There is nothing funny about divorce – at least not while you’re going through it! Yet, because divorce is so serious, finding a way to laugh a little can help relieve the tension. These funny divorce quotes are designed to distract and (possibly) delight you during one of life’s toughest times.
While some of these funny divorce memes admittedly fall under the category of “dark humor,” they will hopefully at least make you smile.
(Just so you know, according to the Mayo Clinic, laughter improves your immune system, relieves pain, soothes tension and stimulates your organs!)
So, in the spirit of lightening your mood and improving your health, here are 23 funny divorce memes to help you find the humor in what is usually an all-too-serious situation.
Funny Divorce Quotes
It is better to have loved and lost than to live with a psycho all your life.
For sale! One wedding dress ... worn once by mistake.
Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.
Whoever said money can't buy happiness never paid for a divorce.
Divorce is always good news. I know that sounds weird, but it's true because no good marriage has ever ended in divorce. That would be sad. If two people were married and they just had a great thing and then they got divorced, that would be really sad. But that has happened zero times.
Love is grand ... Divorce is a hundred grand.
Divorce is the psychological equivalent of a triple coronary bypass.
I can't get divorced because I'm a Catholic. Catholics don't get divorced. They stay together through anger and hatred and festering misery, just like God intended.
The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.
Instead of getting married again, I'm just going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
A new study found that women gain more weight after marriage, but men gain more weight after a divorce. Yeah, the divorce usually takes place after men point out that women gained more weight after marriage.
You should be prepared for anything in divorce proceedings ... even the truth.
The difference between a divorce and a legal separation is that a legal separation gives a husband time to hide his money.
Whenever your ex screams, "You'll never find another one like me!" the appropriate response is, "... I certainly hope not!"
My mother always said don't marry for money, divorce for money.
Funny Divorce Quotes About Divorce Lawyers
"What happened? Satan was busy?" - Sam Kinison on finding out his wife had hired lawyer Marvin Mitchelson to represent her in her divorce case against him.
Arguing with a lawyer is like wrestling with a pig in mud. ... sooner or later you realize that they like it.
A lawyer is never entirely comfortable with a friendly divorce, anymore than a good mortician wants to finish his job and have the patient sit up on the table.
Funny Memes About Marriage and Divorce
"Bad divorce?" Hardy asked, his gaze falling to my hands. I realized I was clutching my purse in a death grip. "No, the divorce was great," I said. "It was the marriage that sucked."
Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener!
When you're a monk, you're not allowed to have sex with anyone. When you're married, it's one person. That's one more than a monk. It's not that different.
If you made a list of reasons why any couple got married, and another list of the reasons for their divorce, you'd have a hell of a lot of overlapping.
If you can't live with him and you can't kill him, divorce is the only acceptable option.
Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. In the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.
Want to see even more divorce quotes? Check out The Definitive List of Inspiring and Motivational Divorce Quotes.
This post was originally published on August 14, 2019 and updated on June 17, 2022.