I knew it before the wedding, but they didn't have the courage to call off the wedding because the invitations had gone out. The venue was like they had all the things lined up and they didn't think that they could. So kudos to you that you had the courage to do that.
Gabriela Embon Guest
05:36
Yeah, I think it was. It was because the message was so strong. And the next day we got into an argument and, honestly, I think it was higher power who guided me over the phone to just say that's it, it's over. You know, I think when we're young we're more courageous than at this age. That's for sure, and I was very young.
05:55
But yes, relating to what you mentioned, when I work with couples, many times I work with couples that are on second marriages and now they want to do it, right, right, they want to have their best practices. So I asked them about their previous partner. I said when did you know you're going to divorce? And they most say well, I knew that from the beginning, I knew it wasn't the right person. So we see the signs, we see the red flags, the soul knows, knows, the soul knows. But then the brain is also very powerful in keeping us where we are and keeping the status quo and not, you know, rocking the boat. So it takes that courage to be able to say no, I'm going to listen to my soul and you know, because at the end of the day, you are the person that needs to live with that person, not others, right? Everybody has something to say, that's true, but it is your life.
Karen Covy Host
06:55
Yeah, 100%. And let's say, let's talk about people who are already in a new marriage, right, whether it's your first, your second, your 10th, however many and they want to do it right. They want to become a power couple. I guess it's two questions they have for you. Number one is what is a power couple in your definition? And number two, how can people do that? Because I think, fundamentally, at our core, that's what everybody is looking for is real love and real connection that would come from that kind of a relationship. So what is it and how can people get that?
Gabriela Embon Guest
07:36
If you think about it, Karen, for the most part, when we perceive that we made a mistake, when something we did didn't turn out to be well, our brain is strong enough to keep us from trying again. It prevents us from trying again. But there is something about relationships, there is something about marriage that no matter how many times it didn't work, we will try again. And the reason that we will try again is because like what, exactly what you said? The soul is yearning for that connection deep inside. We all want that deep connection, that that feeling of oneness, and that is usually stronger than the regrets of the mistakes or the fears of not working this relationship, not working like the previous one, but any other aspect of your life. Most people, after it didn't go well, won't try again, except marriage. It says so much about it, don't you think?
Karen Covy Host
08:39
yeah, it really does say a lot about it how strong the pull is in our soul to be connected with another person. But the struggle that so many people have. And you and I work on like two different sides of the coin, but I think we both have the same beliefs. It's like if the marriage can work, if you can get your needs met inside of that marriage, do that all day long. But if you can't, then you know it's about getting a divorce and maybe going on to a second marriage. But when someone comes to you, if a couple comes to you and they're like this isn't working, we're in trouble, what can they do to build that depth of connection so that they can become a power couple?
Gabriela Embon Guest
09:26
So then, when a couple comes and they have a connection crisis, as we say, we start working strategically with the four pillars right that are described in the book. It starts with a me pillar of helping the couple take responsibility and ownership of their own ones and what their own personal work, and then being able to create a bridge of awareness and emotional intimacy when I can say these are my issues, these are my issues, this is not about you, but being able to share that with your partner in a very vulnerable way, to create emotional intimacy. So if my partner knows this is where I usually get triggered, they'll do their best. They're not responsible for me, but they'll do their best not to touch those wounds, not to say those things. So that's the me pillar is all about me working on myself. So the me pillar is the first is the first pillar.
I did a career change, okay, because I was not happy and I don't see how, no matter how amazing my husband is, he could have, you know, patch that lack of satisfaction and misalignment that I was at in that moment. It was up to me to recognize and to course correct. And I don't think we could have become a power couple if I didn't take responsibility for my own personal fulfillment, because I wouldn't be a happier person. I wouldn't be responsibility for my own personal fulfillment because I wouldn't be a happier person, I wouldn't be at my best.
Karen Covy Host
11:10
I love that and I really hope people hear what you're saying is that you didn't make your personal happiness, your husband's job, right. It was your job first to say what's really bothering me, what am I unhappy about, what's working, what's not working, and do the work on yourself first and then go to. I expect we'll get to the other three pillars. That's right.
Gabriela Embon Guest
11:36
That's right. In the book I say you cannot outsource your happiness to your partner, and that's really important. So the first pillar is all about the self-discovery that I had to go through, the personal growth, the emotional intelligence and shifting from reactivity to self-regulation. Really, this is taking ownership for what you need to work on your own baggage. That's the first pillar, for what you need to work on your own baggage. That's the first pillar. So we start working on that pillar and at the same time I don't want to make this look like a very linear process because the pillars are intertwined but we also work on the second pillar, which is the you pillar. And the you pillar is understanding and nurturing your partner. So if the first pillar nurtures me, it helps me understand myself and nurture myself.
12:31
The second pillar is understanding and nurturing your partner. To build a deep connection, we have to understand our partner where, where they are today, and not assume not assume that we know them, because we might have known them, but people change. So many times we think, oh, I already know everything about you. No, you don't, and maybe you know all my past, but you don't know where I am today. So the goal here with the you partner is to develop that deep emotional attunement and trust, but learning how to truly see, hear and support our partner. In other words, in the most simple words, be your partner's BFF.
Karen Covy Host
13:21
I love that. I really do, because at some point, especially when relationships are in crisis, right, that BFF part tends to go out the window.
Gabriela Embon Guest
13:33
Oh yeah, we can become nasty.
Karen Covy Host
13:36
So the first pillar is me, the second pillar is you. What's pillar number three?
Gabriela Embon Guest
13:43
Pillar number three It's about strengthening the relationship as a unit and as partnership. It's pretty much the most common analogy that I give is see a relationship as a business with two shareholders. So you're creating together, you're building together, you're engineering. You have two engineers working on the same project. So you have to have a clear vision of where you're going. Obviously, that's where we always start, and a vision that can uphold each individual's dreams as well as the common dreams. And then we want to have the right rituals and habits that keep the business healthy, and that's where we work with the three C's communication, coordination and collaboration.
Karen Covy Host
Okay, let's say a couple comes to you and they have communication issues, because most couples do. I mean, it's not something we're taught in school, although we probably should be, but don't get me started. So you know. They come to you, their marriage is in crisis, they don't communicate. Well, how can you help them? And is there a point at which it's just gone too far?
Gabriela Embon Guest
15:03
Yeah, I think that the only point when you say it's too far is when the couple has given up, when there's no desire or willingness to resolve it. As long as the couple has, ideally, a desire, but at least a willingness that can turn into desire, we can work because we're always growing right. There's no deadline. As long as we engage in a productive process, it can work. But if the person is not committed to the process, if the person doesn't have, if they have checked out already, then it's very difficult obviously to do that Now. Usually, communication issues are the result of connecting issues, so there's a crisis in the connection and it's very difficult to start fixing things when people feel they're in two different teams.
15:58
So my first goal it's pretty much think about a company, okay, a corporation. When things are not going well, the first thing that we do is team building. Why do we do team building? We want to make sure that everybody feels like they are in the same boat and they are together and not opponents. So pretty much the same we do with the relationship we first work on connection and then we work on addressing the issues and how we resolve conflict and the rest. But if we don't feel we are in the same boat. If we feel we are opponents, that someone has to win and obviously the other lose, it's very difficult. So my first goal is always to create the right rituals and habits to help the couple reconnect, and then from there we can go into resolving what needs to be resolved and how we communicate, and so on.
Karen Covy Host
16:52
When you say rituals, you've said that a couple of times rituals and habits for the couple to connect. What do you mean by that? Can you give me an example?
Gabriela Embon Guest
17:01
Yeah, so we're very busy right Busier than ever but what I love about rituals is that they pause. They make us pause and they give space for what has meaning for us. A ritual is another way of saying this is important for me. Therefore, I'm going to pause and I'm going to do this. So we have rituals in families. Families have rituals, even if it's a movie night or pizza night. It's a ritual that brings the family together and says no matter what, on that day you don't always feel like connecting because we have worries.
17:51
We come from work with a lot of stuff on our mind. So the rituals help us stay committed, even on the days we don't feel like it. They help us stay actively intentional in the way we do marriage. And we have rituals about, you know, about communication. We have rituals that are within the hour pillar, which is all about making sure that this business is functioning properly and everybody's needs are being met. So, whether it's daily coordination or weekly meetings to plan the week, things like that, or I call them communication on demand when someone is going through, let's say, a more busy or difficult time at work, we need to talk and see how we support each other in this case, and then we have rituals that are to keep the unity, the oneness, the ask pillar, the last pillar, which we call them date, weekly date that word ran away. So a weekly date, whether you have the coffee in the morning together or you have a 15 minutes catch up at night, any rituals that you and your partner have in order to connect Like.
19:07
I'll give you an example. I love the rituals of physical connection, so, for example, my husband and I, every morning, when we wake up, we cuddle. It's a ritual, I don't even think about it. It becomes a, you know, a second nature. It's a habit. I don't need to think about it. We just turn to each other and we cuddle, even on the days that I probably wouldn't miss it if I don't, because it's something we do.
19:33
It's our thing, right. When we say goodbye in the morning, we come to the door to say goodbye and we kiss each other. And when somebody comes home, we come to the door to greet the person, even if it's the children. We come to the door to greet the person, even if I need to come down from the second floor, because I want this person and I want myself, when I come home, to feel that this is my home, that somebody is waiting for me, although I have a golden, so I always will feel welcome, because nothing beats that feeling of the dog loves you, no matter what yes, but still, you know that feeling that you don't need to ask is anybody home?
20:21
yeah, somebody's greeting you, welcoming you, this is your safe haven. So these are rituals that bring meaning and these are usually small things, right?
Karen Covy Host
20:31
does it matter what the ritual is, as long as you have something, or are there certain rituals that are more powerful?
Gabriela Embon Guest
20:39
I think what matters is what it means for the couple. We have more like universal rituals, like a kiss, a hug. We need physical touch, so a hug and a cuddle is extremely powerful, but then every couple can choose what has meaning for them. And it might be from the time that we're dating, right, it doesn't matter. Maybe the ritual is that. I can give an example my husband and I we go to the gym together. It's pretty new, we're still working making sure we're consistent but it's so fun. The ritual is he makes sure that the gym bag has the headphones and the water bottles and everything. These little things that make it more meaningful than ever. And then when we're there, you know talking about the last pillar, the ask I'm actually. I use that opportunity to flirt with him now with other men.
21:41
No, no, no, only with him. And it's even more powerful because I'm surrounded by other men, all you know, showing their muscles. But what I actually do is when I cross, let's say he's in one machine and I pass by, I will wink right or I will give him some sign of affection, meaning I don't care who's here, I see you, and that makes us feel seen and make us feel cherished. So, yes, it keeps the connection. There's opportunity for connection everywhere. But to arrive to that place that you find opportunities to flirt and to play and to connect, you have to do your inner work, because if you're holding on to resentment, it's very difficult to open ourselves, to feel safe, to be that way. Yeah, I find the first pillar is the me.
Karen Covy Host
22:40
That makes so much sense because I've worked with so many people who say I don't want my husband to touch me or I don't really want to be around my wife or whatever it is, and that would make building that us just a way to build more resentment because you're doing something, because you have to, not because you want to.
Gabriela Embon Guest
23:04
But I also have to say that you know at that point where you don't feel the love anymore. It's important to remember that it's possible to rekindle. Okay, love is an emotion, it's not an absolute truth. And emotions can be rekindled, they can be created. And how do we create an emotion? We create an emotion with actions. I go to the gym, I feel energized, I feel good. So with actions. So in the beginning, well, people say, well, I don't want to do any of these actions because I don't feel the love. Right, right, right. And we want to reverse the order. Well, you first need to take action and do the things you need to do to then rekindle the love. So in the beginning it might feel like I'm faking it.
Karen Covy Host
24:03
Exactly, and so many people say I need to be authentic, I need to be my authentic self. I don't feel like doing this thing. What would you say to them?
Gabriela Embon Guest
24:13
That's not your authentic self, that's your hurt self. Okay, love is an active process and not a passive feeling. To engineer a thriving marriage, we have to be intentional, we have to create strong habits and continuously invest in the connection. If you feel the connection is lost, you can commit to invest until you rekindle the connection and then the love starts to be felt again. You can make love last, but it has to be designed, not by default. Does that make sense?
Karen Covy Host
24:52
So when somebody says that's not me, no, no.
Gabriela Embon Guest
24:56
That's the hurt you. That's also not your authentic you.
Karen Covy Host
25:01
Okay, what if? Because so many people are in this situation, where one person in the couple wants to reconnect and the other person's hurt self is saying, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, what is there any hope for that kind of situation?
Gabriela Embon Guest
25:19
Absolutely, absolutely. Change starts with, can start with, one person. When you shift this, look, the first two pillars are about one person. You realize that, okay, the ours is about the couple. You can't have intimacy with yourself. Okay, I get that, but the first pillar is the me. The second pillar is that you are about the individual. So 50 of that you can start. If you get to the 50, the rest will follow. You just need to have faith in it. You don't need both partners to start making changes. One person shifting can transform the entire dynamic. I would say that this becomes more an excuse than anything else. You don't need your partner's approval.
Karen Covy Host
26:26
What happens, or what do you say to the couple, or have you seen this in your practice? That one person comes and they really they're willing to do the work. They want to do the work on themselves, on the other person. They want to change the other. Their partner doesn't right, or at least says they don't, and so the one person starts to do the work, but the relationship still isn't going well. Now what?
Gabriela Embon Guest
26:55
Now the person is going to come to a place that they feel at peace and they will say, okay, I learned what I had to learn, I did my part. I am at peace. I am clear that this is not for me anymore. I think that if you're not clear, that you've done your best, if you're not clear, you have put maximum effort, or that you have learned what you had to learn. Continue, you will know when you have reached the end, but by that point you're going to be at peace with it. That is so important. You're not going to be reactive. See, it's not so much about the decision and the fact that now you decided to divorce. Is it, is it a reactive move or is it a move that came from maturity? Does it make sense? Because if it's reactive, you will create more chaos. If you make a choice from a place of reactiveness, you're going to create more chaos out of it.
Karen Covy Host
28:06
I've seen this so much in my practice. Because if you've made the decision from a reactive place, that's when you create the mess in your divorce because you're angry, you're upset, you're still. You haven't done the work on your own emotions and it's the emotions that drive divorce. That's what makes it take longer, that's what makes it cost more, that's what drives up the conflict. You know, it seems like if people can get to that place where they've done enough work that they're at an acceptance, they may not like it, especially if this wasn't their decision. They may not like what's happening, but if they can at least get to the point where, in their themselves, they accept it, things tend to go easier.
Gabriela Embon Guest
28:59
Absolutely. And not only that, you're basically impacting your next relationship, because if you've done your learning now, you won't bring the lessons to the next relationship.
Karen Covy Host
29:09
Is that something when you're talking about, because you work with a lot of people who are on their second marriage, do you find? Do these people come to you typically before they get married or after their second marriage, like, are they coming to you saying, let's get the skills we need to build the relationship before we dive in, or is it an after the fact thing?
Gabriela Embon Guest
29:28
it's an after the fact. When they start now, they're paying attention right. So now they're very sensitive to the signs that, ooh, this might go wrong. So they start paying attention Now they reach for help. They're not in crisis, but they start seeing slowly and they go oh, we don't want to end up where we were before.
Karen Covy Host
29:50
and does it make a difference in your work at what point on the continuum people reach out? Like is it? I would think it'd be better for them to reach out to you when they first start to see the signs, rather than waiting until they're in crisis. But am I getting this right or wrong, or I have no idea?
Gabriela Embon Guest
30:15
Well, honestly, you would think that being proactive is always better, but sometimes you can only address something when the trigger is very present. So I just embrace them, whatever they are, and say this is wonderful, we're going to make this work. And it's so much easier now that you start to see the signs of drifting apart than when it's a big gap that we need to close right. So I really appreciate when people start seeing those signs. Okay, we're drifting apart. We don't want to end like our previous marriages. Can you help us?
Karen Covy Host
30:58
I love that and I think that's so important because, statistically speaking, a lot of you know a significant portion of the people who get divorced once are going to get remarried, and you're exactly right. They don't want to get divorced again. But you mentioned something in your book. I'm not going to be able to find the page now because I'm looking for it but you talk about a constitution, a marriage constitution. Yes, what is that? I love, I don't know, maybe because I'm a lawyer. That perked me up and I was all excited about that. So can you tell people what that is?
Gabriela Embon Guest
31:35
You know it's so funny. You say I love that, maybe because I'm a lawyer. You know we had two snowstorms and we were watching the city clear the snow and I said, oh, finally we can see the fire hose. It was a safety hazard that it was covered in snow. My daughter, who's in law school, started talking about what kind of you know law suit you can have Liability So I said, okay, now everything is going to be about that. I told her Everything is going to be about liability, occupational hazard. There you go.
32:16
So the Constitution is really. It doesn't have to be a sign agreement, ok, don't take it too far. You don't need a lawyer for that. But it's really the willingness of the couple to sit down and make a list of the things that they will not compromise on that there are a no-no. Okay. Now, usually people do that in their second marriages because now they're aware, now they're smarter, they go. I'm not as naive thinking that the love we have now is going to be enough for the rest of our lives and this person will never hurt me.
32:55
So this is when you list the things, as I said, that you will not tolerate, for example. But we're really talking about what you will not tolerate, right? The toilet seat is not, or the socks on the floor is not what we're talking here. So smoking right. If you will not tolerate your partner smoking, you should put that. You should say that Cheating.
33:17
And obviously I don't think anybody wants to tolerate cheating. But what does it mean cheating? And maybe it means you don't come home drunk in the middle of the night. You don't make financial decisions without consulting me. Okay, that's a big one. Or decisions about the children without consulting me. Or you don't contradict me in front of the children, no matter what I'm saying, unless it's your safety, right? So these are the things that you are mature enough to say. I've been there and I know what I will not tolerate.
33:56
And the reason you want to put that on paper is so your partner knows we become aware and we avoid that because, at the end of the day, we come from different homes. So, for example, one of the things that would be in my list is we don't call each other names. And what does it mean names? Is it cursing someone or is it telling someone you're stupid. We don't call each other you're dumb, you're stupid or something like that. I would never tolerate that, not even we don't call our. We don't use that with our children either. So this type of language is a no-no in our home, you know, but somebody else might be. What's the big deal? I heard my parents call each other stupid and it was not a big deal. They still love each other. So that's what I'm saying. We come from different homes and what's acceptable for you might be completely unacceptable for your partner. You need to have these conversations.
Karen Covy Host
34:54
But what I love about this is that everybody comes into marriage with certain ideas, expectations, and we just assume we're all the same and that my partner is going to have those same expectations, and so, whether we speak them, write them or keep them quiet, we still have them. And then what I've seen so many times is that people come into a relationship and they never voice what their no-no's are. They never say I won't tolerate this, I won't tolerate that. They don't have these conversations. Then, time you know, they get married, time goes on. Their partner violates what to them was an agreement and the partner's like what?
Gabriela Embon Guest
35:39
I didn't know that. I didn't know it was a big deal, right, right.
Karen Covy Host
35:40
And then you've got a giant hurt because one person, to one person it was a huge deal and to one person it was silly huge deal and to one person it was silly.
Gabriela Embon Guest
35:55
That's right, that's right. So we want to avoid that by having and usually people in the first marriage don't do that, because usually first marriages are when people are younger and we believe that this person will never hurt us and that there's no need for that but with second marriages people do this happily. Happily, they will sit and have and then listen. It's also an opportunity for a deeper discussion. Everything is an opportunity to go deeper. Okay, it's not just here's my list. Read it, so you know. Okay, goodbye. No. This is the opportunity to connect and explain yourself. Why is that important to you? Is that something you experienced in your previous relationship? Is that something you saw in your home that you promise yourself you will not want to bring into your relationship? It's an opportunity to open up and go deeper, which is necessarily for, obviously, connection. We always want to take the connection deeper and deeper. We need to get to know each other deeper and deeper and develop that emotional intimacy. Yeah.
Karen Covy Host
36:52
So is it possible, though? Let's say somebody, whether it's first marriage or second marriage, they didn't have these conversations, they don't have the Constitution, and now they've got a lot of hurt about? You did this to me and the other person is saying well, I didn't know that mattered, and you know you've got it all stacked up. Is it possible, even at that point, after the boundaries have been violated, for them to sit down and have those deeper conversations and sort it out? Like what if two people just have different values?
Gabriela Embon Guest
37:29
I would hope that people don't get married if they have different values. Let's start with that. This is not so much about values, a little bit, but it's more about the things, how you express your values, because if I have a value for respect, okay, if respect is one of my values, for one person it might mean I don't curse you. For somebody else it might be I don't call you names and these are two different things. So it's how we live our values that we want to make sure that we are in the same page. And to answer your question, yes, it's never too late to do this, but I would hope that a couple that gets married or not married, but commits to live together, to build a life together, they share the same foundational values.
38:24
But in the constitution you might talk about how you want to raise your children. What will be a no-no? For one person, it might be important to baptize the child. For another one of us is, uh, I don't care, I couldn't care less, and one would say, well, that's a no-no, I will not um compromise on that. My child has to be baptized, let's say. And the other person might say I, I really I have no opinion on that. So that's fine. Fine, then it's easy.
38:50
But, so these are the things that are important conversations to have at any time. Obviously, if it's about a child, it's before the children are born, but the rest, at any time you can do this. Ideally, the sooner the better, right, of course, but it's never too late to course correct, that's the beauty of course.
39:10
But it's never too late to course correct, that's the beauty of course. Correction. It's never too late to course correct when it comes to relationships. Our soul craves deep connection with our soulmate. Therefore, we'll adjust, we can course correct the soul with will, you know, will cooperate.
Karen Covy Host
39:32
I love that and I really appreciate you being on this podcast and spreading this message to people, because I think so many people are hungry to hear something like this, to say is it still possible, can we put things together? Nobody wants to make a mistake or throw away a relationship if there's still hope that it can be put together, and your message is definitely one of hope, so I really appreciate it. Thank you so much for being on the podcast.
Gabriela Embon Guest
40:06
Thank you for having me, Karen, it's been wonderful.
Karen Covy Host
40:08
You're welcome and, for those of you watching or listening, you can pick up your own copy of Becoming a Power Couple on Amazon. It's not War and Peace. It's a very quick read, but it's an important one and I think you can really learn a lot. So if you're struggling with your marriage trying to decide should I stay or should I go, definitely pick up a copy of the book. And, Gabrielle, if people want to find you and work with you, where's the best place for them to do that?
Gabriela Embon Guest
40:38
The best place is to message me on my website, gabrielaembon.com, and, if you know, if they're not ready to purchase the book yet, they can download the prologue for free. There's a link to do that. The link is the name of the book becomingapowercouple.net. You can download the prologue, start reading it and then, hopefully, you'll be ready to purchase the book on Amazon.
Karen Covy Host
41:06
Awesome, Gabriela, thanks again for being a guest on the podcast. I think this is going to you have a message that a lot of people will be interested in hearing. So thank you again, and for those of you who are watching, for those of you who are listening. If you enjoyed today's conversation, if you'd like to hear more conversations just like this with guests who are as amazing as Gabriela, please do me a favor. Like the podcast, like the episode. Subscribe everywhere that you listen to podcasts, or on YouTube, and I look forward to seeing you again next time.
