Divorce and Money: 8 Tips to Keep Your Ex From Hurting You Financially in Divorce

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Broken piggy bank filled with coins and a hammer next to it.One of the scariest parts of getting divorced is wondering whether your ex is going to take you to the cleaners. Sadly, when it comes to divorce and money, there are no guarantees. We all know people who have been left financially devastated by an ex who seemed to be hell-bent on destroying them. While your finances will definitely take a hit in your divorce, there are things you can do that will (hopefully) limit your financial destruction.

8 Divorce and Money Tips

Lawyer at his desk pointing to a document.1. Get advice from a good divorce lawyer.

You can’t make a fair deal with your spouse unless you know what the law provides. That is not to say you have to insist on getting 100% of what you could be legally entitled to receive. You can always compromise if you choose to do so. But, if you don’t even know what you are entitled to receive, you will never know whether the deal you made was really fair or not.

If you don’t care about the law, or you don’t want to bother taking the time or spend the money to understand your legal rights and responsibilities, then getting a fair deal will be a crapshoot. Maybe you will get a good deal, maybe you won’t. The problem is that, by the time you figure out you got screwed, it will likely be too late to change it.

2. Know your finances.

Make sure you have current copies of all of your important financial documents. You need copies of your income tax returns, bank statements, and retirement account statements, among other things. You will not only need current information, but you will also have to get information from the past few years, too.

Knowing your finances doesn’t just mean having documents, though. It also includes reading those documents and knowing what things are worth. To know the value of certain items, you may have to seek outside help. For example, if you have a family business, you can’t know what it is worth unless you get it valued by a business evaluator. If you don’t want to do that, that’s fine. Just know then that whatever value you assign to the business is just an estimate. It may be wrong.

Harried woman surrounded by paperwork with words IRS, Past Due, Overdrawn, Credit Score etc in the background.3. Know your debts.

Make sure that, along with knowing about your assets, you also know about your debts. Run your credit report. That will help you make sure you didn’t accidentally forget about some debt. It will also tell you if there are debts in your name which you had no idea even existed before! (Better to know before you are divorced than after!)

You also need to make sure you understand how those debts will operate after your divorce. Credit card debt that is in your name will stay in your name until you pay it off, no matter what your divorce judgment states. That means that, even if your ex is ordered to pay the debt, if s/he does not make the required payments on time, your credit will be affected. The credit card company can also still come after you to pay the debt.

4. Understand how money works.

It doesn’t matter whether you were in charge of paying the bills in the family or not. You no longer have the luxury of ignorance. You must learn the basics of personal finance. For example, you must learn how to make and follow a budget. You must learn how retirement accounts work. You must understand the basics of life and health insurance. On a basic level, you must understand how your investments work. You must know what your home really costs you. In short, you must understand divorce and money.

Learning about how money works may take you some time. If you and your spouse are both W2 wage earners and your only assets are a house and retirement account, learning about your finances, and how they work, will be relatively easy. On the other hand, if you or your spouse owns a business, or you have multiple pieces of property or complicated investments, learning about how your finances work may take more time and effort. Either way, do it. There are few better ways to spend your time right now.

Neon green word "Help" on a calculator.5. Get help.

If your financial situation is complicated, or you just don’t understand it, you don’t have to try to figure everything out yourself.  You can consult with a financial planner, a CPA, or a certified divorce financial planner. If you have to, pay them to educate you. It is not enough for them to understand your situation. You have to understand it. Remember, this is your life.

Getting help may also mean consulting with your accountant. If you are not comfortable talking to the accountant who has worked with you and your spouse in the past, then find another accountant to talk to. Ask the accountant about your taxes, past, present, and future. Will you be taxed on the support you receive? Can you deduct the support that you pay? What kind of tax consequence will you suffer if you cash out a part of your retirement account early, or if you decide to sell the house now?

Blue sign "Tax Advice" on a white wall6. Don’t forget about taxes.

You must understand the tax consequences of your property division. You can cash out some of your assets (like money in a savings account) with no tax consequences. If you cash out other assets (like money in a retirement account) you will have to pay taxes and possibly even a penalty. In order to know the true value of the assets you are receiving in your divorce, you must figure in the tax implications associated with those assets.

The same thing is true about support. Child support is not taxable income to the receiving party. Maintenance/alimony used to be treated differently. It used to be taxable income to the receiving party and tax-deductible to the paying party. But now that has changed. Now the alimony tax deduction is gone. So today, alimony and child support are treated the same for tax purposes. If you don’t understand that when you’re negotiating support, you can find that you’ve grossly under-estimated how much you will have to pay after your divorce.

7. Negotiate with your head, not your heart.

Making decisions out of guilt will cause you to give away too much. Making decisions out of anger will make you insist on getting too much. Both extremes will result in you making a decision you will likely regret later.

You can’t make a good decision when you are so emotional you can’t think straight. Get yourself into therapy as soon as possible so you can start dealing with your emotions and clearing your head. While you do that, try to put off making as many important decisions as you can. If that is not possible, then get a trusted adviser (either your lawyer, a financial planner, or some other third party who deeply cares about you and understands finances and divorce) to counsel you about your decisions, and listen to what that person says.

Exhausted man holding his head. He is surrounded by binders of documents and wadded up papers.8. Don’t cave in just because you want to be done.

Divorce is a marathon, not a sprint. While most people want to believe that their divorce can be done quickly and amicably, in reality, getting to a point where you can divorce amicably takes time. It also involves some level of conflict from time to time. (After all, if you totally agreed with your spouse on everything, you probably wouldn’t be getting a divorce!)

Decisions made from exhaustion are usually just as bad as decisions made out of anger or guilt. So many people get worn down by the conflict of divorce that they end up giving away the store just because they want to move on. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to put your divorce behind you, caving in at the last second causes more regret than just about anything else in divorce.

Head shot of Karen Covy in an Orange jacket smiling at the camera with her hand on her chin.

Karen Covy is a Divorce Coach, Lawyer, Mediator, Author, and Speaker. She coaches high net worth professionals and successful business owners to make hard decisions about their marriage with confidence, and to navigate divorce with dignity.  She speaks and writes about decision-making, divorce, and living life on your terms. To connect with Karen and discover how she can help you, CLICK HERE.


divorce blog, divorce financial planning, divorce strategy, divorce tips

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  • This is some great information, and I appreciate your suggestion to get a good divorce lawyer to help you through the process. I’m going to be getting a divorce, and I want to make sure that I’m OK financially. I’ll definitely look into hiring a good attorney that can advise me on what amount I’m entitled to receive. Thanks for the great post!

  • I have a good friend who’s just getting started with her divorce. Her attorney told her it was ok to change the locks on her house, as he keeps coming there and she wants to keep him out. Her attorney said she could. My question for you is, does she also have the right to change their ADT security code? He has been cheating on her for some time now and has a steady girlfriend with which they now live together in a rented property that he won’t even tell family where it’s at. Please advise on the ADT code.
    Thank you,

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