How Getting Unstuck Starts With Asking One Small Question

Episode Description - How Getting Unstuck Starts With Asking One Small Question

Have you ever noticed that the more you talk about your problems, the bigger they seem to get? Master Certified Coach Claire Pedrick has spent over 30 years helping people figure out why that happens and (more importantly), what to do about it. Her approach to getting unstuck is surprisingly simple, and that's exactly what makes it so powerful.

Claire introduces the idea of "right-sizing" problems by asking one small, focused question instead of trying to solve everything at once. She explains why talking to friends about your struggles can actually keep you stuck longer, what it means to be in the "soup," and why the path forward almost never looks like the big dramatic leap we imagine it will.

Claire also gets into the role emotions play in decision-making. She talks about why venting has real value, why it needs boundaries, and why sometimes the best way to process grief has nothing to do with talking at all. 

If you've been spinning in your head about your marriage, divorce, or any other major life decision, and you just can’t seem to break through to get an answer you feel good about, this conversation offers a fresh way of looking at what's keeping you stuck so you can finally move forward.

Show Notes

About Claire

Claire Pedrick doesn’t fix, direct, or diagnose. Instead, she helps people right-size problems so they can see clearly, take ownership, and move forward.  Her mission is bold: to replace outdated, coach-led models with simple, effective conversations that keep power where it belongs, with the person being coached.

Claire models radical partnership. She is especially interested in presence. The kind that holds space without holding control, and teaches how to lead in partnership, even when the power isn’t equal.

Connect with Claire

You can connect with Clair on LinkedIn at Claire Pedrick and on Facebook at 3D Coaching.  You can follow Claire on YouTube at @3DCoaching and on Instagram at 3D Coaching.  To learn more about how to work with Claire, visit her website at 3D Coaching.

Key Takeaways from This Episode with Claire Pedrick

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Transcript

How Getting Unstuck Starts With Asking One Small Question

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

overwhelm, progress principle, decision making

SPEAKERS

Karen Covy, Claire Pedrick

Episode Transcript

Karen Covy 0:10

Hello, and welcome to Off the Fence, a podcast where we deconstruct difficult decision making so we can discover what keeps us stuck, and more importantly, how we can get unstuck and start making even tough decisions with confidence. I'm your host, Karen Covy, a former divorced lawyer, mediator, and arbitrator, turned coach, author, and entrepreneur. And now without further ado, let's get on with the show. 

With me today, I have the pleasure of speaking with Claire Pedrick. And Claire is a master certified coach with over 30 years of coaching experience. As a coach, Claire doesn't fix, direct, or diagnose anyone. Instead, she helps people right-size problems so they can see clearly, take ownership, and move forward. Claire is what I like to call a coach's coach. She's on a mission to replace outdated coaching-led models with simple, effective conversations that keep power with the person being coached. Claire and her husband live in Worcestershire, where they collect original art and take long walks. Claire, welcome to the show.

Claire Pedrick 1:19

Thank you. How lovely to be here. And how lovely that you could pronounce Worcestershire.

Karen Covy 1:25

I was, you know, when the word came out of my mouth, I'm like, oh, I hope I just said that right.

Claire Pedrick 1:32

You know, April Fools. Do you have April Fools in the States? We have April Fools here, and the April, the big April Fool this year was that they renamed Worcestershire sauce to Midlands sauce because nobody could say it.

Karen Covy 1:47

Say it. I love that. I love it. Okay. Well, let's get down to it. And you are a coach. Actually, I when I'm starting to get to know you, I like to call you the coach's coach because that's really what you are. Um, but how did you where did it all start? How did you get interested in coaching? How did you start along this path?

Claire Pedrick 2:10

Well, I didn't know that I was starting along a coaching path when I started it. So, I was having conversations with people for 10 years before anybody was talking about coaching as a thing. And uh I was working in a in an aid and development organization, and we were having people coming to us who said, I want to work in aid and development, and I don't know how to do it, and I don't really know if I want to do it or not, and I don't know if it fits me. So, I would have conversations with them to help them work out what they really wanted, to work out what they were really bringing, and then to help them find out how to find out where those kind of opportunities were. And then one day I read an article in my mum's good housekeeping magazine. And it was about Thomas Leonard, who the Americans say started coaching. And I read it and I thought that's what I do.

Karen Covy 3:15

Interesting. And then the rest, as they say, is history.

Claire Pedrick 3:19

Yeah, and what's been really interesting is being ahead of the curve, um, being ahead of the industry, even becoming an industry, has meant that I can be quite controversial in what I say. Because I was because I came early, which is fun.

Karen Covy 3:39

I love that. I am not against a little bit of controversy here, so feel free. Um, and let's start with, and maybe what maybe your perspective will be controversial, maybe it won't. But what is coaching to you? Because a lot of people, even now, even today, when coaching is an industry, a lot of people have no idea what that means. So, what is coaching?

Claire Pedrick 4:02

For me, coaching is a conversation between two people about one of us.

Karen Covy 4:07

Oh, interesting. But is it any kind of conversation.

Claire Pedrick 4:09

Where the one of us feels seen and heard, and where they get new insights into their own stuff.

Karen Covy 4:23

Okay.

Claire Pedrick 4:24

So the kinds of people that you have listened to your podcast are lovely listener. You're likely to be somebody who gets stuck and talks about how stuck you are. Because actually, that's what we do as human beings, isn't it? We go, this is a really difficult thing. Let me tell you how difficult it is. And we get ourselves stuck, and coaches get other people stuck really easily. And there are really simple ways of that not being true when you're a human about your own story, but also when you're a coach.

Karen Covy 4:55

Okay, so let's  start with, because I obviously I'm interested in the whole stuckness, unstuckness. That's a lot of what my work is as a coach in the relationship and divorce space, which is getting unstuck from a relationship, in whatever way that looks like for you. So, the question that I have though is even before we can work on getting somebody unstuck, what sticks people? What makes people get stuck in relationships or situations or jobs or whatever you're talking about? What get gets them stuck and unable to move forward, unable to break their patterns?

Claire Pedrick 5:36

So many things. How long have you got?

Karen Covy 5:40

We've got as long as you can talk.

Claire Pedrick 5:43

I don't think you I don't think anyone wants to listen for that long. But I think lot so many things get people stuck. One is that we lose agency. So, we think we haven't got the ability or the capability to get unstuck. Uh sometimes I think we talk ourselves into it, and then and then we get and then we stay where we talked ourselves.

Karen Covy  6:08

Okay.

Claire Pedrick 6:08

And then we get into a loop. Um sometimes we think we haven't got any choices. And usually there are more choices than we think there are when we're very, very, very brave. And they might not be choices that we want to take, but they might be choices that we could take if we chose to. So many things I think get people stuck: assumptions, beliefs, other people's stories, all sorts.

Karen Covy 6:44

Okay, so there are all these different things that can get people stuck, and I totally see that, but how do they get unstuck? And how does a coach help in that process?

Claire Pedrick 7:00

Honestly, I'm not sure all quick coaches do help in that process. Because a lot of conversations, whether with friends or with a coach or with a therapist or with whoever, they start off by saying, Tell me all about it. So, what happens is the person starts telling you all about it, which is in the past. And then they go, Oh, and there's also this. And there's this, and there's this. And as they're telling you all these things, they're getting further and further into the past. But their potential for change and transformation is in the present and in the future. So, I think the first thing that unsticks people is to begin to have a conversation in the present and not in the past.

Karen Covy 7:56

But wouldn't what would you say to the person that says, but you need context. You've just got to hear my story, or you don't understand what my issue is.

Claire Pedrick 8:07

And I would say, if you need to tell me your story, tell me your story. But instead of asking questions about the story, I would ask them to think about what they're hearing. So that would bring them back to the present. So, I would say, as you've told that whole story, what do you notice for the first time? Because look what happened there. You just started thinking. Yeah, you have I saw you.

Karen Covy 8:39

Yeah. For those of you who are just listening to the podcast, my eyebrows went up and I went, hmm. Because I think so many people, you do, you get a story, you identify with the story, and then you've told it so many times that you're not really even thinking about what you're saying.

Claire Pedrick 8:58

So having a conversation with somebody about the past is going to keep them in the past. They may very well feel they want to tell you, but if we can begin to say, so what are we what are we both noticing as you say that right now? Now we're not having a conversation that's in the past. Now we're having a conversation in the present. And in the present we have agency because we're here together having this dialogue, and then we can begin to look at something else.

Karen Covy 9:28

What do you mean when you say in the present we have agency? Can you explain that?

Claire Pedrick 9:34

Right now, whatever has gone before, I have got some control over what I do now and what I do next. Even if what I've told you about the past is stuff that I didn't feel I had control over. Right now, I can choose what to do next. I can choose how to respond.

Karen Covy 9:56

But what do you say to people? Because so many times, like I agree with you 100%. However, when people are in it and they're in that stuff place, a lot of times they don't feel like they have choices. And so how can you how can someone start to explore and see the choices they have?

Claire Pedrick 10:22

It starts with one simple question, Karen, which is so simple it's ridiculous. Because we end up talking about the problem, and then as we talk about the problem, the problem gets bigger. Now we've got a bigger problem. Because not only was there this, there was also this. I've just been in a quite tricky work situation, which got more tricky because when we were having the conversations about negotiating our way out of it, I'm going inside, and there's also this, and there's also this, which I hadn't thought about until we were in the dialogue talking about the part. And oh, there's this. So the way to get out of it is to right size what's going on by asking one question, which is what's my question today about this thing? So, it that might be so if you've had a really difficult breakup and you feel really lacking in energy and lacking in ability and lacking in everything, your one simple question might be, how can I get to the end of the day and not feel worse than I feel right now? It you know, it's not how can I have self-actualization, have a brand-new life by 4 p.m. But it's but it's  something about recognizing that if I ask a question, that the answering that question, how can I, might move me forward a little bit. And it's how can I today? Not how can I ever, not how can I get through the court case and resolve it and do all those things. It's how can I do this one thing today, or what is the one thing I could do today?

Karen Covy 12:08

So, let's put this in the context of a relationship, because the people that I work with tend to be stuck in a relationship that they don't feel they can get out of, or they're afraid to get out of, or you know, multiple reasons they're stuck, right? So, what would be a sample or an example of a good question they could ask about how they could start getting clarity about do I stay in this relationship or not?

Claire Pedrick 12:41

Well, the first question could be how can I have a little bit more clarity by the end of the day than I have at the moment?

Karen Covy 12:50

And then what if they say I'm gonna push back? They say, you know, how can I have a little more clarity? I don't know, right? Because that's the first thing that your brain does, it says, Yeah, you don't know the answer, and which isn't necessarily true, but that's what they're going to say. And then people accept that and they don't go farther. So if they ask themselves the question, how can I get some more clarity today? And the answer that comes up immediately is I don't know, then what?

Claire Pedrick 13:19

Then you're stuck in the soup, aren't you? So, I would say that a a way out of the soup is to is to step outside of the soup. Because in that soup pan, all you can see are green peas and ham. Apologies to any vegans listening. But but it's dark, isn't it, in that place? And you can you it it's  uncomfortable and it's all those things. So I might say to somebody, so if we step outside of that and we just look down at what's going on for you, what's one tiny step that you could make today that would help you move forward? Because when people can look at the thing, instead of talking about the thing, they can begin to get a little bit more clarity.

Karen Covy 14:13

Okay. What about though? Because especially when it's a relationship issue, which probably most things are, but you know, so it's there's two at least two people in this relationship, and you say, Well, what can you do? What's one, or you're asking yourself the question, what's one thing I can do? And the immediate answer is there's nothing I can do until my spouse or my partner does blah blah blah. They have the problem, they have to change. Now what?

Claire Pedrick 14:44

Well, given that you can't change them. There's something about saying what the truth is, isn't it? We can't change someone else, we can only change ourselves. So, one of the questions I really encourage coaches to use is the question, and you? Because you're in a dialogue with somebody where often what you hear is all about somebody else.

Karen Covy 15:09

You mean often about the third person who's in the world? Yeah, the third person.

Claire Pedrick 15:12

So they're telling, and they also did this, and they also did that, and then they're and they've always done that, and they never do something else, yes, and it's always like this. So I would just bring that back with a really simple question that went, and you? Because they are the person that they have control. Each of us is the only person who has control of what we can do, and if we can begin in tiny ways to see that and to make a shift, then that really begins to make a difference. And I think the stuckness, there's a there's a book by Teresa Amarbalay from Harvard. I don't I don't know how old it is, so I don't know if she's alive or dead, but this woman's called Teresa Marbelay, a marbella. Um, and her book's called The Progress, Progress Principle, and she basically says in that book that any progress is progress. So often I think we ex we imagine that our way out of this is some big unattainable leap. Right, right, he'll change, she'll change that thing won't happen anymore. You know, the magic wand will happen and that will be and and it won't be like that anymore. But actually, what she's basically saying is that if you're stuck, so if you imagine that that you're I've I'm just holding up a thing. A pen. So if you're stuck, getting unstuck might only move you forward a millimeter, a tiny bit of an inch. But now you're not stuck because you've done you've had this thing, any progress is progress. And now you're not stuck to the thing anymore. So now you've got the chance to keep moving a little bit because the inertia, the being glued to the floor by your boots, is now unstuck, and that tiny bit of movement. And I think sometimes, often actually, I notice in dialogue with people is that they have a fantasy desire for a really big shift, and actually, if we start saying, What's one small step today? What's one small step tomorrow? It loosens the glue that's holding us to the present, which is not serving us. And once we've loosened the glue, even if we're shuffling forward like a little old lady, we are moving forward a little bit. But to say, well, unless I'm helicoptered out of here, that's not going to be change, that's when we stay stuck. And we don't have agency, I think.

Karen Covy 17:56

Yeah, I can I can see that, but um it's just when you're in the soup, is this the kind of thing that someone could do for themselves? Or is it is there a value to having a coach or a therapist? And does it matter who it is?

Claire Pedrick 18:15

That's what we can I think we can do it for ourselves, and sometimes we need somebody to hold us to account because that's the bit that we can't do. So, we can ask the question, but we can run away from it really quickly if we ask ourselves. And sometimes it's useful to have a thinking partner or a somebody who'll go, really? And yes, so, will you? Um, but some people can do it for themselves.

Karen Covy 18:50

Yeah, I agree, but I also think in many times when it depends on your degree of entrenchment in the stuckness, you know, that the longer you've been stuck and the deeper it goes, and the more that's involved in it, yeah, um, the more helpful it is to have somebody else that you can say, Well, you know, what do you think, or what are your ideas? Help me brainstorm what I can do.

Claire Pedrick 19:20

And you need a nerve-holding companion sometimes, don't you?

Karen Covy 19:25

Oh, yeah, that's an that's an interesting way of putting it, a nerve-holding companion.

Claire Pedrick 19:31

Who'll help you yeah, who'll help you hold your nerve through the process because it's a scary roller coaster ride, because you're describing immense change. Right. Aren't you? Where you're where you're talking about money and you know, Maslow talked about the hierarchy of needs. And in the in the context that you're talking about with your lovely listeners, is all the Maslow things, you know, your food, your shelter, your income, all of those things are at risk. So, it's it is so a nerve-holding person, whether that's a friend who can who can help you hold yourself to account. Because we all need, I don't mean this in a disparaging way, but we all need a moaning friend. We need a friend where we can go, it's really bad and it's really difficult, and it's all right. Tell me how bad it is. Oh, I hear how bad it is. It's really bad. Yeah, and you go, yes, it is really bad. You know, not everybody needs somebody like that, but many of us need somebody who's like that. But we need some people who aren't like that, because otherwise, because those people will make us feel heard and understood, but they'll also make us stay stuck.

Karen Covy 20:54

That's interesting because a lot of people, their natural tendency is to say, Well, why should I go to a professional? I'll just talk to my best friend, right? And yet that best friend, to your point, keeps you spiraling in exactly the same place.

Claire Pedrick 21:12

Yeah, does your friend keep you in the soup?

Karen Covy 21:16

I love your analogy, the soup.

Claire Pedrick 21:18

Yeah, because some best friends are really good at helping you just take a little look outside of the soup. Yeah. But some best friends are absolutely there in the soup with you.

Karen Covy 21:30

Yeah, and you can't see outside of it, or it's harder to see outside of it when you're the one in it.

Claire Pedrick 21:37

Yeah, yeah. And now everybody's in the soup. Because then you then you enroll the third friend, don't you? Who goes, Yes, I agree, it's very soupy.

Karen Covy 21:47

Do you do you see that a lot in working with people that they're, you know, sometimes the people that are closest to you, your friends or whatever, are actually holding you in the soup as you put it, that are holding You in this stuck place for whatever reason. They're trying to be empathetic, they're trying to whatever, but they're actually holding you back instead of moving you forward.

Claire Pedrick 22:09

Tell me how bad it was. I'll hear how bad. Oh, it was really bad. Oh, and do you remember there was also this terrible thing? So, I don't think it's intentional, but I think I think we're taught that listening to people is affirming, and it is, but listening to people also takes them backwards.

Karen Covy 22:35

Okay.

Claire Pedrick 22:36

And we need a friend who can keep us in the present, at least, if not support us to have a little tiny look at the future.

Karen Covy 22:45

Well, what would you say to somebody who said, you know, Claire, this is all well and good, right? And I agree with you about the soup stuff. However, in this situation, when you're talking about a marriage and a divorce, you're there's kids involved, there's money involved, there's so many other things involved. It's not just a question of, you know, how can I feel better? There's so many things to think about. I don't know how to manage that. What would you say to that? How can someone like that get unstuck when there's so many variables that they have to deal with? And it could be a relationship, it could be a job that, you know, it could be anything, but there's it's not just a singular, do I want this yes or no? But there's all these factors that influence whether leaving or staying would be a good thing.

Claire Pedrick 23:36

And then we want all of our in in British English, we say we want all our ducks in a row before we make the first step. So, we say, actually, I've got to line everything up in order to be able to make any decisions about anything. And as soon as you start, I'm gonna really mix my metaphors here. As soon as you start lining your ducks up, one of them goes back in the soup. And now you've just got plastic ducks in soup issues. So, I think I think there's always a question about that one small step. What's one small thing that you can control? What's one small thing that you can take control of? Because as we as we can take a little tiny piece of control of something, we begin to get our agency back. And what as when we begin to get our agency back, then we begin to be able to do a little bit more.

Karen Covy 24:31

That raises an interesting question. Is agency like a muscle that the more you exercise your own agency, the better you get at it, the more your ability to do that grows? 

Claire Pedrick 

I think it is. What do you think? 

Karen Covy 

I personally I think so. Yeah. Um because exercising your own agency, especially if you if you're not used to doing it, is scary.

Claire Pedrick 24:57

Yes. And if you've if you've been in a relationship where you didn't feel you had any, you didn't feel you had a lot, or maybe you feel that you didn't have any.  It won’t be a muscle that you got. So exercising it in tiny ways. And it could be teeny tiny ways. I'm um doing a weights program at the moment with a trainer uh in New York. We do it online, and uh transnational. But when I started, you know, she was asking me to do really, really, really simple things. Now I can lift a 15-pound weight and do all sorts of fancy things, which is what I was doing this morning. But um, but to start with, it hurt. And I wasn't very flexible, and I couldn't do it for as long as she told me to. And you don't notice the you don't notice the shift, do you? You don't notice that actually. She makes me take photographs of myself in my gym kit, and she goes, Look, you've got a muscle there that you didn't have before, but I can't see it. so I need her to go, look at that line. You're straighter than you were before, and you've got this and you've got that. Because I'm holding myself accountable to somebody else who is helping me with my one small step. And now, if I look at myself now compared to eight months ago, it's completely different.

Karen Covy 26:53

Yeah, I think that's that is a beautiful analogy. Um, because so often we can't see the changes in ourselves, and it's so easy to get discouraged.

Claire Pedrick 27:07

Absolutely.

Karen Covy 27:08

And then when you don't think something is working and it takes effort to do, you're less likely to do it.

Claire Pedrick 27:18

And when you think I've got to do them all.

Karen Covy 27:23

Right. Well, what do you say to somebody? I mean, talking about that that raises a question about overwhelm. Like when somebody feels like I have to do this and this and this and this and this and this, like which can you just feel overwhelmed, right? So, how can someone start to deal with that, regain agency over their lives and get out of overwhelm?

Claire Pedrick 27:49

Overwhelm is so tricky, isn't it? Because overwhelm does, you know, all the research says that when we've when we're overwhelmed, we can't think. When we can't think, we can't do anything. There's a lovely woman called Nancy Klein who's written a book called Time to Think. She's American, she lived in England, I don't know where she is now. But she says that when we're experiencing a high level of emotion, we can't think. So, one of the things that she would say is enabling people to how do you enable people to decompress their emotion enough to be able to think? So that might be that I'm in a conversation with somebody that you're working with, for example, and say to them, why don't you just tell me how angry you are for five minutes? Or how overwhelmed you are for five minutes or ten minutes. And you let them really let rip. And as they're letting rip, what they're doing is they are they are releasing some of the high level of emotion, and then after they've done that, they are much more able to say, Okay, so now you've let some of that out. Let's see if we can think about one small thing that you can do. So, it's something about combining the it's about separating the venting from the thinking. One of the things I say in some of my books is be in the same conversation. And it might be that your friend is in a oh well, move forward, get your act together conversation, but you're in a I want to tell you how bad it is conversation. And when you're when you're one of you's doing one thing and the other one's doing the other, it's not really doing anything for either of you. Whereas if we can agree, okay, I'm gonna vent. And as a friend, you can say to someone, so why don't you vent? I'll listen. Yeah. But you don't respond, you just let them vent, and you're you bear witness almost to them doing what they need to do, and then you can say, so now you've said all those things, and then you have a more present in the present moment kind of question that's small.

Karen Covy 30:05

That just sparked an interesting idea, sort of off the path here. Um, but would this be a technique that you could use even in your marriage, like with your spouse, to where you're because I see so many times people um don't feel hurt, they don't feel understood. And I think it's because of exactly what you just said, they're having different conversations, right? So do you think it would be fair or a good idea for one spouse to say to the other, I just need to vent. Can you just let me let it out for 10 minutes and don't try to do anything or fix anything? Would that be helpful?

Claire Pedrick 30:47

Yes. And uh, it's don't try to do anything or fix anything, and don't take it personally and don't try and respond. So let me tell you a story which isn't about a relationship, but it is about a relationship. So, uh one of my colleagues was working in a hospital, and the clinic had a mum who was the shouty mum, who'd be who and whoever was on the reception desk would pick up the phone and the shouty mum would shout. And they were all trying to placate the shouty mum. And one day Lynn was covering because somebody had gone off, and she picked up the phone, and it was the Shouty Mum. And Lynn said to her, What would you what do you want from this conversation? So, let's be in the same conversation. The lady said, I want to be heard. And Lynn said, Well, how will you know you've been heard? And she said, You'll hear me. So, Lynn said, I'm listening. So, she let the shouty mum shout. But of course, what happened was the shouty mum burnt out of shouting. So, then Lynn said to her, You said you wanted to feel heard. Did you feel heard? The lady went, Yeah. Yes, I did, because nobody tried to respond. So, Lynn was fully present and listening to her, but not going, and then and how we can well, how can we fix it or no that wasn't true, or all those other things? And the lady never rang up again like that. But what nobody had ever heard her.

Karen Covy 32:46

But what about sometimes you kind of get on a tear, right? You start talking about, you're venting about whatever it is that you're angry or upset or frustrated about, and you just go on and you build up steam, and it starts to so instead of running out of steam, you're doing the opposite. Does that ever happen? And how can you avoid that? Because the more steam you build up, the less you're able to think.

Claire Pedrick 33:14

Yeah, I think often that is inflamed by somebody else.

Karen Covy 33:20

Okay.

Claire Pedrick 33:21

I think often it's inflamed by yeah, I think I think that it can get bigger when it's somebody else. And I I'm a great believer in time-bounding vents because somebody can vent for 24 hours and it's not going to make any difference. But if you say, actually, why don't you take 10 minutes to vent? Now they'll probably take 15. They might take 20, but they probably won't take all day.

Karen Covy 33:50

Because when you do, you cut them off then?

Claire Pedrick 33:54

Well, you just say you were you said you wanted 20 minutes to vent. How are we doing? I um I work with a guy sometimes who does work around grief.

Karen Covy 34:07

Yes.

Claire Pedrick 34:07

And one of the things that he says around grief is how important it is to be sad when we're feeling sad, but also how important it is to time bound it. Not in the early stages of grief, you know, not when it's that when you're in the kind of traumatized shock of the thing, but a bit further down to go, actually, I'm feeling sad, and I'm gonna give myself permission to be sad all afternoon. And then at six o'clock, I'm gonna find out, I'm gonna think how I'm feeling now. Because what that often does is it enables somebody to  inhabit the sadness, but then also choose to step outside it and see how they're feeling. Isn't it beautiful? And actually, in in terms of venting, this is quite interesting. He also says that when you're experiencing a lot of emotion and there's a lot of grief around, he recommends watching a movie that makes you cry. Because if you watch a movie that makes you cry, you're going to cry. But in the crying, you're going to release more tears than you would normally release when you're crying at a film. So, it's a it's a really healthy way of releasing emotion.

Karen Covy 35:29

I love that. It reminds me years, years ago, um, I went to a movie with a girlfriend of mine, and it was a sad movie or whatever. But it wasn't horribly sad. It was just, you know, there were a couple of tender moments, right? We were in the movie, and I was just bawling my eyes out, you know, just and we got out of the movie, and I remember she turned and looked at me and said, Okay, what's really going on? You know, because the movie wasn't that sad, right? And I had been experiencing, I don't know what I was going through at the time, if it was a breakup of my own or what have you. But that's so interesting because I remember her looking at me like, there's something wrong with you, and I don't know what it is. Let's talk. 

Claire Pedrick 

And it was contained. 

Karen Covy 

Yes, yes, it was very contained. And I think because I had spent two hours crying at this movie, there wasn't a whole lot left in the tank to keep crying about whatever it was that I was upset about. 

Claire Pedrick 

So you released it.

Karen Covy 

 Yeah.

Claire Pedrick 

What a beautiful thing. 

Karen Covy 

I know, and I love that. And how besides going to the movie, are do you have any other suggestions for people who are in the stage where they need to release emotions, specifically grief, because there's a lot of grief around divorce, a lot of sadness. Grief, sadness, anger, and fear are probably the big emotions that people go through. How can they start releasing it? Because so many people, it's almost like they want to hang on to their anger.

Claire Pedrick 37:01

Well, do you know the thing that's really interesting about what we've just talked about, Karen? Is that the movie example is not about talking about it. Now, I'm not I'm not saying don't do talking therapies or any of those things, but I think often we think that we need to process by talking. And sometimes, and often we do, but sometimes there are ways of releasing that aren't through talking. And I would say that your listener today has probably, if they think about it, will have a really good idea.

Karen Covy 37:40

I love that. That that it actually reminds me of the story that Louise Hay used to tell. I don't know if you're familiar with her, the founder of Hay House, that she would get the pillow and she would just beat on the pillow for again. I think she did your technique of, you know, a time-bound exercise. Like, okay, for 10 minutes, I'm just gonna beat the devil out of this pillow, and you kind of get your emotions out that way, and then you can regroup and start again.

Claire Pedrick 38:11

We have a very high hill near here, and uh, if you go up on the top on a windy day, you almost get blown off.

Karen Covy 38:21

Wow.

Claire Pedrick 38:22

And I sometimes go up there because it blows everything out. BI would say that that talking isn't always the answer. Sometimes it is, but sometimes something simpler might be the answer. 

Karen Covy 38:45

I love that. So, all right. It has been wonderful talking with you. I just want to bring things sort of full circle. Are there do you have any other tips or pearls of wisdom to share with people who are listening or are saying, I'm stuck or I'm frustrated or I'm overwhelmed? You've shared so much and I really appreciate it. But is there anything you'd like to leave the listener with?

Claire Pedrick 39:08

Yeah, I think it's in all of that emotion and feeling and trickiness and difficulty and you know, internal screaming and all of those things, just to be able to say, so what's my one question for today? And that could start, how can I? And it could be, how can I get out of bed? It doesn't have to be how can I have a new life in a new apartment by the end of the day. How can I today? Because that is something that's in our gift. You can do a thing today. And tomorrow's another day.

Karen Covy 39:52

I love I love that. Claire, thank you so much for sharing all that you've shared. If people want more, if they want to follow up with you, where can they go? Where's the best place for them to find you?

Claire Pedrick 40:04

Uh, the best place to find me is either on LinkedIn, Claire Pedrick, or on Facebook 3D Coaching.

Karen Covy 40:12

Awesome. Well, thank you again. And for those of you out there who are watching and listening, if you've enjoyed today's conversation, if you'd like to hear more conversations just like this, do me a big favor: like the episode, subscribe to the podcast, subscribe to the YouTube channel. And I look forward to talking with you all again next time.